Hat Puns
- I was feeling down so I bought a new hat. You could say it lifted my spirits.
- The haberdashery is having a sale on caps. You can get them for half off.
- My friend accidentally sat on my favorite hat and crushed it. I guess you could say he took it hard.
- I entered my homemade hat in the county fair competition. But it didn’t win first prize, it came in hat second.
- I was feeling cold so I put on a woolly hat. It warmed me up toque-ly.
- The magician pulled a rabbit out of his hat. I guess you could say he was wearing more than one hat for his act.
- I was running late for a party so I quickly grabbed a hat. It was my last resort.
- I wanted to impress my date, so I wore my flashiest hat. But she didn’t seem too cap-tivated.
- My friend got arrested for stealing hats. He’s in a heap of trouble.
- The factory had to let some workers go due to the recession. I guess you could say they got the sack hat.
Hat One-Liners
- I was feeling lonely until I put on my friendship cap.
- This dunce cap really speaks volumes about my intelligence.
- Let me check my thinking cap on this one.
- I’m no hatter, but that sure is an ugly hat!
- Add a propeller and this beanie can get me to work in no time.
- I wouldn’t be caught dead in that ridiculous hat.
- This hat keeps the sun out of my eyes and the shame off my head.
- They laughed when I bought this oversized hat, but I knew it would come back in fashion.
- I may look silly wearing this propeller hat, but at least it keeps me cool.
- I’m no cowboy, but this Stetson sure makes me feel like one.
Best Hat Jokes
- My friend is completely obsessed with hats. She has them in every shape, size, and color you can imagine. She wears a different hat every single day. I asked her why she loved hats so much. She said, “I don’t know…I guess I’m just mad about hats!”
- Did you hear about the haberdasher who was arrested? The police charged him with hat crimes! Apparently he was involved in an illegal bowler hat ring.
- I went to a party and someone had stolen all the hats. It was a case of Who Stole the Hats. Luckily, there was a detective at the party too. He immediately started interrogating the guests. He accused Professor Plum first, believing it was a professor who protected their identity. Then Colonel Mustard because an army man would know how to sneak around undetected. And finally, Mrs. Peacock because her feathers could provide camouflage. After gathering some more clues, the detective revealed the thief was….Mr. Green! He was quite green with envy over the party host’s hat collection. Mystery solved!
- Yesterday I decided to cheer myself up with a new hat. I searched online for the most ridiculous, over-the-top hat I could find. I settled on a giant sombrero that could probably shade a small village in Mexico. I gleefully placed my order and awaited its arrival. When the postman delivered it today, he barely managed to fit it through my door! I excitedly plopped the sombrero onto my head and pranced around my house. My spirits definitely felt lifted! That is, until I tried to walk out the front door. Despite tilting my head every which way, there was just no navigating my new hat through the door frame. I guess that’s the last time I order a hat without trying it on first!
- Why was the straw hat feeling down? Because it was going through a rough patch!
- Yesterday my friend and I went on a hike. The forecast said it would be sunny, so I wore my favorite straw hat to keep the rays off my face. Well, not long into our hike, dark clouds suddenly rolled in and it started pouring! My poor straw hat was instantly soaked as the rain soaked right through the weave. To make matters worse, the rain caused the hat to lose its shape and sag down over my eyes. I could barely see where I was going! My friend tried to help by tying the hat strings tighter under my chin. But that just made the brim bend upwards and dump more water directly onto my head! We had to cut our hike short as I sloshed along completely drenched. So much for staying dry under my trusty straw hat!
- Why was the baseball cap smiling? Because it had a great bill!
- I was running late for work when suddenly my car wouldn’t start. After frantically trying to get it going, I had no choice but to walk. The hot sun was beating down and I didn’t have a hat or sunscreen. By the time I got to work, my face was as red as a lobster! My boss took one look at me and said, “Did you forget your thinking cap this morning?” Embarrassed, I told him what happened. Then he handed me his baseball cap and said I better wear this for the rest of the day. I guess it pays to have a boss who’s always willing to use his thinking cap…and loan me his baseball cap when needed!
