Haunted House Puns
1. What do ghosts serve their guests at dinner parties? Boos fetts!
2. Why are ghosts horrible at telling lies? Because you can see right boo-through them!
3. Why did the ghost go into real estate? He was looking for some scare property!
4. Why don’t skeletons ever get mad? Because nothing gets under their skin!
5. What do you call a haunted chicken? A poultry-geist.
6. Why do ghosts love elevators? It lifts their spirits!
7. What do you call a ghost in the wintertime? A mistle-boo!
8. What do you give a ghost with a sore throat? Coffin drops!
9. Why are ghosts bad at lying? Because you can see right through their boos!
10. Why didn’t the ghost go boo? Because it had no guts!
11. What do you call a ghost in the summer? A hot spirit!
12. What’s a ghost’s favorite fruit? Booberries!
Haunted House One-Liners
13. I ain’t afraid of no ghosts… until the night comes and I’m home alone!
14. The haunted house was so scary it made my hair turn white – and I was bald before!
15. I thought the haunted house would be cheesy but it ended up being pretty gouda.
16. The haunted house was like a bad date – it tried too hard and I never wanted to see it again.
17. I was going to spend the night in a haunted house but the spirits were not willing.
18. I invited a ghost over for dinner but it went right through him.
19. Working at the haunted house has its ups and downs – sometimes things get out of hand!
20. I ain’t afraid of no ghost, unless it’s the ghost of high prices at the concession stand!
21. The haunted house wasn’t that scary…until I saw the concession stand menu!
22. I was going to tell you a joke about a haunted house but you would have seen right through it.
Best Haunted House Jokes
23. A family decided to spend the night in a haunted house. The dad was messing with his son, making scary noises to tease him. But the son had a plan to get back at his dad. So in the middle of the night, when everything was quiet, the son made an eerie moan. “That was very fake,” said the dad. To which the son replied, “I know. The real one is right behind you!”
24. Jake reluctantly agreed to go with his friends to explore a haunted house on the edge of town. As soon as they stepped inside, a ghost jumped out at them shouting “Boo!” causing Jake’s friends to scream and run out. Jake just stared at the ghost for a minute, then shrugged and walked deeper into the house. The ghost floated after him protesting “But…I BOO’d you!” Jake didn’t even look back as he replied “Meh, I’ve been boo’d before.”
25. Claire hated Halloween but all her friends were going to a haunted corn maze so she reluctantly agreed to go too. They trudged through the dark maze for what seemed like hours, jumping at every scarecrow that popped out. Finally, Claire had enough and turned to storm out. But she walked straight into a doorway and smacked her head hard against the wooden frame. Her friends looked at her crumpled on the ground and said “Geez Claire, they really got you good!” Claire just groaned and replied “No…I found the exit.”
26. Sam begged his parents to let him spend the night with his friend Kevin whose house everyone said was haunted. That night, Sam laid nervously in the guest bed, listening for ghosts. Just as he was about to fall asleep, he heard faint creaking footsteps coming up the stairs. The doorknob rattled as whatever was on the other side tried to get in. Sam hid under the covers, shaking. As the door creaked open, he heard “Wooooo, I’m the ghost of this house!” Sam threw back the covers yelling “Kevin, stop trying to scare me. I know it’s you!” There was a pause before he heard Kevin reply “But I’m down here, dude.”
27. Carol volunteered at a haunted house attraction to help raise money for her school. She dressed up as a demented dental assistant and waited in the creepy dental office set for people to come through on the tour. A group of young boys entered the room and Carol popped out yelling “Come get your cavity filled!” The boys laughed hysterically at Carol’s silly scare. Carol was about to leave the room when one boy walked back in. “Excuse me,” he said politely. “Could I make an appointment for a teeth cleaning? You’re not nearly as scary as my real dentist.”
28. Mark’s friends dared him to knock on the door of the creepy old house on the edge of town. Legend said a ghost haunted the house, ever since the owner mysteriously passed away years ago. Mark didn’t believe the stories but he didn’t want his friends calling him a coward either. So late one night, Mark snuck up to the house and banged loudly on the door, then sprinted into the bushes. A few minutes later, an upstairs light switched on and Mark heard the door creak open. He held his breath, heart racing. Then a raspy voice called out “Kids, I left candy on the porch. Help yourself…but please stop ringing my doorbell so late!”
29. When Karen and her friends spent the night in an abandoned mansion, everyone tried to scare each other. After hearing noises upstairs, Karen’s friend Jason grabbed an old lampshade and stuck it on his head, trying to pretend to be a ghost. But as he stumbled around in the dark, Jason tripped and fell down the stairs right at Karen’s feet. Karen just looked down unimpressed and said “Nice try Jason but I don’t think ghosts say ouch.”
30. Tom was dared by his friends to spend Halloween night in the old graveyard on the edge of town. Armed with only a flashlight, Tom reluctantly agreed. At midnight, a thick fog rolled in around the graves. Heart pounding, Tom turned when he heard a rattling noise behind him. Suddenly a dark figure emerged from the fog, arms outstretched and moaning. As it got closer, Tom nervously stammered “Oh, h-hello Mr…Mr. Ghost, uh, nice night for haunting!” The figure stopped and replied “Actually it’s Officer Smith on patrol but that’s some top notch acting kid.”
31. Timmy begged his parents to take him to the new Mega Haunted House that featured live actors and amazing special effects. But after going through just three rooms of creepy clowns and zombie creatures, nine-year-old Timmy had enough and asked to leave. His parents were surprised but took him right home. That night, after tucking Timmy into bed, Timmy’s mom asked him why he wanted to leave so soon. Timmy looked up and replied “I realized if the haunted house really wanted to scare me, they should have just cleaned my room.”
