Pilot Puns
1. I wanted to become a pilot, but I decided to give up my fly-ing dreams.
2. The pilot lost his job because he couldn’t control his dr-o-nes.
3. The pilot was feeling under the weather, so he decided to wing it.
4. The pilot’s favorite band is the Wright Brothers.
5. The pilot didn’t want to tell any more plane jokes, so he decided to jet.
6. The pilot tested positive for the flu and had to call in fly.
7. The pilot’s favorite pizza topping is plane cheese.
8. The pilot tried juggling at the circus, but he just couldn’t get a handle on it.
9. The retired pilot now works at the butterflies pavilion. He says it’s less stressful than air traffic control.
10. The pilot with bad gas has a wind problem.
11. The broke pilot started a career as a DJ to earn some extra dough.
12. The pilot failed his driver’s test because he kept drifting into other lanes. His instructor said he just needs to stay on the straight and narrow.
13. The pilot’s dog loves playing catch with frisbees. He’s a retriever… no, a catchter… no, a fetcher!
14. The pilot couple had their first baby. Now their family has been cleared for takeoff.
15. The pilot’s favorite TV show is Airplane Repo.
Pilot One-Liners
16. Pilot 1 to Pilot 2: What’s our vector, Victor?
17. Pilot: My life story? It’s plane to see that I was born to fly!
18. A day without planes would just be a bit more quiet… and less crowded.
19. Pilot: Turbulence ahead folks, please fasten your seatbelts and make sure your seats and tray tables are in their upright positions.
20. Pilot: Welcome aboard, folks! For your in-flight entertainment I will be telling bad aviation jokes for the duration of this flight.
21. Pilot: I became a pilot because I was tired of my desk job and wanted to reach new heights!
22. Pilot: I got 99 problems but a glitch ain’t one. All systems go for takeoff!
23. Pilot: Houston, we have a tiny problem. I forgot to use the bathroom before takeoff.
24. Pilot: Sorry for the bumpy ride folks! We are experiencing some air pocket turbulence which may result in flight, fight or fright response!
25. Pilot: Fasten your seatbelts, it’s about to get turbulent. No worries though, I have over 20,000 hours in the flight simulator game on my iPad.
Best Pilot Jokes
26. A pilot was preparing for a long-haul flight when his co-pilot came down with food poisoning. Since it was too late to find a replacement, the pilot decided he would have to make the journey alone. After taking off, he radioed ground control for his first update report. “This is flight 121 requesting flight status update.” Ground control radioed back, “Flight 121, we show you are on course and altitude. How are things going up there? Over.” The pilot replied, “Well, the first officer is still in the restroom and I don’t think he’ll be coming out anytime soon. I’ll keep you updated on his status. Over.”
27. A Boeing 747 was making its way across the Atlantic. It flew consistently at 800 km/h at 30,000 feet, when suddenly a Eurofighter with Tempo Mach 2 appeared. The pilot of the fighter jet slowed down, flew alongside the Boeing, waved, then went back to his original speed and disappeared. The pilot of the 747 grabbed his microphone and said, “Did you see thatguy?! I bet he flashes past us and then slows down to wave as he appears on our right!” So the fighter pilot appeared out of nowhere on the left side, waved, and then was gone again in a flash. The 747 pilot was in awe. “Wow, look at him go!” The fighter pilot couldn’t help himself, so he appeared on the right side, waved, and zoomed past. The 747 pilot felt obliged to contact him: “You certainly are a fast mover! What are you, some kind of Decathlon rocket plane?” The Eurofighter pilot replied, “Nope, I’m just your copilot returning from the bathroom…”
28. What do you call a plane full of bored people? A Boeing 737.
29. How does the airplane stay warm in the winter? It uses its jet puffs.
30. Why don’t planes fly at night? Because the pilot has to keep his flying license!
31. Why did the plane make an emergency landing? Because it needed to take a pilot break.
32. How do you organize an air show party? You wing it.
33. Why did the airplane get sent to his room? He had a bad altitude.
34. What do you call an airplane that can’t fly? A ground plane.
35. Why was the airplane so tired when he arrived? It had a long flight.
36. What do clouds wear under their shorts? Thunderpants.
37. What do you call an airplane that crosses the Atlantic in the Winter? A brrrrrrrrrrrplane.
38. Why was the helicopter grounded? It was going through a rough patch.
39. What do you call a magic airplane? A flying sorcerer!
40. How do airplanes stay cool? They turn on their propellors!
41. Why did Sally’s airplane get sent to the principal’s office? For making too many fly-bys during class!
42. What do you call an out of control airplane? A plane gone!
43. Why don’t eggs fly planes? They’d crack under the pressure.
44. Why was the seaplane wet? It flew over the ocean!
45. Knock knock! Who’s there? Cargo. Cargo who? Car go beep beep when I back up!