- Yesterday my friend invited me to a fancy garden party. I wanted to wear an elegant hat to match my floral dress. So I borrowed an ornate wide-brimmed hat with silk flowers from my grandmother’s closet. Well, the hat may have been fancy decades ago, but now it was just outdated. When I showed up at the party, the other guests politely tried to stifle their laughter. Feeling self-conscious, I tried camouflaging behind some tall topiaries. But my huge hat kept getting stuck in the branches, attracting even more awkward stares. Next time I get invited to a fancy event, I really need to rethink raiding grandma’s hat closet!
- What did the beanie say to the scarf? I’ll keep you covered!
- Yesterday my sister and I went skiing together for the first time. We were both new to the slopes, so we took a lesson before heading up the mountain. “Make sure you wear a close-fitting beanie,” the instructor told us. “It will keep your head nice and warm.” Well, my sister must have misunderstood his advice. When we met up to ski, she was wearing an oversized, saggy beanie pulled down over her eyes. “I can barely see!” she complained as we snowplowed slowly down the bunny hill. Meanwhile, the icy wind was whistling through her ill-fitting hat. By the end of the day, her ears were nearly frostbitten. I gave her my tight beanie to wear on the drive home while I cranked up the heat to thaw her out. Moral of the story: wear a snug hat when skiing, or you’re gonna have a bad time!
- Why did the baby keep taking his hat off? He was trying to get a head!
- I was babysitting my friend’s one-year-old today. She kept grabbing her hat and throwing it off her head over and over. I kept patiently putting it back on, saying “Silly baby! Please keep your hat on!” After the tenth time, I inspected the hat more closely. Turns out someone had accidentally pinned it directly onto her hair! No wonder the poor thing wanted it off. I gently unpinned the hat from her tiny head, smoothed her ruffled hair, and put the hat on properly. She gave me a big toothless grin, happy to finally be hat-hair free! We played happily after that with no more hat-throwing tantrums. Just goes to show, always double check baby’s hat for stray pins!
- What did the cowboy hat say to the coat rack? Hang on, I’ll getcha covered!
- My friend invited me to a fancy cowboy-themed party next week. Everyone has to wear Western gear. I don’t own any cowboy hats or boots, so I need to go shopping ASAP. I found a thrift store with a whole Wild West section. I tried on a few stetsons, but they were either too small or too large for my head. I finally found a nice black one that fit just right. Next I picked out some cowboy boots with ornate stitching on them. Then I spotted the coat rack near the changing rooms. I plopped my new hat on one of the hooks and said, “Hang on to this for me, will ya? I don’t want to crush it while I try on these boots.” When I finished changing, I went to retrieve my hat. I grinned as I put it back on and said, “Thanks for getting me covered, partner!” The coat rack didn’t say much, but I could tell we were going to be the best of pals!
- Why was the beret sad? Because it felt capped off from the world!
- My friend just got back from a trip to Paris. She picked up a cute black beret as a souvenir. When she put it on and posed for a selfie, I noticed she had a deep frown on her face. “What’s wrong?” I asked. “Oh, nothing… I just feel a little down today,” she said sadly. She stared at her reflection morosely. Then it hit me – her new beret was pulled down too far on one side, covering her eye completely. She couldn’t even see me standing there! I gently adjusted the hat and said, “There, now you look tres chic! No more feeling capped off from the world.” She broke into a smile and laughed. “Thanks! I can see clearly now!” Turns out her trendy new hat was making her feel literally and figuratively gloomy. But a quick adjustment did the trick to lift her spirits.
- Why was the top hat cracking up? Because it was in stitches!
- I’m a seamstress trying to start my own hat making business. Today I attempted to sew a classic black silk top hat for a customer. But it turned into a complete disaster. My stitching was totally crooked and I accidentally sewed part of the brim to the crown! The more I tried to fix it, the worse it got. Finally I threw my hands up in despair at the misshapen mess. Just then, my cat came sauntering into my workshop. When she spotted my failed hat, she playfully batted it between her paws. I had to laugh at that ridiculous hat bouncing across the floor. “You’re right,” I chuckled. “No point crying over a botched hat… I just have to try again!” My cat’s silly antics helped me realize it’s okay to make mistakes. Thanks to her, I’ll get back to the sewing table with a smile, even if my work sometimes leaves me in stitches!
