Smell Puns (15)
- What do you call a magazine about odors? A scent-sational read!
- Why did the skunk get fired from the perfume factory? He stank at his job.
- What do you call a smelly monster? A pungent creature.
- Why did the man with no nose struggle to eat? He lacked the scent-sory ability to taste food properly.
- My friend decided to make cologne with hints of dirt and sweat. I told him it was a terrible idea and would stench up the whole store.
- I entered my scented candle in a contest. It was a niche category but I thought it might have a shot at winning first odor.
- The zookeeper quit her job because she couldn’t stand the giraffe’s smelly breath. It was the last draw for her.
- I told my daughter that if she didn’t take a bath, no one would want to be her friend. She said, “Fine, I guess I’ll just have to deal with the conse-quench-es.”
- I bought a new car air freshener but it barely masks any odors. It’s just for scent.
- Working at the garlic bread factory has its ups and downs. On one hand, the pay stinks. But on the other, the work scent-sational.
- My friend got kicked out of the perfume shop for letting out a loud fart. Apparently it was an odor-nary offense.
- I entered a smelly sneaker contest last week. My shoes took home first prize thanks to their o-fence-ive odor.
- I told my wife her casserole smelled terrible. She said I lacked a refined nose, but the truth is my scent-sibilities are just fine.
- The skunk was embarrassed after it sprayed near the owls. It felt like a real fowl odor.
- Working at the zoo gift shop has its ups and downs. The place reeks, but at least I get to sell fun odor-naments.
Smell One-Liners (10)
- My gym clothes smell so bad, you can literally see the stink lines coming off them.
- I asked the cashier where the air freshener was located, he said “Just follow your nose.”
- Don’t breathe through your mouth at the fish market unless you want a full fishy flavor experience.
- The smell coming from the back of this refrigerator is more rancid than week-old leftovers.
- I don’t know what my roommate cooked last night, but it made the whole apartment smell toxic.
- My shoes are so stinky that I have to store them outside.
- We drove through a skunk roadkill today and it was a punch in the nose.
- Something died under the floorboards. I can smell the stench through the vents.
- I can always smell when my brother has used the bathroom. It’s a real odor-deal.
- The lunchmeat in the back of the fridge expired and now the whole shelf wreaks.
Best Smell Jokes (20)
1. I was feeling sick last week so I decided to go see Dr. Noseworthy, the rhinologist. He checked out my nose and sinuses for a few minutes and said, “Yep, just as I suspected. Your nose is broken.” I was shocked and asked him how he could tell just by looking in my nostrils. He said, “I’m kidding, I can just smell that’s what’s wrong with you!”
2. My wife was complaining about how bad my breath smelled so I decided to buy some mints. I offered her one after I popped a couple in my mouth. She said, “No thanks, I’ll pass at trying to mask that dragon breath of yours!”
3. I was super embarrassed yesterday when my stomach started gurgling loudly right as I was introducing myself to a cute girl. She scrunched up her nose and said, “Nice to meet you…and your bowels, apparently.” I wanted to crawl in a hole and die right there from the smell shame!
4. Last week at my new job, I heated up leftovers and didn’t realize how pungent the curry was until my coworkers started making faces and waving their hands in front of their noses dramatically. Note to self: only eat bland sandwiches from now on.
5. My brother loves pulling pranks on me. Last night when I got in bed, it smelled like something had died in there. I lifted up the sheet and found a package of limburger cheese under my pillow that he had hidden earlier. The stench was so overpowering I gagged and almost puked everywhere.
6. I was so embarrassed last night at my friend’s party when I spilled onion dip all over my shirt. I tried to rub it off but the smell was sticking to me like glue. People kept asking with disgusted looks who smelled like old onions. I wanted to disappear so badly.
7. We bought a house last year and could never figure out where this horrid rotting trash smell was coming from. We finally discovered there was a dead squirrel stuck in the HVAC system. We had to call in biohazard removal specialists to come take care of the putrid critter corpse.
8. Last week I decided to start packing healthier lunches with tuna sandwiches. By the afternoon, my coworkers banned me from ever bringing tuna again because the “unchristian” odor was too disruptive. Oops, there goes my lunch budget.
9. I was in the courtyard at school and smelled something absolutely rancid, like a dumpster full of soiled diapers. I was gagging as I looked around for the source. Turns out the smell was coming from the beans my classmate brought for lunch. His face turned bright red when I pointed out his toxic-smelling meal.
10. I went on a first date last night and could smell his breath from across the table. It was like he gargled mouthwash with garlic and onions. I tried offering him a mint but he didn’t take the hint. Needless to say, there won’t be a second date.
11. Last week I grabbed a yogurt cup out of the work fridge without noticing the expiration date. As soon as I peeled the lid back and got hit with the putrid smell of rotten milk, I gagged and sprinted to the bathroom to puke. My coworkers definitely heard me vomiting and now call me “Pukey”.
12. My elderly neighbor hasn’t taken his trash bins down in weeks. The smell coming from them is ungodly and only getting worse by the day. I’m tempted to drag them down to the curb myself but I’m afraid of what horrors I’ll find inside that have been festering in this heat.
13. I love my dog but his gas could peel the paint off walls. His farts are so toxic they make my eyes and nose burn. We can’t even have company over because as soon as he cuts one, people start gagging and fleeing from the house.
14. We went to my in-laws’ house for dinner last week. As soon as we walked in the door, the stench of boiled cabbage and lingonberries almost knocked us over. Not wanting to offend them, we choked down the smell and their horrifying Scandinavian meal.
15. My teenage son has the worst case of foot odor I’ve ever encountered. His shoes smell like a corpse crawled in them and died. I’ve tried spraying them down, wrapping them in plastic bags, nothing works. At this point I think we need to just burn everything he wears on his feet.
16. I took a job cleaning portable toilets at music festivals last summer. I thought I knew what stench was before that hellacious experience. By the end of it, I couldn’t smell anything anymore due to being nose-blind from months of putrid poop fumes.
17. We went to my aunt’s house and were smacked in the face by the smell of kitty litter and rotting garbage as soon as we walked in. Turns out she was housing 47 cats and hadn’t taken her trash out in months. Needless to say, we made a quick exit and gulped fresh air.
18. My coworker heats up fish every day at work and stinks up the whole office. We had to ban her from using the microwave because clients were complaining about the foul odors wafting down the halls and absorbing into the carpets and furniture.
19. I took my shoes off after a run yesterday and the smell that sucker punched me almost made me puke. They were so rank I had to bury them in the backyard rather than subject my family to the putrid odor inside our home.
20. Last night I had to tell my girlfriend that her breath was a little stinky. She flipped out and accused me of saying she smelled bad all the time. Note to self: just let her dragon breath melt your nose hairs off from now on and stay quiet.
