Lightbulb Puns
1. What do you call an LED lightbulb that’s afraid of the dark? A little light!
2. Why was the lightbulb hired by the police? It was a bright bulb!
3. Why did the lightbulb go to college? It wanted to get more watts!
4. What do you call a lightbulb that just came back from vacation? A tan watt!
5. How does a lightbulb get drunk? It goes on a power binge!
6. Why was the lightbulb elected president? It had a glowing personality!
7. Why don’t eggs tell lightbulb jokes? They’d crack each other up!
8. Why was the lightbulb sad after the party? It felt burnt out!
9. What do you call ten lightbulbs in a race? A bright match!
10. Why do lightbulbs make great therapists? They’re good listeners!
Lightbulb One-Liners
11. I changed my lightbulb today—it was truly enlightening!
12. My smart lightbulb is so intelligent, sometimes I swear it’s bright!
13. How many electricians does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one, but you have to pay extra if you want it done right.
14. My lightbulb burnt out last night, talk about a dim moment!
15. They say it takes one person to change a lightbulb, unless it’s a CFL, then it takes ten minutes and absolute frustration.
16. I tried having an intelligent conversation with my smart lightbulb, but it wasn’t very bright.
17. I used to think changing lightbulbs was difficult, but after doing it once I saw the light!
18. My friend keeps trying to tell lightbulb jokes, he doesn’t seem to get how dim-witted they are.
19. I swear my lightbulb has an on-again-off-again relationship with the ceiling.
20. How many narcissists does it take to change a lightbulb? One—they hold the bulb and wait for the universe to revolve around them.
Best Lightbulb Jokes
21. Three lightbulbs walk into a bar. One bulb begins boasting, “I’m the brightest bulb around!” The second bulb says, “No way, I’m obviously brighter than you.” The third bulb sarcastically says, “Oh sure, you guys are soooo bright.”
The first bulb gets angry and says to the bartender, “You be the judge, which one of us is the brightest bulb?”
The bartender thinks for a moment and says, “Honestly you all seem pretty dim to me!”
22. How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One to hold the giraffe and one to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.
23. An electrician is wiring a house and accidentally touches two wires together causing a short circuit. The homeowner hears a loud zap and walks into the room to see the electrician lying on the floor shocked.
“Oh no, are you alright?” asks the homeowner.
The electrician quickly jumps up and says “Yeah, no worries. I’m a lightbulb, just changing my shorts!”
24. A man walks into a hardware store and asks for a replacement lightbulb. “What wattage do you need?” asks the shopkeeper.
“Oh I don’t know, about 2000-2500 would do it,” replies the man.
The shopkeeper pauses and says, “Volts watt you need? A 2000 watt bulb would burn your house down!”
“Oh! I meant something like 60 watts,” says the man. “I always mix those up.”
The shopkeeper chuckles, “It’s okay, many people have trouble understanding watts watt.”
25. How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb? Six. One to turn the bulb, one to make an app telling others the light bulb needs to be changed, one to organize an awareness campaign about the effects of un-changed light bulbs, one to meditate about how to change the bulb to have the most positive impact, one to blog about the spiritual reasons for proper light bulb changing, and one to petition for a ban on incandescent light bulbs.
26. How many consultants does it take to change a lightbulb?
I’ll have an estimate for you a week from Monday.
27. A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender notices a tiny person sitting next to the man’s glass.
“Hey, what’s with the little guy?” asks the bartender.
“Oh, that’s a lightbulb,” replies the man.
“A lightbulb?” says the bartender, confused.
“Yeah, he’s a little lit!” says the man with a laugh.
28. A scientist is studying the behavioral patterns of lightbulbs and notices something strange—the bulbs seem to demonstrate a fear response when he turns on the light switch.
To further investigate, he constructs a maze for the lightbulbs to run through. Sure enough, when the light switch is flipped, the bulbs hastily try to find an exit from the maze, clearly exhibiting fear.
“Fascinating,” thinks the scientist, “these bulbs are capable of emotion and intelligence!”
He decides to ramp up the experiment by adding mild electric shocks whenever the bulbs reach a dead end. After just a few trials, the bulbs learn to quickly navigate the maze to avoid the shocks.
The scientist is stunned. His research has proven that lightbulbs have feelings and can problem-solve like humans! He calls a press conference to present his amazing discovery to the world.
The media is shocked. “How is this possible?” they ask incredulously.
“Well,” replies the scientist, “it appears I’ve managed to turn my light bulbs on!”
29. An engineer, a physicist, and a statistician are tasked with changing a lightbulb.
The engineer begins calculating the wattage requirements, optimal filament material, and socket durability.
The physicist starts describing the physics of incandescence and electromagnetic emissions.
The statistician just starts turning the bulb over and over, saying “assume this side up…”
30. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little more space.
31. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day!
32. The future, the present and the past walked into a bar. Things got a little tense.
33. A termite walks into a bar and asks “Is the bar tender here?”
34. Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards? He was just going through a stage.
35. I couldn’t figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.