- What kind of hat does a house wear? A roof hat!
- I’m thinking of dressing up my house for Halloween this year! Carving jack o’ lanterns for the porch is just too expected. I want to do something really unique to give the neighborhood kids a giggle. What better than a costume for the house itself? I figured I could decorate the roof to look like a witch’s hat, complete with a big buckle and some rips and patches. Then I’ll splatter some red paint drips near the front door to resemble blood dripping from the brim. I’ll top it off with an oversized broom parked next to the chimney. Who knew houses could wear costumes too? My house is going to be the talk of the town in its hilarious pointy roof hat disguise this Halloween! The kids are going to get a big kick out of it, I just know.
- Did you hear about the prisoner who kept trying to make hats out of the sheets? The guards had to keep tabs on him!
- My friend Jack spent some time in jail for petty theft. Being an anxious guy, he had to keep his hands busy to stay calm. Without any other resources around, Jack started experimenting with folding his bedsheets into various shapes. The guards were baffled when he walked around proudly wearing sheet hats of different styles each day. Berets, baseball caps, beanies – you name it, he crafted it! “All right, Jack, enough horsing around,” the warden finally said. “You’re going to stretch out all the sheets.” So the guards kept a close watch on him, scolding him whenever he got crafty with the linens. “Keep those tabs where we can see ’em!” Jack sighed. If only he had some yarn and craft supplies, he wouldn’t have to resort to sheet hats to keep his hands occupied! Poor Jack… a milliner stuck in the slammer.
- Why was the painter’s hat so messy? Because he didn’t cap off the paint!
- I did some painting around the house today and ended up with specks of paint all over my old baseball cap. As I was cleaning my brushes, I noticed the cap sitting on the table with fresh splotches of blue and yellow paint. “Shoot, I forgot to cap off the paint!” I said, picking up the stained hat. I must’ve set it down too close to my work area. I tried scrubbing out the paint drips to no avail. They had already dried and left blotchy spots everywhere. Unfortunately, once paint stains a cap, it’s pretty much game over. I glumly tossed my decorated hat in the trash. Next time I’ll be sure to keep paint-free hats far away while I’m working. Otherwise I’ll end up with a messy masterpiece suitable only for the garbage!
- Why was the top hat laughing at the birthday cake? Because it was cracking up!
- Yesterday was my best friend’s birthday party. I showed up wearing my most dapper top hat in honor of the occasion. My friend had on a colorful party hat and was just about to blow out the candles on his cake. As he took a deep breath, his hat slipped down right onto the frosting! A huge glob of blue icing and sprinkles was now stuck to the elastic strap. Everyone at the table erupted in laughter, myself included. My top hat was practically giggling at the hilarious sight! I helped wipe the frosting off my buddy’s face as he joined in chuckling at his spoiled hat. Luckily the candles hadn’t been blown out yet, so we relit them and tried again – hats off this time! Leave it to my best friend to literally crack everyone up on his big day. That image of his hat covered in icing will have us all cracking up for years to come!
- Why did the baseball cap get benched during the game? It kept striking out!
- My son’s Little League coach has a strict rule that players who don’t listen have to sit on the bench for an inning. During today’s game, my son kept adjusting his baseball cap against the coach’s orders. After the third time, the coach pointed to the bench. “Cap, you’re sitting this inning out.” My son shamefacedly took off his hat and sat it next to him. From the bleachers, I could see the cap’s bill drooping sadly. “Chin up, cap,” I whispered encouragingly. Sure enough, the cap perked up and cheered on my son loudly with me. At the end of the inning, my son put the cap back on with a smile. “You took that benching like a champ,” I told it afterward. By working together as a team, my son and his cap got their confidence back. Looks like that benching helped turn their game around!