Straw Puns
1. I tried to make a belt out of watch straps, but it was a waist of time. I guess I should have stuck with the straw idea.
2. My friend got angry when I put a straw in his drink without asking. I guess I really sucked the fun out of that moment.
3. I entered a contest for who could build the tallest straw tower, but my structure collapsed. I guess I really drew the short straw.
4. I tried to impress my date by showing off my superior straw slaying skills. But she wasn’t sipping what I was sipping.
5. My milkshake brought all the boys to the yard, but I drank it all up with my extra long curly straw before they could have any.
6. I bought my turtle a snorkel so he could breathe while swimming. He took one look at the crazy curly straw and said, “That’s just sip-ply ridiculous!”
7. Our band was called the Straw Suckers. We really wanted to make it big, but it turned out we sucked in more ways than one.
8. I told my friend a funny straw joke, but he didn’t crack a smile. Some people just don’t have a taste for corny humor.
9. Did you hear about the straw that was knighted by the Queen of England? Sir Sipsalot sure had a twisted journey to the top.
10. I’m so bad at sucking liquids through a straw that I can barely sip-port myself.
Straw One-Liners
11. I’m not drinking from that glass, I insist on using a straw to avoid lipstick stains.
12. Who needs chopsticks? I’ll use this straw to slurp up my ramen noodles, thank you very much!
13. Slurp, slurp – just helping the Earth by reusing my plastic straw over and over.
14. Do you think they make crazy straws in adult sizes or are we stuck with the kiddie ones?
15. I may look ridiculous sipping my supersized soda through a swirly straw, but I don’t care one bit!
16. Let me bend and twist this straw in my iced coffee a few more times – I’m trying to set a curly straw record here!
17. Do you think crazy straws make drinks taste better or is that just my imagination?
18. I bet I could build an entire straw city if I collected enough of these things from restaurants and cafes.
19. My milkshake is so thick I’m going to need an extra wide straw to get anything through this creamy beast.
20. Slurp, slurp – just trying to get every last drop of my smoothie through this straw!
Best Straw Jokes
21. A man walked into a bar and asked the bartender for a straw. The bartender said, “Here you go.” The man took the straw and walked away. The next day, the man came back and asked for another straw. The bartender gave it to him, but said, “If you need a straw, you have to order a drink.” The man nodded and left. This repeated for weeks – the man kept coming back asking for a straw and the bartender kept giving him one. Finally, frustrated, the bartender said, “Buddy, I can’t keep giving you straws if you don’t order a drink. What’s going on?” The man explained, “I have hiccups. When I put the straw in my mouth, the hiccups go away immediately. It’s the only thing that works!”
22. A scientist was studying the effects of drinking soda through different materials. He set up an experiment with four groups: one drank soda through plastic straws, one through paper straws, one through glass straws, and one through reusable stainless steel straws. After a month, he came back to observe the results. The plastic group had gained weight, the paper group was about the same, the glass group lost weight, and the steel group was iron-deficient.
23. Sally was sipping her soda through a red and white striped straw. Her friend asked, “Why do you always use a straw? Is it for the taste?” Sally shook her head and said, “Nope, it’s a bad habit – I’m just stuck on straws.”
24. Jimmy and Tyler were best friends who did everything together. One day at lunch, Jimmy started drinking his juice through a straw, so Tyler did too. The next day, straws became banned at their school. Jimmy and Tyler were devastated – their signature straw-sipping move was ruined! From then on, they resorted to weaker means of bonding, like chatting and playing games together. But their friendship was never quite the same without the straws.
25. Sherlock Holmes and Watson were enjoying a nice cup of tea when Watson noticed something strange. “Holmes, you always drink your tea with a straw. Why is that?” Sherlock smiled. “Elementary, my dear Watson. I find the straw channels the liquid directly to my taste receptors, allowing for optimal flavor appreciation.” Watson shook his head and chuckled. “Only you would overanalyze drinking tea, Holmes.”
26. Little Timmy loved bendy straws. At restaurants, he would always play with them, twisting and turning them into crazy shapes. One day, Timmy got a little too excited twisting his straw at a birthday party. It kinked and the soda splashed right into his face! His mom said, “I told you not to play with your straw!” Timmy replied, “But mom, you know I’m hooked on these things!” Though he was embarrassed, Timmy kept on straw-tinkering. Old habits die hard, after all.
27. Straw met Drink at a bar one night. They hit it off immediately – Straw found Drink charming and refreshing while Drink found Straw strong yet flexible. At the end of the night, Straw gave Drink his number. Drink smiled coyly and said, “Don’t call me, I’ll sip you later.” And with that, Drink disappeared into the night, leaving Straw stirring alone with his thoughts and daydreams.
28. When Amanda went strawberry picking with her family, she was most excited for the strawberry ice cream after. She loved swirling the sweet pink cream with rainbow sprinkles. This time, Amanda’s dad took her to a new strawberry farm that had huge juicy berries. She filled her bucket quickly, already tasting the ice cream. But at the end, her dad drove past all the shops selling ice cream and went home. There, he revealed he’d bought a strawberry puree machine. Amanda threw a fit – no ice cream and just strawberry goo?! What a rotten straw deal.
29. The straw factory was operating at full capacity, cranking out straw after straw. But suddenly the machines jammed. “It’s a straw emergency!” cried the manager. All the workers rushed to help clear the clogged chutes. They desperately unclogged straw after straw until the machines whirred smoothly again. The manager sighed in relief and praised the team for saving the day. Thanks to them, the factory could keep on sucking.
30. When Sam ordered a milkshake on his first date with Megan, he was surprised to see her pull out a reusable steel straw from her purse. As Megan happily sipped away, Sam was impressed by her eco-conscious gesture. Wanting to seem equally virtuous, he made a show of properly recycling his paper straw when done. Megan saw right through it but appreciated the attempt. On their next date, Sam brought his own metal straw too. He was determined to suck less…for the Earth’s sake, of course.
31. The mad scientist Dr. Sipenstein had created a monster – the massive Strawzilla was rampaging through the city. He sucked up citizens left and right into his huge swirling vortex. The military attacked but were no match. Just when all hope seemed lost, the Straw Slayer arrived. Wielding her magical sword Swirly, she sliced Strawzilla clean in half. His sucking powers neutralized, Strawzilla deflated into a limp pile. The people cheered their hero – she had saved them from the straw that broke the camel’s back!
