Spoon Puns
- I only use spoons made of silver because I have expensive taste.
- My friend was bragging about his fancy spoon collection, but I told him not to stir up trouble.
- The superhero Spoon Man uses his exceptional stirring powers to mix up criminals.
- I entered a spoon decorating contest, but I didn’t win first prize. Apparently my spoon was too garnished.
- When I’m eating soup, I always use the biggest spoon I can find. You could say I have no restraint when it comes to cutlery.
- Working as a spoon collector can be tedious, but I’m slowly making my way through the cutlery.
- I was outbid on an antique spoon at auction. I guess I don’t have as much clout in the spoon community as I thought.
- Did you hear about the new restaurant that only serves spoon-lickin’ good comfort food? It’s called The Spoonspoon.
- I bought a fancy new spoon to use when eating caviar, but it turns out I don’t have that kind of money to throw around.
- My friend got frustrated trying to eat soup with a fork, but I told him to keep trying and eventually he’ll get the spoon of it.
Spoon One-Liners
- I’m so broke I don’t have a pot to stir things up in.
- This soup tastes like it was stirred with a dirty spoon.
- Waiter, there’s a spoon in my soup.
- This is one spoonful of medicine I do not want to swallow.
- If you give me a spoon, I’ll dig right in.
- Do not underestimate the power of a good mixing spoon.
- I was born with a silver spoon – which I promptly sold for cash.
- This spoon is so fancy it feels out of place in my hand.
- I’m so hungry I could eat a spoonful of dirt.
- Quick, hide the spoons before the baby starts banging them together!
Best Spoon Jokes
20. My friend Jack has always been one sandwich short of a picnic. The other day, he walked into a restaurant and asked the hostess for a table for four.
“But there are only three of you,” she pointed out.
“Oh right,” Jack said. “Could we have a table for three and one spoon then?”
21. Did you hear about the angry spoon who went on a rampage? He was completely bent out of shape. Police say he was armed and dangerously ladled. Luckily no one was hurt except for one guy who got lightly grazed on the arm. The spoon is now safely in custody at the precinct’s flatware drawer.
22. Why did the police arrest the spoon? Because he was armed and metal.
23. My wife threatened me with a spoon last night. She said “If you don’t stop acting like a child I will hit you with this spoon!” I laughed and said “You can’t hurt anyone with a spoon.” Now I have a spoon shaped bruise on my arm to prove her wrong.
24. I used to work in a cutlery factory but I got fired for stealing spoons. It was only my first offense but they said I had sticky fingers. I tried to explain that I was just trying to scrape by. The boss didn’t buy it though. He said “You’ve made your bed, now lie in it.” Now I’m blacklisted from all kitchenware jobs in the area. Guess my career is spoon fed now.
25. My friend couldn’t afford a real spork from the thrift store so he taped together a plastic spoon and a plastic fork to make his own. I told him that was ridiculous and a stupid idea. But you know what they say about the idiom “Necessity is the mother of invention.” Plus, I have to admit, his homemade spork actually works pretty well. So maybe I was too hard on him. If it looks stupid but works, it ain’t stupid. That dude always manages to prove me wrong by thinking outside the box!
26. What do you call an enlightened spoon? A Buddha spoon. It eats a lot but its mind is empty.
27. I was eating yogurt and I realized my spoon was too big. As you know the standard soup spoon is far too large for the amount of yogurt one consumes in a single bite. This can lead to yogurt dripping down the sides of the spoon, causing a mess. I thought to myself, why hasn’t anyone invented a special spoon just for yogurt? The head of the spoon would be much smaller. I call it the Yo-Spoon! It would make yogurt eating so much cleaner and more enjoyable. I think this could be a million dollar idea, don’t you? I can just see the infomercial now! The Yo-Spoon will revolutionize yogurt eating as we know it. Somebody better snatch up this idea quick before I take it to the big wigs at QVC. This spoon will fly off the shelves faster than you can say “Yo-Spoon! There’s got to be a better way!”
28. Why was the spoon sent to prison? Because it was caught stealing silverware.
29. My utensils are having an existential crisis. The knives are sharpened to the point and the spoons have become deeply bent out of shape. The forks don’t know which side to take. It’s complete kitchen chaos over here. I tried to restore order but the spatula snapped under the pressure. The cheese grater is keeping a level head about the whole thing though. Guess she’s seen it all before. I knew I shouldn’t have bought sentient silverware. But the salesman promised it would make dining a “truly interactive experience.”
