Magic Puns
1. I wanted to impress everyone with my magic tricks, but I just ended up making a fool of myself. Now I’m the laughing stock.
2. My friend asked me to show him a card trick, but I fumbled the deck and cards went everywhere. I guess I need more practice before I’m ready for my show in Vegas.
3. I saw a magician make a bouquet of flowers disappear, but all I could think was where did those flowers go? Did they wilt away into nothingness? Do they exist in some magical void? I need answers!
4. I tried to preform a magic show entirely with doves. Let’s just say things got messy and I ended up cracking a few eggs instead.
5. I wanted to be a great magician, but I realized all my tricks were just smoke and mirrors.
6. My friend bet me I couldn’t make his car disappear. I told him “Its just an illusion!”
7. I told my son I could make his vegetables disappear. He said “It’s not magic, you just ate them!”
8. I tried to use magic to clean my room. But apparently “Abracadabra” doesn’t actually put clothes away.
9. They say the hand is quicker than the eye. So is that why magicians are so good at sleight of hand tricks?
10. I entered a magic competition but I ended up disappearing in the semi-finals.
11. My kids asked me to do a magic trick, so I made their bedtime disappear.
12. I tried to impress a girl with a magic trick, but I just ended up pulling her hair by accident. She disappeared quickly after that.
Magic One-Liners
13. My magic act was just an illusion. Now my career has vanished!
14. I’m studying to become a magician. I’m hoping one day my career will appear out of thin air.
15. I wanted to be a magician…turns out that takes more than just a magic wand and a top hat.
16. I tried to make money appear in my wallet…apparently real magic takes more practice.
17. My friend bet I couldn’t make his car disappear. That trick cost me $20,000.
18. I tried to do a trick where I guessed someone’s card. I guessed wrong. Three times in a row.
19. I tried to do a magic show for my kid’s birthday. It ended with me pulling scarves out of my sleeve for 20 minutes.
20. I wanted to be the next Houdini…but escaping from handcuffs is harder than it looks.
21. I tried to make flowers magically appear. Instead I just threw pollen everywhere and started sneezing.
22. They say the hand is quicker than the eye…well my hand isn’t that quick because everyone sees how I do my card tricks.
Best Magic Jokes
23. I was watching a magician at a party, when he announced he could make himself disappear. I was impressed until he actually vanished. Now the police are using dogs to try and find him.
24. My cousin wanted to be a great magician, so he tried to make the Statue of Liberty disappear. Now he’s doing 10 years in prison for vandalism.
25. I saw David Copperfield make the Moon disappear once on TV. The very next day I looked up and realized it was gone! No one believes me, but I swear the Moon has been missing for weeks.
26. I was heckling a magician during her show, so she decided to teach me a lesson. The next thing I knew, I was tied up backstage in my underwear. Lesson learned!
27. I went to a magic show and volunteered to be sawed in half. Turns out the magician wasn’t very good – my legs are still missing!
28. When I was a kid I begged my parents for a magic kit. I tried one of the card tricks on grandma, which ended with cards flying everywhere. She still finds random queen of hearts around the house years later.
29. I always wanted to be a great magician. I practiced illusions, card tricks, making things appear and disappear. Then one day I realized I had wasted 40 years of my life.
30. I saw a magic show where the magician claimed he could walk through walls. Everyone gasped when he bumped his head and fell backwards. I guess his trick needs some work.
31. I tried to impress my wife with a magic trick by making her engagement ring disappear. Now I’m sleeping on the couch until I can get it back.
32. When I was younger I wanted to be a famous magician. I practiced tricks for hours every day. Now I’m 85 years old and can guess someone’s card 9 times out of 10!
33. My grandfather loved doing magic. He would make cookies disappear out of your hands. As a kid I thought it was amazing, until I realized he was just really quick at eating them.
34. I performed my first big magic show last night. I made my assistant disappear…because he quit in the middle and walked off stage.
35. I finally achieved my dream of making the national news as a magician. Only catch is, it was for accidentally releasing 100 doves into the audience.
36. I tried to escape from a straitjacket while hanging upside down like Houdini. Let’s just say gravity got the best of me.
37. I loved magic as a kid. I even got a cape and wand to look like Harry Potter. But waving that wand around did not make my chores magically disappear.
38. My kids watched me do a magic trick and said “Dad, we know you hid the ball in your sleeve.” I guess my act needs more practice.
39. I was a magician at kids’ parties, until the day I accidentally pulled a real rabbit out of my hat. The kids loved it, their parents – not so much.
40. I tried to impress my date by making her flower bouquet disappear. Turns out she was allergic to the flowers so she was relieved, but I still didn’t get a second date.
41. When I was younger I dreamed of being a famous Las Vegas magician one day. Instead I’m now an accountant and the only magic I perform is making my money disappear.
42. I wanted to be a magician so I sent away for a magic levitating/flying kit. I got it in the mail and was so excited…until I realized it was just a DVD on special effects.
43. My son begged me to do a magic show at his school. It was going great until I pulled the principal’s toupee off his head, thinking it was just a prop. Now my kid is really embarrassed of me.
44. I tried to impress my friends by making a quarter disappear. After I “magically” pulled it from someone’s ear, he told me it was actually just a bottle cap.
45. I entered a magic competition but got disqualified in the first round for using mirrors and trap doors. I guess I need to work on my showmanship and sleight of hand.
46. I always wanted to be a famous magician ever since I was a kid. I’m now 40, selling insurance 9-5 and practicing card tricks during my lunch break.
47. My son loves pretending to be a magician. Yesterday he made my keys “disappear”…we eventually found them buried in the backyard.
48. I was excited for my big magic show until I realized my white dove had flown away after I let him out for “practice” earlier that day.
49. I tried the trick where you pull a quarter out from behind someone’s ear. My friend said, “That’s not a quarter, that’s my hearing aid!” Awkward…
50. I decided to be a magician and do a disappearing act when I missed my student loan payment due date.
51. I wanted to be a famous magician until I realized how much time Houdini spent handcuffed and underwater.
52. My kid asked me to do a magic trick, so I opened a bag of chips as loudly as possible. The sound made him appear out of nowhere.
53. I tried walking through a wall like magic. It turns out I just needed a door.