32. Serena’s husband Jim loved Halloween pranks. One year, Jim transformed their house into a scary haunted mansion, complete with creepy music, flickering lights, and jumping spiders. When Serena came home and walked in the front door, a bloody ghost popped out of the staircase screaming. Serena just rolled her eyes and deadpanned “Nice try Jim, but I’ve seen your dirty laundry…it will take more than that to scare me.”
33. Little Tommy begged his parents to let him go through the haunted funhouse at the state fair. They reluctantly agreed but told Tommy he would have to stick close to them. As soon as they entered, a werewolf in a cage started howling. Tommy grabbed his dad’s hand and whispered “Dad, get us out of here right now or I’m going to tell Mom you let me watch that scary movie last night.” Dad didn’t need any further convincing. He scooped up Tommy and headed straight for the exit.
34. Mark volunteered at a haunted house working as a chained up zombie. He had to lay very still in an open coffin with fake blood covering his tattered clothes. One night, a terrified woman peered down at him and became hysterical, convinced the zombie was real. As staff came to calm her down, Mark sat up saying “I assure you I’m just an actor ma’am.” But the woman screamed even louder and fell backwards into a pile of skeletons. After that, Mark decided maybe this job wasn’t cut out for him.
35. When Jimmy and his brother Kevin entered the haunted mirror maze, Jimmy made sure to stick close behind his older brother. The maze was dark and scary with unexpected dead-ends and spooky shadows. As they turned a corner, Jimmy bumped right into a tall shape and screamed. But it was just Kevin standing there cracking up. “Gotcha!” he said. Jimmy shoved him and replied “I wasn’t scared, I was just trying to figure out which of us is the reflection!”
36. For Halloween one year, Dad turned the basement into a haunted dungeon with creepy lighting, fake spiders, and spooky sound effects. When Mom came downstairs and walked through, she pretended to be scared for Dad’s benefit. But after the third time he jumped out yelling “Boo!” Mom had enough. She turned to Dad and said “You know what’s really scary? The property tax bill that came today!”
37. Mark absolutely hated when his brother Dan scared him constantly at home. One Halloween night, Dan jumped out of the shadows by the front door in a gruesome mask, causing Mark to spill his snacks everywhere. “Yes! I got you so good!” Dan said. Mark just glared back and replied “Keep it up Dan, if I land in therapy you can pay for it with your candy money!”
38. Jane begged her parents to let her attend the big Halloween bash across town even though no adults would be there. Reluctantly they agreed but said Jane needed to text them every hour. At 11pm they hadn’t heard from her and began to worry. Just then the phone dinged with a text saying “Sorry, phone died! Party is fun but nothing scary here.” Jane’s parents were relieved until the next message read “Oops sorry, that was for my other parents.”
39. Lily’s gutsy friends dared her to go inside the old abandoned hospital on the edge of town that everyone said was haunted. She reluctantly agreed but needed proof she actually went in. So Lily snuck over one night and used an app on her phone to make a video of her walking around inside yelling “See? No ghosts here!” Satisfied with the video, Lily proudly showed her friends the next day. But when they watched the playback, they heard faint whispering and shuffling noises in the background. Lily never agreed to visit the hospital again after that.
40. Patrick loved scaring his sister Stacy every Halloween by rigging up their basement with spooky effects before their party. One year, he really outdid himself decorating everything with cobwebs, zombies, creepy sounds, and flickering lights. When Stacy came downstairs, Patrick jumped out yelling “Boo!” expecting her to freak out. But Stacy just smiled and said “Wow Patrick this looks amazing! You’ve got a real gift.” Patrick just stood there shocked then said “Man, you’re getting way too hard to scare now.”
More Haunted House Jokes
41. I went to a haunted house that was just a normal house. Now that’s scary!
42. Working at the haunted house has its ups and downs. For example, sometimes things get out of hand.
43. I tried turning my house into a haunted house but I didn’t have the spirit for it.
44. Why don’t mummies go on summer vacation? They’re afraid to relax and unwind!
45. What do ghosts add to their morning coffee? Scream and sugar!
46. Why don’t ogres and trolls live together? Because they can’t see eye to eye!
47. Where does a ghost go on vacation? Mali-boo!
48. Did you hear about the zombie who went on a diet? He lost his ghoul-ish figure!
49. What do you call a haunted chicken? A poultry-geist!
50. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts!
51. What do ghosts like to eat in summer? I-scream!
52. Why did the ghost go to art class? So he could learn how to draw ectoplasm!
53. What kind of makeup do ghosts wear? Mas-scare-a!
54. Why don’t angry ghosts haunt humans anymore? They decided to get a life!
55. Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road? He had no guts!
56. Why don’t ghosts have jobs? Because they work for free boo!
57. What do you get if you cross a vampire and a snowman? Frostbite!
58. Why did the ghost go on a diet? He wanted to keep his ghoulish figure!
59. What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog? He is mist!
60. What’s a ghosts favorite dessert? Ice Scream!
61. Why do ghosts like riding in elevators? It lifts their spirits!
62. What do you call a drunken ghost? A methylated spirit!
63. Why do ghosts love Halloween? It’s their time to shine!
64. Where does the ghost of the Pacific Ocean live? In the boo-cific!
65. Why don’t ghosts haunt breweries? They don’t like the boos!
