Dice Puns
1. I tried to make a joke about dominoes, but it didn’t add up. I guess I’ll roll with dice puns instead.
2. My friend bet me $20 I couldn’t come up with 10 dice puns. Joke’s on him, that was an easy money proposition.
3. Did you hear about the angry dice player who started throwing punches? He was charged with a salt and battery.
4. The die hard gambler walked into a bar and yelled “Come on dice, daddy needs a new pair of shoes!”
5. The two dice fell in love and got married. Their wedding was so emotional, even the cake was in tiers.
6. Did you hear about the psychic dice player? They claim to know the roll outcome before throwing.
7. The craps dice landed on snake eyes. The player shed a tear and said “Farewell my cold hard ssssnake.”
8. The die was cast out of its dice gang for being too square. It cried “Et tu brute?”
9. I wanted to tell a probability joke but the odds were against me. So I rolled with a dice pun instead.
10. I was going to make a joke about Rolling Stones, but it turns out dice rock and roll better.
Dice One-Liners
11. I wouldn’t bet on dice jokes unless you have a good sense of humor.
12. They say the odds are always in the casino’s favor, but I’d roll the dice on dice jokes.
13. Go ahead, take a gamble on these dicey jokes. You might just get lucky.
14. What do you call dice that have been thrown out in the cold? Brrrruce Lee!
15. How does a dice player freshen their breath? With mint role!
16. What do you call a dicer who brings down the house? An earthquaker!
17. How do craps dealers stay in shape? By rolling waits.
18. Why was the die sad? It had a hard role in life.
19. How did the two dice meet? They were paired in romance.
20. What do you call a dice player who brings home the bacon? A breadwinner!
Best Dice Jokes
21. A pair of dice walk into a bar and order some drinks. One die says to the other, “I have a feeling we’re going to get thrown around tonight.” The other die laughs and says “You’re so random!”
22. What did the father dice tell his dice son? “Someday you’ll become a real role model.” The die rolled his eyes and said “Dad, your puns make me want to cube myself.”
23. Two dice were bragging about their luck with the ladies. “I may only have one six, but that’s all it takes to score big every night,” said the six-sided die smugly. “Oh please, you’re so one dimensional,” said the twenty-sided die. “With my numerous sides and varied positions, I can last for hours!”
24. A pair of dice walk into a chapel to get married. The minister looks concerned and says “I’m not sure you two have the maturity for marriage. You seem very young, barely even adults.” One die says “Sir, we may be young, but we were both conceived in sin.”
25. Why was the die feeling blue? He thought he was getting squared, but it turns out he was just being multiplied.
26. Why are dice cubes and not spheres? Because spheres are too well-rounded for gambling.
27. How do dice stay cool in summer? They use their pair of dice.
28. Why don’t craps players trust their dice? Because they know those little cubed liars are always up to something.
29. What do you call two dice in love? A pair-a-dice!
30. Why did the die get surgery? To become a D20 and get more sides.
31. How do dice do their taxes? With turbotax! (high number = turbo)
