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50 Hilarious Switzerland Jokes

50 Hilarious Switzerland Jokes

Switzerland Puns (12)

1. Why does Switzerland have square-shaped borders? They wanted everything to be neat and tidy.

2. Why are Swiss cows the happiest? They live in the Alps!

3. Did you hear about the new Swiss cheese with herbs? It has HolEs in One.

4. Why do the Swiss make the best accountants? They know how to manage finances.

5. Why are Swiss streets so clean? The flag is a big plus!

6. How do you make a Swiss roll? Push him down a mountain.

7. Why are Swiss cows anti-social? They prefer to keep to their own Alp.

8. Why did the Swiss man get kicked out of the library? He was fondue of speaking loudly.

9. Why are Swiss weddings so beautiful? They have the perfect alpine backdrop.

10. Why do Swiss cheese have holes? For ventilation when hiking in the Alps.

11. Why was the Swiss clock maker fired? He had too many ticks.

12. Why do the Swiss make good gardeners? They know how to plant flowers in the Alps.

Switzerland One-Liners (10)

13. Switzerland is where you’ll find the most neutral ground in the world.

14. In Switzerland, even the cheese and chocolate are neutral.

15. The Swiss keep the peace by staying armed to the teeth.

16. Switzerland: where you can always find a good Swiss Army Knife.

17. Switzerland, for when you want to hide all your money and still feel virtuous about it.

18. Add chocolate, cheese and mountains – what do you get? Switzerland!

19. Switzerland: Where even the cows speak four languages.

20. If it’s neutral, efficient and discreet – it must be Swiss.

21. The Swiss flag is a big plus.

22. In Switzerland, even the chocolate and cheese are neutral.

Best Switzerland Jokes (28)

23. An Englishman, a Frenchman and a Swiss man are hiking through the Alps. They come across some tracks in the snow and start arguing about what animal made them.

“They must have been made by a hare,” says the Englishman.

“Non, a deer,” argues the Frenchman.

The Swiss man studies the tracks carefully and says, “They could have been made by a hare or a deer. I’m neutral on this one.”

24. An American tourist goes on a hiking trip in the Swiss Alps. After a long day of walking he arrives at a quaint little Swiss village and decides to stop for the night. He goes to the only hotel in town and asks for a room.

“I’m sorry,” says the manager, “but all our rooms are full.”

“What am I supposed to do then?” asks the American.

“Well, you could always spend the night in the barn with the cows. It’s not luxurious but we have plenty of hay for bedding.”

Too exhausted to look elsewhere, the American agrees. The next morning he wakes up and goes to the hotel reception desk. “How much do I owe you for spending the night in the barn?” he asks.

“Oh nothing at all,” says the manager. “In Switzerland, the cows sleep for free.”

25. Why does the Swiss Navy have bar codes on the sides of their ships? So they can Scandinavian.

26. A Swiss man, a French man and a British man are watching the Olympics.

The French man says “Our food is the best”.

The British man says “Our army is the strongest”.

The Swiss man says “Yes, but our flag is a big plus”.

27. Why do Swiss cows wear bells? Because their horns don’t work.

28. Why are the Swiss so neutral? They don’t want to get involved in anything gouda or bad.

29. Why did Switzerland outlaw boiling lobsters? It was deemed cruel and unusual punishment.

30. Why does Switzerland have so many bankers and money lenders? The flag is a big plus!

31. Why are Swiss cows anti-social? Because they like to keep to their own Alp.

32. What kind of cheese do the Swiss use to disguise themselves? Camouflage.

33. Why did Switzerland’s army make the best coffee? They have great grounds.

34. What do you call a cow from Switzerland? Swiss steak!

35. Why does Switzerland have such clean streets? The flag is a big plus.

36. How did the Swiss farmer find his lost cow? He just went to where he last spotted her.

37. Why did the Swiss man get kicked out of the library? He was fondue of speaking loudly.

38. Why are Swiss holes square? So they can fit the cheese.

39. What do you call cheese that doesn’t belong to you? Nacho cheese.

40. Why do the Swiss make great diplomats? They are always neutral.

41. Why did Switzerland ban boiling lobsters alive? Because it was deemed cruel and unusual punishment.

42. Why do the Swiss never win any wars? Because they are neutral!

43. Why did the Swiss cow cross the road? To get to the udder side.

44. Why are Swiss weddings so beautiful? They always have the perfect Alpine backdrop.

45. Why does Switzerland have no famous composers? Because all the notes have already been used!

46. What do you call someone who loves Swiss cheese? A fon-dudler!

47. Why do Swiss supermarkets have mechanical cows outside? It’s where they get their Swiss steaks from!

48. How do you sink a Swiss ship? Put it in water.

49. Why are Swiss streets so clean? Because the flag is a big plus!

50. What do you call a sleepy Swiss Guard? A dozing dutchie!