Milk Puns
- What do you call a cow that tells jokes? A comedy moo-er.
- What do you call milk that isn’t yours? Nacho milk.
- Why was the milk tired when it got home from work? It had a long dairy.
- What do you call a cow that plays guitar? A moosician.
- Why did the cows return to the marijuana field? It was the pot calling the cattle back.
- How do you make holy milk? You pasteurize it.
- What did the baby cow say when it couldn’t find its mother? Where’s my moo-mmy?
- What do you call a cow who works out? Beefcake.
- What do you call a cow in an earthquake? A milkshake.
- Why don’t cows ever have any money? Because farmers milk them dry!
Milk One-Liners
- I made a milkshake using breast milk – it was the breast shake I ever had.
- My friend got hit in the head with a carton of milk – it was a case of blunt force trauma.
- I’m utterly disgusted at the price of milk these days.
- Got milk? Not me, I’m lactose intolerant.
- Does anyone know where I can get some fresh moo juice?
- This milk tastes funny, I think the cow’s a comedian.
- I was going to tell a joke about milk but I decided to curdle my enthusiasm.
- My friend asked to borrow some milk but I had to decline – I don’t lact out for just anyone.
- Did you hear about the cow who was knighted? It was made a member of the butter.
- Milk a cow twice and it’s a boob job.
Best Milk Jokes
21. A cow walked into a bar and ordered a glass of milk. “Sorry,” said the bartender, “we don’t serve milk here.” The cow frowned. “That’s udderly ridiculous!”
22. What do you call a cow that just gave birth? De-calf-inated.
23. Why don’t cows ever laugh at jokes? Because they’ve herd them all before.
24. Where do cows go for entertainment? To the moo-vies.
25. How does a cow do math? With a cow-culator.
26. What do you call a sleeping cow? A bull-dozer.
27. How do you make a milkshake? Give a cow a pogo stick.
28. Why don’t cows have feet? Because they lactose.
29. What do you call a cow who just had a baby? De-calf-inated.
30. How do you stop a charging cow? Take away its credit card.
31. Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don’t work.
32. What do you call a cow that eats your grass? A lawn moo-er.
33. Where do cows go on Friday nights? To the moo-vies.
34. What do you call a cow who works in an office? A cash cow.
35. Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? Because they lactose.
36. What do you get if you cross a cow and an octopus? A calf with eight teats.
37. Did you hear about the stupid cow who demanded free milk? It demanded udder anarchy.
38. Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don’t work.
39. What do you call a cow who’s just given birth? De-calf-inated.
40. What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer!
41. My cow was feeling ill today so I took her to the vet. Turns out she was just milking it!
42. Where do young cows eat lunch? In the calf-eteria!
43. Why don’t cows ever have any money? Because farmers milk them dry!
44. What do you get if you cross a cow with an octopus? A calf with eight teats.
45. How do you stop a charging cow? Take away its credit card.
46. Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don’t work.
47. What do you call a grumpy cow? Mood-y.
48. Why was the cow feeling dejected? It was in a bad moo-d.
49. What do you call a cow that eats your grass? A lawn moo-er.
50. How do cows do math? With cowculators!
51. Why don’t cows ever have any money? Because farmers milk them dry!
52. Where do cows go for entertainment? To the moo-vies!
53. What do you call a cow who works in an office? A cash cow.
54. How does a cow stop a recording? She presses the moo button.
55. Why don’t cows ever laugh at jokes? Because they’ve heard them all before.
56. What do you call a cow in an earthquake? A milkshake!
57. What do you call a cow that plays guitar? A moosician.
58. What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
59. Where do baby cows eat lunch? In the calf-eteria.
60. What do you call a cow who tells jokes? A comedy moo-er.
61. What do you call a cow that knows karate? Beef chop.
62. Why are cows so forgetful? They have a bad memory.
63. How does a cow get to the mall? It goes to the moo-ovies!
64. Why don’t cows have any money? Farmers milk them dry.
65. What did the cow say when it was sad? I’ve got the moo-oood blues.
66. How does a cow stop a recording? She presses the moo button.
67. How do you make a milkshake? Give a cow a pogo stick!
68. Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don’t work!
69. What do you call a cow who’s just given birth? De-calf-inated!
