Feet Puns (20)
- What do you call a podiatrist with cold hands? A lack-toes intolerant doctor!
- What do you call a shoe made from a banana? A slipper!
- Why don’t feet smell when you’re sleeping? Because they can’t smell when you’re unconscious!
- What do you call a sad foot? A melanch-toe!
- My friend got athlete’s foot in both feet. Doctor said it was a fungus among us.
- I entered a contest for most beautiful feet, but I didn’t win. I guess I just wasn’t in my arch-nemesis’ league.
- What do you call cheese that’s not yours? Nacho cheese! Same goes for feet!
- I was going to tell a joke about feet, but it would just be another toe much information.
- What did the foot say to the chiropractor? I need an achy breaky back crack!
- What do you call a fortune teller who reads feet? A palm reader!
- My friend got an ingrown toenail removed. Doctor said it wouldn’t be a big deal.
- What did the pirate say when he got athlete’s foot? Shiver me timbers!
- Did you hear about the new online foot fetish community? It launched only fans and toes!
- What did the Zen master say to the hot foot? This too shall pass!
- What do you call cheese that doesn’t belong to you? Nacho cheese! Same with feet!
- I wanted to be a shoe designer but found the career had no sole.
- Did you hear about the new Tree Pose yoga studio? It focused solely on standing on one foot!
- I entered a beautiful feet contest but just didn’t have a leg to stand on.
- What do you call a fortune teller that reads feet? A palm reader!
Feet One-Liners (20)
- Athlete’s foot is no joke—it can turn even the nicest feet into something pretty nasty!
- They say big feet means a big… shoe size.
- I guess you could say ballet dancers are always on their tippy-toes!
- Having sweaty feet is no walk in the park.
- Having your feet stepped on is a real kick in the pants.
- When it comes to foot odor, sometimes ignorance is bliss.
- They say you should walk a mile in someone’s shoes to understand them, but shoes don’t tell the whole story!
- Having a foot fetish takes your priorities in some pretty strange directions.
- Corns on your feet are a pain, but just imagine having corns on your hands!
- Having a bunion surgically removed may be a step in the right direction.
- Trimming your toenails is a real nail-biter when you have bad aim.
- Athlete’s foot fungus spreads faster than gossip in middle school!
- Cinderella had dainty feet, but her stepsisters were a different story.
- They say big feet mean you’re well-endowed, but I think that’s just a bunch of toe-tal nonsense.
- Having two left feet makes dancing an interesting challenge.
- Trench foot sounds like a pretty crumby condition.
- Toe socks are all fun and games until it’s time to do laundry.
- Plantar warts are about as fun as a kick in the shins.
- In the battle against foot odor, deodorant spray is the nuclear option.
- Having Raynaud’s syndrome means cold feet take on a whole new meaning.
Best Feet Jokes (20)
1. I broke two of my toes last week and went to the hospital to get an x-ray done. The doctor came back and said, “I have good news and bad news. The good news is that your circulation looks great, no signs of diabetes or anything.” I sighed in relief and asked what the bad news was. “Well,” he said, “it seems you have a broken foot.”
2. Did you hear about the new reflexology clinic that opened up downtown? People have been lining up around the block to get in! I heard they really give you a good foot massage. Apparently, the walls are lined with posters about the health benefits of reflexology so you can read while you’re getting your feet rubbed. They even have foot spas you can soak your feet in before and after your session. I can’t wait to book an appointment and treat myself to some relaxation! My feet have been killing me lately.
3. Why was the podiatrist so busy today? Because so many people made appointments for their feet! You wouldn’t believe the line out the door this morning. Mrs. Jones came in for her regular corn treatment, Mr. Smith needed his toenails clipped, and Jenny needed custom orthotics fit for her new ballet shoes. Not to mention all the people coming in for basic foot care. The podiatrist was running around seeing patient after patient. I overheard him tell the receptionist that he didn’t even have time for a lunch break because he was so backed up. That’s what happens when you’re the best podiatrist in town—everyone wants an appointment with you!
