Razor Puns
1. I was going to make a joke about razors, but it was too edgy.
2. That new razor ad campaign really struck a cord with me. Get it? Cord?
3. My friend was bragging about his fancy new razor, but I cut him down to size.
4. I entered my razor in a beauty pageant. It won Miss Shavings USA.
5. The barber offered me a free razor with my haircut, but I declined because I already had my own razor’s edge.
6. I was hoping to win best dressed at the party, but I didn’t make the razor’s edge.
7. I bought an electric razor but had to return it because it just wasn’t sharp enough for me.
8. My razor broke so I tried to fix it with some duct tape, but the repair didn’t cut it.
9. I was going to tell a joke about Gillette razors, but it was too cutting edge.
10. Did you hear about the new line of emotional support razors? They have very sooth-ing blades.
Razor One-Liners
11. My razor is so dull, it couldn’t even cut through fog.
12. I was going to shave, but my razor blades were just too sharp for me.
13. I bought my razor at a garage sale. It was previously owned by Occam.
14. My razor is like my pet cat – aloof, temperamental, and liable to draw blood on a whim.
15. They say the razor you shave with reveals a lot about your personality. Mine says I’m prone to self-harm.
16. I swear my razor blades are in a toxic relationship with my face.
17. I’m convinced my razor hates facial hair even more than I do.
18. I think my razor is passive aggressive. It said it didn’t want to talk about it.
19. I caught my razor using my toothbrush. That’s crossing the line if you ask me.
20. I can’t figure out my razor’s favorite hockey team. Every time I ask, it just deflects.
Best Razor Jokes
21. I bought my husband a new razor for his birthday. Later he told me it was the first time I got him something sharp that didn’t sever an artery.
22. My wife asked me to pick up new razors while I was out. I came home with an electric razor. She wasn’t thrilled – she meant Gillette razors. Now she’s even more irritated.
23. I saw a guy at the store testing out the demo razors. After 10 minutes of stropping and shaving invisible beards, I had to ask him to split.
24. My buddy Keith decided to save money by shaving with a rusty razor. Let’s just say his tetanus shot cost a lot more than replacement blades.
25. I went to steal some razors from the drugstore but accidentally grabbed a pack of crayons instead. I guess you could say I didn’t have the sharpest tool in the shed.
26. Did you hear about the new razor with five blades? It’s perfect for those who want to remove all traces of stubble without regard for human life.
27. I used to use artisanal hand-forged straight razors. But then I realized my face isn’t pretentious enough for that nonsense.
28. My razor and I have a complicated relationship. I want a close shave, it wants blood. We manage to compromise.
29. I bought a used straight razor at a yard sale. Got a killer deal but had to get a tetanus shot after using it. Lesson learned.
30. I tried to give my razor a pep talk before shaving: “Come on, we can do this!” Sadly motivation doesn’t sharpen dull blades.
31. Razors don’t kill people, people kill people. But razors make it a whole lot easier.
32. I was nervous about my first shave, but Dad said not to worry because razors can sense fear. That didn’t help.
33. My barber recommended an “old fashioned” straight razor shave. Turns out that just meant using rusty equipment and no sterilization.
34. I bought a 100 pack of razors online because it was cheap. After the first shave I realized why – they were duller than a butter knife.
35. My buddy pranked me by replacing my razor blades with Lego heads. Let’s just say it was a very bumpy shave after that.
36. I cut myself shaving and tried to stop the bleeding with a tourniquet. Turns out proper razor care is easier than improvised surgery.
37. Don’t use rusty razors to groom your eyebrows. I learned that lesson after a lengthy stay in the ER and several stitches.
38. I bought my nephew a razor for his 13th birthday. My sister said I was insensitive for implying he had enough facial hair to shave. Oops.
39. I tried to get my cat to use a razor and shave his fur. He refused, insisting fur was trendy this season. Darn hipster cat.
40. Razors don’t actually cut your hair, they just beat the follicles into submission so the hair gets scared and retreats back into the skin.
41. I bought a straight razor because I thought it would give me a sophisticated old-timey shave. I was wrong, it just gave me old-timey tetanus.
42. I complained to the manager that their razors were so dull they couldn’t cut warm butter. He offered me a job in quality control.
Razor Puns
43. Don’t bother getting an expensive artisanal straight razor. The bacteria on your face can’t tell the difference between hand forged and mass produced.
44. I was shaving with a new razor and accidentally gave myself a goatee. My wife was not a fan.
45. I bought a “razor” online but when it arrived it was just a USB stick. Talk about a shaving scam!
46. My electric razor broke so I tried to fix it myself. Let’s just say some things are better left to professionals.
47. I saw a little kid pretending to shave with his dad’s razor. Parenting tip: maybe keep sharp objects away from toddlers.
48. I thought about selling my vintage straight razor collection on eBay, but then realized blood borne illnesses aren’t great for business.
49. I bought a fancy new straight razor but didn’t realize it needed frequent sharpening. Let’s just say my face paid the price for my ignorance.
50. Don’t run with razors, don’t run from razors, don’t let razors run your life. Just be cool and treat razors with respect.
51. I asked my razor how its day was going. It said it was feeling a bit edgy.