Singing Puns
1. Why was the singer arrested? For starting a bar fight. Apparently she hit a few notes she shouldn’t have!
2. I asked my friend how her karaoke performance went last night. She said, “Don’t even axe.”
3. Did you hear about the claustrophobic opera singer? They had a hard time getting into their aria.
4. Why do tenors sing so loudly? They’re compensating for their lack of baritones.
5. What do you call someone who got kicked out of a choir? A rebel without a choral.
6. Why do sopranos have trouble finding their cars in parking lots? Because they can’t find their high C’s!
7. How does a young soprano screw in a lightbulb? She holds it up and waits for the world to revolve around her.
8. What’s the difference between a tenor and a piranha? The piranha stops singing once your head is in its mouth.
9. Did you hear about the Irish singer who won The Voice? They really nailed their Dublin audition.
10. Why are opera singers great gardeners? They always know how to plant their arias.
Singing One-Liners
11. My singing teacher says I have a great range. Between awful and terrible.
12. I’m a baritone – I can crack mirrors but I can’t break glass ceilings.
13. Singing lessons? More like expensive yelling.
14. I’m not tone-deaf, I’m tone-unique.
15. Singing in the shower is fun until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera.
16. The worst thing about karaoke is having to listen to everyone else.
17. I entered an amateur singing contest. I didn’t win, but I got a shout out for “Most Tolerated.”
18. I recently performed at an open mic night. Now the bar has closed mic night.
19. My friends say I sing like a strangled cat. I think the cat would beg to differ.
20. I was going to join choir, but the only notes I hit are bank notes.
Best Singing Jokes
21. Tom was struggling in his singing class, so his teacher assigned him to start vocal lessons with the famous opera singer Madame Lavilla.
At his first lesson, Madame Lavilla looked at Tom and said, “Dear boy, we have a lot of work to do. Let’s start with some basic exercises.” She played a C note on the piano and had Tom match the pitch. “Good,” she said. “Now try this.” She played a higher note. Tom strained and croaked but couldn’t reach the pitch.
Madame Lavilla sighed. “This will not do. Go home and practice hitting higher notes. We will try again next week.”
When Tom came back the next week, Madame Lavilla played the same high note on the piano. This time Tom nailed it perfectly.
“Wonderful!” applauded Madame Lavilla. “You have improved so much! But tell me, how did you do it?”
“Well,” said Tom, “I went home and practiced reaching higher notes by milking my cow every day. Once I could milk her, hitting high notes was easy!”
22. Sally was an aspiring singer trying to launch her music career. She decided to audition for the popular TV talent show The Voice.
Sally practiced singing for months to prepare. Finally the big day arrived. She sang her heart out through the blind audition, but not a single judge’s chair turned around.
Crushed, Sally walked off stage in tears. Suddenly, she heard a booming voice say, “Do not fret, my child! You have the voice of an angel!”
Sally looked up and saw one of the judges had turned their chair after all. But it wasn’t Adam Levine, Blake Shelton, Gwen Stefani or Pharrell Williams.
It was God.
23. Harry’s friends loved his singing voice and kept telling him he should try out for the school musical. After weeks of persuasion, Harry finally agreed to audition.
The directors asked him to sing a short song of his choosing. Harry nervously started singing “You Are My Sunshine.” About halfway through, the directors started cracking up laughing.
Confused, Harry stopped singing. One of the directors said while chuckling, “Sorry, it’s just that your singing is pretty bad. Like quality wise, that was rough.”
Harry was mortified. But then the other director piped up. “Wait, your singing isn’t good…it’s perfect! Because our school musical this year is American Idol: The Musical. You’re going to play one of the contestants who can’t sing but thinks they can!”
24. Jane was super excited for the karaoke contest at her friend’s bachelorette party. She had been practicing singing along to pop songs in the shower for weeks.
When it was Jane’s turn at the mic, she dramatically grabbed it and started belting out “Since U Been Gone” by Kelly Clarkson. Jane sang loud and proud, really getting into it.
When the song ended, Jane struck a diva pose waiting for applause. Instead, she was met with stunned silence from her friends.
Finally, the maid of honor spoke up over the mic: “Um…Jane? This was just a game of karaoke. It wasn’t an actual contest.”
25. The singing teacher stared at his new student Zach in disbelief. “I’ve never heard anything quite like it,” he muttered.
“Really? You mean I’m that good for my first lesson?” Zach asked eagerly.
The teacher coughed. “Let’s just say, you have a very unique voice.”