4. Did you hear about Tim? He has such smelly feet that when he takes his shoes off, his feet stick up their noses and say, “Peee-eww, something smells!” Then his big toe fans the air and says, “It must be coming from over there!” Then all his toes start arguing with each other saying, “No, I think you smell!” Meanwhile, Tim just sits there red-faced and embarrassed, not knowing what to do. Maybe he should try soaking his feet or using extra strength deodorant on them! Although at this rate, that might not even help. Poor Tim and his super stinky feet!
5. Why don’t skeletons ever go barefoot? Because they don’t have any skin or toes! I heard a skeleton try going barefoot once. As soon as it took its shoes off, all its foot bones fell apart and scattered everywhere. It tried to put them back together again but kept getting the little phalanges mixed up. After hours of frustration it finally gave up. Now all skeletons know to keep their shoes on at all times. Otherwise their bony feet will disintegrate! Although I did see one skeleton wearing flip flops the other day. I guess some rebels will always insist on showing off their toe bones!
6. How do track runners pamper their feet after a big meet? They soak them in minty foot baths! The runners say it helps relax their feet and leg muscles after all that pounding on the track. They’ll draw a nice steaming foot soak with epsom salts, essential oils, and fresh mint leaves straight from the garden. It fills the whole locker room with a lovely minty aroma! Then they all sit around soaking their feet and chatting about the race. Before long, you can see the tension melting away as the minty foot soak does its magic. Those runners sure know how to unwind in style after a hard-fought track meet! Their feet will be happy and refreshed for their next round of training.
7. Why don’t zombies wear sandals? Because their toes keep falling off! I saw a zombie try to wear flip flops the other day, and it was not a pretty sight. As soon as it shambled down the street in them, its rotten toes started falling off one by one. Plop plop plop they went onto the sidewalk. Then its whole big toe fell off and the flip flop went flying! The zombie kept walking along like nothing happened, leaving a trail of toes behind it. So gross! Now all the zombies just stick to wearing sneakers and boots to keep their feet intact. Who needs open-toed shoes when your decaying extremities could detach at any moment? Not these zombies!
8. Why don’t aliens wear open-toed shoes? Because their feet are out of this world! I saw an alien walking down the street in sandals the other day, and its feet were crazy looking! It had six wiggly tentacle toes and suction cup heels. SO wild! After a few steps, its suction cup feet got stuck to the hot pavement. It had to stop and slowly unstick them to keep walking. Then a tentacle toe flicked out and grabbed a passing squirrel! The poor squirrel went flying before the alien could reel its toe back in. What a scene! Now I know aliens only wear boots and sneakers to keep their alien feet contained. Probably a wise choice for earth fashion… wouldn’t want any otherworldly feet making a spectacle in public!
9. What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers! Because they sneak around so much, ninjas need the perfect shoes to keep quiet while stealthily slinking through shadows on missions. After testing tabi boots, geta sandals, and bare feet, they finally found the best option is sneakers! The soft rubber soles allow ninjas to silently sneak up on their targets without making a sound. The durable material holds up to lots of leg-flipping, wall-jumping, and roof-hopping action. And the laces allow for the perfect fitted feel for maximum agility. While other warriors go for tough leather boots, ninjas know their feats of stealth are only possible thanks to the power of sneakers! From ancient times to today, sneakers have been the preferred footwear of grandmaster ninjas around the world.
10. How did the astronaut like walking on the moon? It was a small step for man but a giant leap for foot kind! Stepping down from the spacecraft onto the soft lunar dust, he took those historic first steps and realized just how momentous this was for feet everywhere. After ages gazing up and wondering about the moon, finally human feet were there to explore its mysterious surface. Millions of feet on Earth were undoubtedly jealous! As he cavorted across craters and hopped over moon rocks, he could feel his feet filling with lunar joy. One small scuff for feet, one giant moment for footkind! No doubt feet everywhere were proudly walking just a little taller today.
