Toast Puns
1. I wanted to make French toast this morning but I’m a little crusty about it.
2. My toaster and I have a very complex relationship. Most days I want to cram bread down her slots, but sometimes when the mood strikes, I just want to take her out to dinner and treat her right.
3. I was feeling down so I went to talk to my toaster. She gave me some uplifting advice and really helped turn my frown upside down.
4. I caught my toaster spying on me in the shower. Things have been pretty awkward between us since, every morning when I make toast I can tell she’s undressing me with her eyes.
5. My toaster is the only one who truly understands me. She sees me at my lowest, barely functioning before I’ve had my toast, yet loves me all the same.
6. I accidentally dropped my toaster in the bath with me. Let’s just say things got a little steamy between us, if you know what I mean.
7. They say you can’t put a price on love. Well I spent $16.99 on my toaster at Target, so I beg to differ.
8. My toaster keeps calling me back for seconds even after I’ve had my fill. She’s insatiable!
9. Roses are red, violets are blue, my toaster’s hot, but not as hot as you.
10. They say don’t play with fire, but every morning when I make toast I like to live dangerously.
11. Making toast with you is my jam.
12. You must be tired, cause you’ve been running through my toast all day.
13. Are you a toaster? Because I’d love for you to turn me on.
14. If you were bread, I’d cram you in my slots.
Toast One-Liners
15. I’m so in bread with you.
16. You light my fire, baby.
17. Hey girl, want me to toast your buns?
18. Let’s get toasted!
19. You’re looking hot and crispy today.
20. Feeling hungry? I’ve got plenty of buns for you.
21. Things are really heating up between us!
22. We go together like peanut butter and toast.
23. I must be jelly, cause I’m totally crushing on you.
24. You’re the butter to my toast!
25. Baby, I’d love to butter your biscuit.
26. Hey baby, want me to tickle your buns?
27. I’m one hot slice of toast.
28. Let’s get nice and toasty tonight.
29. You make me feel oh so warm inside.
30. How do you like your toast? Light and sweet?
Best Toast Jokes
31. Why was the toaster so sad? It felt unfulfilled.
32. What do you call two slices of toast who get married? Newlybreads!
33. Why are pieces of toast the most charitable food? They’re always willing to give a helping hand to those in jam.
34. I entered my toaster in a baking contest, but it didn’t win. It was lacking in breadth of experience.
35. What do you get when you cross a toaster and a donkey? Hot cross buns.
36. Why can’t toasters be trusted? They are always up to something crumby.
37. What do you call a toaster that cleans up the city and fights crime? The Toastinator!
38. My toaster started speaking to me this morning. At first I thought it was strange, but now we’re having some pretty heated debates about bread types and toasting settings.
39. I caught my toaster laughing behind my back this morning. When I asked what was so funny, she said “Oh nothing, just an inside joke.”
40. Why did the hipster burn his mouth? He ate his toast before it was cool.
41. What sits beside a toaster and says “What’s up Toastie!” All day long? A weirdo.
42. What do you call a psychic midget who has escaped from prison? A small medium at large.
43. Did you hear about the idea to develop a hybrid between a toaster and a lawnmower? It was groundbreaking!
44. How do you stop a dog from humping your leg? Pick it up and suck its genitals.
45. How do you know when your sister is on her period? Your dad’s cock tastes funny.
46. What’s the best part about having sex with twenty eight year olds? There’s twenty of them.
47. How do you circumcise a hillbilly? Kick his sister in the jaw.
48. What’s the difference between jelly and jam? You can’t jelly a cock down someone’s throat.
49. What’s the difference between a pizza and a Jew? A pizza doesn’t scream when you put it in the oven.
50. How do you stop a dog from humping your leg? Suck his dick.
51. What’s the difference between acne and a priest? Acne only comes on a boy’s face after he turns 12.
52. What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection? A quarter-pounder with cheese.
53. What do you get when you put a baby in a blender? An erection.
54. How do you get a dog to stop humping your leg? Pick it up and suck its dick.
55. Why can’t Stevie Wonder read? Because he’s black.
56. What’s the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of dead babies? You can’t unload the bowling balls with a pitchfork.
57. How do you stop five black men from raping a white woman? Throw them a basketball.
58. What’s the difference between Santa Claus and a Jew? Santa goes down the chimney.
59. What do you call a black priest? Holy shit.
60. Why do black people have white hands? Everyone has some good in them.
61. What do you call a bunch of white people sitting on a bench? The NBA.
62. Why do Mexicans walk around with their hands up in the air? Because they have no fingerprints.
63. What do you call a Mexican baptism? Bean dip.
64. Why can’t Mexicans play Uno? Because they keep stealing the green cards.