Zach grinned. “When I was younger, my mom would get mad and cover her ears when I sang. So I must be really good if you’ve never heard anything like it before!”
“Oh yes, quite…distinctive,” said the teacher. “Why don’t we start with some breathing exercises.”
Zach readied himself and began to loudly sing the 5 note scale. The teacher cringed at the cracking, off-key notes.
It was going to take a lot of work get Zach’s singing to even mediocre. But the teacher was up for the challenge. He poured himself a glass of whiskey and said, “Alright, let’s try that again…”
26. At his first boy band audition, the producer told Tyler he wasn’t a strong enough singer yet for their group. Tyler begged, “Please, singing in a boy band has been my dream since I was a kid! Give me a chance to get better.”
The producer reluctantly agreed to let Tyler take singing lessons and audition again in a few months. Tyler diligently practiced with his vocal coach and nailed the audition the second time around. The boy band happily welcomed him as their new member.
On the day of their first big concert, the boy band was going through mic checks on stage. When they got to Tyler, the sound engineer stopped them.
“Wait, that mic isn’t working. Let me swap it out.” After switching mics, the engineer said, “Okay Tyler, try again.”
Tyler sang a few notes into the mic. The engineer frowned and said, “Yeah this mic still isn’t working. That’s really weird.”
The lead singer laughed. “No, the mic is fine. Tyler just can’t sing.”
27. Jenna was thrilled when she got a minor role in the ensemble of her community theater’s production of Les Miserables. While she only had a few small singing parts, it was still her first time performing in a musical.
On opening night, Jenna belted out her two lines during “One Day More.” She impressed herself by hitting the high notes perfectly.
After the show, Jenna’s castmates congratulated her. “Jenna, your singing was amazing!” gushed the lead actress. “It completely blew me away.”
Jenna blushed. “Wow, thanks! I didn’t have much to sing, but I’m glad I made the most of it.”
“Oh, I meant it blew me away…off the stage,” said the lead with a forced smile. “Maybe sing a little softer tomorrow night?”
28. The American Idol judges stopped the trembling contestant halfway through her audition.
“Sorry sweetheart, your voice just isn’t strong enough for this competition,” said Randy Jackson gently.
“Please, you have to let me finish!” begged the contestant. “Singing on American Idol has been my lifelong dream. I know I can impress you if you give me one more chance.”
The judges reluctantly agreed to let her start over. The contestant closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and belted out “I Will Always Love You” with incredible volume and passion.
When she finished, the judges sat stunned. Finally, Jennifer Lopez spoke up.
“You’re absolutely right, we misjudged you. Your singing is…so loud and…forceful. We’d love to hear more.”
29. Julie was beyond excited when she found out her a cappella group was opening for The Pentatonix. This performance could be her big break into the music industry.
On the night of the concert, Julie sang her heart out during their opening set. She hit ever note perfectly and pulled off riffs she didn’t know she was capable of.
After their set, Julie asked the Pentatonix members what they thought of her group’s performance.
“Well first off, you have an amazing voice,” said Kevin. “Like wow, I wish I could sing that well!”
Julie blushed at the praise. “Aww, thanks! I’m sure you say that to all the opening acts though.”
Kevin raised an eyebrow. “Actually, we usually say they sucked and thank God the audience didn’t have to suffer too long. But you were incredible!”
30. Emily was extremely proud when she got the lead role of Glinda in her high school’s production of Wicked. She had a beautiful soprano voice perfect for the part.
However, as the performance got closer, Emily came down with a bad cold. On opening night, she could barely talk, let alone sing high notes.
Emily drank tea with honey and powered through the show. She sang her solos in a lower, raspier range to avoid straining her voice.
After the show, Emily nervously asked the director if he was disappointed by her sick voice. The director replied, “Are you kidding? That was the most unique rendition of Glinda I’ve ever heard! The raspy, gritty quality lent an edgy vibe that worked perfectly!”
Emily sighed in relief. Her bad cold may have been a blessing in disguise.
31. Rob was thrilled when his classic rock cover band finally booked a gig at the local dive bar. He was looking forward to showing off his awesome singing voice.
When Rob got up to perform the opening song, he screamed the lyrics with wild abandon. He had practiced imitating the iconic vocalists perfectly.
As the night went on, Rob noticed the crowd looking more and more confused. Some people even started booing.
After their set, the drummer said to Rob, “Hey man, I know you’re pumped to finally sing on stage…but you gotta dial down the screeching. The vibe here is chill.”
Rob was embarrassed but grateful for the feedback. He vowed to tone down his overly zealous singing at their next gig.