30. What do you call a psychic midget fugitive on the run from the law? A small medium at large. Once when he was cornered by police, he tried to hide his spoon bending abilities by claiming it was just a trick of the light. But they booked him on multiple counts of es-spoon-age. He even tried using his mind reading skills to make the interrogators let him go. But they saw right through his little mentalist games. Now he’s serving time in a prison for the height challenged.
31. Why does a moon rock taste better than an earth rock? Because it’s a little meteor. Speaking of space food, I heard the Apollo astronauts had to eat their meals with special spoons in zero gravity.Regular spoons apparently don’t work too well when you’re floating upside down. The food just floats right off! NASA spent millions developing a special zero gravity spoon. It looks kind of like a dentist’s tool. The food sticks to the specially designed bowl shape. I bet those fancy space age spoons will sell for big money at auction one day. Anything astronaut used is super valuable to collectors.
32. Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay they’d be bagels! Speaking of bagels, I ate one this morning with some lox spread. Gotta have a nice big spoon to scoop that creamy fishy goodness onto the bagel. A fork just doesn’t cut it. The holes in the bagel make all the lox fall through! Spoon is clearly the superior utensil when it comes to spreading things on bagels. I suppose one could use a butter knife too. But the spoon has that nice scoopy shape that picks up just the right amount of spread per swipe. Can’t beat the simple elegance of the trusty old spoon!
33. Did you hear about the angry pancake? He just flipped out. Speaking of flipping out, I once knew a guy who completely lost it when he found out I ate pancakes with a spoon. He said it was an abomination to eat pancakes with anything other than a fork. I told him to chill out and stop being so forked up about it. I’ll eat pancakes with whatever utensil I please. First of all, a spoon lets you take a nice big scoop that gets the ideal syrup to pancake ratio. Secondly, it’s much less likely to tear up the flapjack in the process. And thirdly, washing sticky syrup residue off a spoon is way easier than scrubbing it out of all the fork tines. So let’s not flip out over how other people eat their flapjacks okay? Live and let eat I always say.
34. What did the policeman say to his belly-button? You’re under a vest. Speaking of vests, did you hear about the new bulletproof vest made of silver spoons? It’s for politicians who were born with silver spoons in their mouths. It offers them extra protection from assassination attempts. Joking aside, those things are so thick they’d probably stop a tank round. Leave it to corrupt fat cat politicians to prioritize their own safety over public welfare. Meanwhile teachers are paying for school supplies out of their own pockets. Seems to me like our tax dollars could be better spoon fed to education over entitled bureaucrats.
35. What do you call a dog magician? A labracadabrador. Speaking of dogs, I tried to teach my dog to fetch me a spoon but he just slobbered all over it. I guess the old adage is true – you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. Or in this case – you can’t teach a young dog a useful trick that doesn’t involve excessive drool. Ah well, back to getting my own spoons like usual. I’d better stock up on some extra paper towels too to deal with all the doggy drool. Maybe I should get my dog one of those no-slurp doggy bowls. Then we wouldn’t go through so many paper towels! Gotta be better solutions out there than just continuously wiping up gallons of drool.
36. Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de Brie. Speaking of French cheeses, I like to eat my brie with a good jam or fruit preserves on top. The only proper way to spread those is with a good sturdy spoon – none of those dainty flatware spoons will cut it. You need something with some heft that can slice off a hunk of cheese and scoop up just the right amount of spread. Using a dainty spoon to eat a creamy French cheese is like trying to dig a ditch with a plastic spork – good luck with that! Bring on the real silverware I say when it comes to fine cheeses.
37. Want to hear a pizza joke? Nevermind, it’s too cheesy. Speaking of pizza, do you eat it with a fork or spoon? This debate nearly ended a decade long friendship of mine. My college buddy Scott was firmly in the “pizza must only be eaten with hands” camp. Meanwhile, I sometimes liked to eat it with a fork and spoon when I wanted to avoid greasy fingers or was eating soup-style pizza. Scott said only kids use utensils for pizza. We almost stopped being friends over this silly disagreement. Looking back, it was a pretty stupid thing to fight about. Who cares how you get the pizza into your mouth, right? As long as you enjoy it! I doubt either of us actually changed our pizza eating habits after that argument. We both just eat pizza however we want now and don’t bother judging others on their utensil choices.
