Surgery Puns
1. I asked my surgeon to give me a nose job, but he must have misheard me because he gave me a knows job instead!
2. My friend just had heart surgery. Now he’s feeling a lot better and says he has more heart than ever before!
3. I was feeling a little under the weather, so my doctor prescribed me an antacid. But apparently he misunderstood me, because instead I got an aunt acid.
4. I went in for plastic surgery on my nose, but there were some complications. Now I have even more trouble getting my nose out of other people’s business.
5. Did you hear about the new supermarket called Surgery? All the prices are slashed!
6. I asked the surgeon if I could administer my own anesthesia. But he replied, “No gas, no go!”
7. My friend had his funny bone removed during elbow surgery. Now nothing seems humerus to him anymore.
8. I wanted to get laser eye surgery done, but I was worried it might leave me feeling cornea.
9. Did you hear about the surgeon who stitched his patient back up with a banana peel? It was an a-peeling operation!
10. I went in for a nose job and woke up with two extra arms. Talk about a botched surgery!
11. My dentist said I needed my wisdom teeth extracted immediately. But it turned out he was just trying to pull my leg.
12. I asked the plastic surgeon if bigger breasts would make me more attractive. He said it’s a boob job, not a miracle worker!
Surgery One-Liners
13. My surgery was a piece of cake, but the bakery bill wasn’t.
14. Becoming a surgeon is a cut above the rest.
15. Surgery is a stitch in time that saves nine.
16. A bad surgeon is a cut below the rest.
17. Surgery requires a lot of patients.
18. Plastic surgery left me feeling like a new person.
19. Anesthesia sure did put me under during surgery.
20. Surgeons always like to get straight to the point.
21. Becoming a surgeon takes a lot of guts.
22. Surgery can cost you an arm and a leg.
Best Surgery Jokes
23. I went in for a vasectomy but there was a mix up with the anesthesiologist and I ended up getting a vas-you-want-me instead!
24. Did you hear about the surgeon who got sued for malpractice? He made one cut too many.
25. What did the surgeon say to the patient who insisted on closing up his own incision? Suture self!
26. My friend had to get his entire bowel removed during intestinal surgery. But don’t worry, he’s feeling much better without it. Now nothing gets on his nerves anymore!
27. I wanted to be a surgeon, but I just didn’t have the patients.
28. Did you hear about the surgeon who stitched up his patient with a tortilla? The operation was a wrap!
29. Why did the surgeon refuse to operate on the failing heart patient? Because it was a bypass!
30. How does a surgeon get to work in the morning? Through an in-cision!
31. Did you hear about the surgeon who got arrested? He was caught operating without a medical license!
32. What’s the difference between a general surgeon and a plumber? A general surgeon can fix a sink too!
33. Did you hear about the surgeon who lost his watch during a procedure? He ended up sowing his wild oats trying to find it!
34. Why did the surgeon refuse to operate on the obese man? Because the stakes were too high!
35. What do you call a group of people waiting for surgery? A patient cue!
36. Did you hear about the surgeon who mistakenly removed his patient’s skull instead of the tumor? It was a mind boggling mistake!
37. Why do surgeons get to work so early in the morning? They like to opperate!
38. Did you hear about the surgeon who sewed her initials into a patient? She was just trying to leave her mark!
39. What did the surgeon say to the heavy metal singer? It’s time to operate!
40. Did you hear about the surgeon who lost his arm in an accident? Now he’s all right!
41. Why did the surgeon eat cereal before every operation? Because breakfast is the most important meal of the daisy!
42. Did you hear about the surgeon who was arrested for stealing anesthetics? The cops charged him with taking drugs!
43. Why can’t you tell a joke to a surgeon during surgery? Because they have a very literal sense of humor!
44. What’s a surgeon’s favorite type of triangle? An isosceles!
45. Did you hear about the surgeon who operated on the wrong leg? Now the patient’s all left!
46. Why did the surgeon refuse to operate on the failing heart patient? Because it was a bypass!
47. What’s a surgeon’s favorite candy? A butterfingers! Because they’re always dropping stuff!
48. Why are surgeons so calm all the time? Because they’re always in their happy place!
49. What’s a surgeon’s favorite flower? A hepataconitum because it’s also called liverwort!
50. Why do surgeons hate mornings? Because they’re crack of dawn!
51. Did you hear about the surgeon who got caught accepting bribes? He was offering quid pro quo!
52. What do you call two surgeons fighting over a patient? A pair of medics!
53. Why do surgeons make the best spouses? Because they know how to operate!
54. What did the surgeon say to the patient who wanted to close up his own incision? Suture self!
55. What do you call a sad surgeon? Blue Scrubs!
56. Why are surgeons bad at poker? Because their faces never change even when they have a good hand!
57. Did you hear about the surgeon who lost his watch during a colonoscopy? He was really up crap creek without a paddle trying to find it!
58. What do you call a surgeon with eight arms? A doctopus!
59. What’s a surgeon’s favorite candy? Snicks! Because it really satisfies!
60. Why do surgeons make the worst hotel guests? Because they’re always on call!