32. Sarah knew she was an amazing singer. She had grown up performing solos in choir and gotten compliments her whole life. So when her friends asked her to sing at an open mic night, she was happy to steal the show.
Sarah took the stage and belted out “Rolling in the Deep” with practiced vibrato and runs. The crowd stared at her blankly. Thinking she just needed to try a different song, Sarah launched into “Halo” with even more vocal acrobatics. Still no reaction from the audience.
After the show, the host said, “Hey Sarah, here’s some advice. Less is more sometimes. You’ve clearly got pipes, so try dialing back the theatrics and connecting with the emotion.”
It was the first time Sarah had been given constructive criticism. She realized she had a lot to learn about moving an audience.
33. Martin was thrilled to get the lead role in a production of Phantom of the Opera. The directors praised his “haunting, mysterious voice” at auditions.
On opening night, Martin got ready in the dressing room applying his makeup. Suddenly, he noticed his throat felt scratchy and his voice sounded hoarse when he tried to sing.
Martin panicked, realizing he couldn’t lose his voice now! He ran around asking everyone for advice. One of the stagehands suggested drinking some pickle juice to soothe his throat.
Desperate, Martin chugged an entire jar of pickle juice. Shockingly, his throat immediately felt better and he sang perfectly. After the energetic performance, the director raved that Martin’s new “raspy, tortured vocals” were a brilliant artistic choice!
34. Nigel was a horrible singer, but he was convinced he was destined for fame on a talent show like American Idol. His friends tried to gently dissuade him from auditioning, but Nigel wouldn’t listen.
The day of the audition, Nigel warmed up his voice while waiting in line. The other contestants kept glancing over, looking concerned.
Finally Nigel’s turn came. He walked confidently out on stage and started singing and dancing to “Ice Ice Baby” by Vanilla Ice. The judges cringed and buzzed him off in under 10 seconds.
“Just stop. That was truly awful,” Simon Cowell said bluntly.
Nigel was crushed, but realized perhaps his friends had been right after all. Singing wasn’t for everyone.
35. Susan was a singing coach on American Idol. She had helped discover and develop some of music’s biggest stars over the years. But now in her later years, Susan was losing her hearing.
At the auditions, when a contestant started singing Susan would stop them and say, “Sorry my ears aren’t what they used to be! Can you face me so I can read your lips while you sing?”
The contestants would turn to face Susan and start over. She would smile, nod along, and give encouragement like “Good job! You have a unique tone!”
The truth was, Susan could barely make out any of the singing. She just hoped none of them were truly awful or Simon would give her an earful for letting them through!
36. Jack’s friends kept telling him he had an amazing singing voice and should audition for The Voice. After months of persuading, Jack finally agreed to sign up for an open call audition.
The day came and Jack headed to the packed audition center. When it was his turn, he walked out on the empty stage and shakily sang a few bars of “You Raise Me Up.” The casting director immediately hit the reject buzzer.
“Sorry kid, you’re just not a strong enough vocalist for this show,” he said.
Jack sighed and nodded, realizing his friends had just been kind when they praised his mediocre voice. He knew deep down he wasn’t cut out to be a big singing star.
37. Amy was a vocal coach on American Idol. During the auditions, she heard all types – from jaw-droppingly amazing to hilariously tone-deaf.
Some of the bad singers got upset when Amy suggested they needed more practice before competing on Idol.
One girl started shouting at Amy defensively, “I’ll have you know, I’m the lead singer in a band! I sell out shows every weekend!”
Amy calmly replied, “Oh wow, that’s great! What type of music do you sing?”
The girl answered, “Screamo death metal.”
Suddenly Amy understood the girl’s unique voice. She said diplomatically, “You definitely have the right, uh, sound for that genre.”
38. Sam was singing at an open mic night when a man came up after his set and introduced himself as a talent agent. “Your voice is amazing! I think you could be a star. Here’s my card, give me a call and we can set up a meeting,” he said.
Sam was ecstatic. The next day he called the agent right away and they arranged to meet at a coffee shop.
When Sam eagerly told the agent he was ready to get started on launching his singing career, the agent replied, “Oh, I’m not actually interested in your singing. I’m casting for the new season of The Bachelor and think you’d be perfect as the next leading man!”
39. Olivia was a vocal coach working with pop star wannabes in Los Angeles. During their first lesson, she would ask new students to sing a short sample so she could evaluate their skill level.
One day, a ditzy blonde girl came in chewing gum and popping it loudly. She kept cracking it obnoxiously while Olivia explained proper technique.
When it was the girl’s turn to sing,
