Laptop Puns
1. I bought a wireless keyboard and mouse for my laptop, but I don’t think it’s connected properly. There seems to be a missing USB link between them!
2. My laptop was feeling a bit slow, so I decided to install a solid-state drive. Let’s just say it’s booting up with a new outlook on life.
3. I was reading an emotional story on my laptop when suddenly the battery died. Now I’ll never know the touching end!
4. I wanted to install Linux on my old laptop, but when I opened it up, there was no hard drive. I guess it doesn’t have the capacity to handle a new operating system.
5. My laptop accidentally fell into a pool, and now the only keys that work are the Esc and F1 keys. I guess it’s permanently stuck in help mode!
6. I brought my malfunctioning laptop to get repaired, but the technician said the motherboard needs replacing. Sounds like it needs some tough love!
7. My laptop keeps overheating whenever I run large programs. I think it just can’t handle the workload and needs to cool down.
8. I wanted to upgrade my laptop’s processor, but the new one didn’t fit the socket. I guess I should have checked the specifications more closely first.
9. No matter how often I clean my laptop’s fan, it still gets clogged with dust. It seems this problem will just keep circulating.
10. My laptop was making strange noises, so I opened it up to investigate. Turns out the CPU fan was just having a fansy fit.
Laptop One-Liners
11. I guess you could say my old laptop moved a little slow… okay, glacially slow.
12. My laptop is like my brain – warm, overheated and holding more cat videos than you could imagine.
13. Typing on this laptop keyboard is about as comfortable as walking barefoot on Legos.
14. This cheap laptop runs so slowly, I think it’s processor is just one hamster on a wheel.
15. I spilled coffee on my laptop this morning and now it’s giving me latte errors.
16. My laptop battery lasts about as long as a Game of Thrones character.
17. My laptop is like an overly clingy partner – it overheats if left alone and slows down everything I do.
18. I think my laptop’s Caps Lock key is sarcastic – it’s always on.
19. This laptop has more bloatware than a Thanksgiving dinner.
20. My old laptop was so slow, I could read War and Peace in the time it took to open a web browser.
Best Laptop Jokes
21. I was having issues with my laptop so I took it to the repair shop. The technician opened it up, looked inside, and said “Yep, the problem is right here between the keyboard and the chair.”
22. My friend asked to borrow my laptop and promised he’d return it in mint condition. When I got it back, the whole thing was covered in chocolate and candy wrappers.
23. I saw a guy at the coffee shop drop his laptop bag and spill coffee all over his MacBook. Talk about a grande mistake!
24. My dad was complaining about his old, slow laptop so I told him “You know what you need? A new laptop.” He said, “I just bought this one 6 years ago!” I said, “Exactly.”
25. I was on an airplane and the guy in front of me reclined his seat all the way back, crushing my laptop screen. I tapped him on the shoulder and said, “Excuse me, do you mind? You just broke my laptop.” He turned around and said, “Sorry about that chief, but this ain’t a library.”
26. The guy next to me at the airport was furiously typing on his laptop. Curious, I glanced over and saw his screen was filled with random letters and numbers. I asked him what he was working on. He said, “Oh, this? I’m writing a post for my cryptology blog.”
27. My colleague brought his laptop to a meeting but couldn’t get it connected to the projector. He kept murmuring “Why doesn’t it work?” I finally told him, “It might help if you turned the laptop around so the monitor faces the projector.”
28. I was watching a movie on my laptop when my neighbor called to complain about the noise. I said, “All you can hear is me eating popcorn! How can that be bothering you?” He said, “Because I can also hear all the movie dialogue perfectly with your volume turned up that loud!”
29. My dad was having laptop troubles so he asked me, his techy daughter, to take a look. After poking around for a few minutes I said, “Looks like you have a bad case of the ‘User Errors.’ Try using it more carefully!”
30. The guy sitting next to me at the library was subtly angling his laptop screen away. I peeked over and saw he was looking at pictures of cats in silly poses. When he caught me watching, he slammed the laptop shut and hissed “You saw nothing!”
31. I caught my son trying to sneak his laptop into the bathroom. When I scolded him, he said “I need something to read in there!” I told him “Try a magazine next time instead of a $2000 electronic device!”
32. Working on my laptop at the kitchen table, my daughter dumped a bowl of cereal right onto the keyboard. Milk dripped down the screen as I held back a scream thinking about the repair costs. Of all the spilled milk tales, this one was definitely the sourest.
33. Riding the subway with my laptop bag on my shoulder, the train came to an abrupt stop and I stumbled into the pole. My laptop smashed right into it with the force of me plus centrifugal motion. Let’s just say I’m “pole” vaulting straight to the Apple Store.
34. My friend was paranoid about his expensive laptop getting stolen so he never let it leave his sight. One day I saw him following it into the bathroom, laptop in hand. I said “Isn’t that a bit extreme?” He said “Hey, can’t be too careful these days!”
35. I was walking across campus with my laptop bag when a squirrel suddenly jumped onto my back. Surprised, I twisted around trying to shake it off while also clinging tightly to my bag. Two students saw me dancing around and yelled “Random squirrel attack or bad case of the jitters before finals?”
36. My colleague brought his dusty old laptop to a business meeting. When he opened it up, a plume of dirt and hair balls puffed out. Everyone jumped back, coughing and waving the air. My mortified colleague slammed it shut again and said “I might need to get a newer model before the next quarterly budget review.”
37. While going through airport security, I placed my laptop in a bin which then went into the x-ray scanner. The agent stopped it halfway through and asked me to step aside. Panicked, I thought I had forgotten to remove some prohibited item but it turns out he just wanted to compliment my cool laptop case.
38. I was walking to class when a campus golf cart zoomed by, hitting a rock which flew up and cracked my laptop screen that I was carrying. The driver didn’t even stop as I stood there in shock, staring at my precious computer. Now I’ve learned to dodge both literal and metaphorical curveballs that come flying my way on campus.
39. My son forgot to bring a key file for his group presentation at college. I overnight shipped his laptop so he’d have the file in time. He called afterwards saying “You really saved me! The presentation got an A thanks to you.” Sending a laptop overnight – the ultimate motherboard gesture.
40. I saw a student trip and fling his laptop sideways to the ground, landing right on the corner. He picked it up gingerly and the screen flickered wildly like a slot machine before going black. I cringed thinking about his near miss jackpot of cracked glass and fried electronics.
41. My friend always rests his laptop directly on his lap, with the hot air vents pointed right at his pants. I told him “Dude, I bet you can’t even have kids anymore after cooking your lapsicles day after day!” He just shrugged and said “Small price to pay for enjoying the latest memes in comfort.”
