Italian Puns (15)
- What do you call an Italian who likes to eat pasta and dance? A rigatoni Tony!
- Why don’t Italians like jeans? Because denim rhymes with condemn!
- What do you call an Italian who loves math? Al Gebra!
- Why don’t Italians drink cappuccinos after dinner? Because it’s a meal in itself!
- What do you call an Italian who loves gardening? Romaine!
- Why don’t Italians eat clocks? Because it’s time consuming!
- What do you call an Italian who loves boxing? Punchinello!
- What do you call an Italian vampire? Count Spaghettula
- Why don’t Italians celebrate Halloween? Because every day is a masquerade!
- What do you call an Italian hairdresser? Caesar Salad!
- Why don’t Italians water ski? Because they can’t stay on pasta!
- What do you call an Italian snake? A spaghetti noodle!
- What do you call an Italian banker? A rigatoni rich!
- What do you call an Italian who loves cars? Ferragamo!
- What do you call an Italian who loves chocolate? Baci lover!
Italian One-Liners (15)
- I ate so much pasta, I think I became Italian!
- Italians do it better… if by “it” you mean eating pasta and pizza!
- I’m learning Italian so I can understand the opera… and the dinner menu!
- My Italian grandma’s cure for everything? More pasta!
- Knock knock! Who’s there? Alfredo. Alfredo who? Alfredo spaghetti if you don’t open this door!
- What do you call someone who loves Italian food? A pastaholic!
- Want to hear a pizza joke? Nevermind, it’s too cheesy.
- Italians don’t diet, they just loosen their belts!
- My Italian friend was crushed when I told him spaghetti grows on trees.
- Italians aren’t stubborn, they’re just flexibly opinionated.
- You can always tell if an Italian is really angry – the hand gestures get twice as big!
- Nothing cures homesickness like a bowl of pasta.
- Want to make an Italian smile? Offer free breadsticks.
- Italians aren’t angry, they’re just temporarily louder.
- You haven’t partied until you’ve partied Italian style – wine, food and family required!
Best Italian Jokes (55)
1. One day, an Italian, a Frenchman and an Englishman went to a museum. “That’s a beautiful painting of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden,” the Frenchman said. “They must be French, they’re naked and they’re eating fruit.”
“No way,” said the Englishman. “They’re naked and don’t have a stitch on them. Clearly, they’re English.”
The Italian just shook his head. “They are naked, have no shelter, only an apple to eat between them… they have got to be Italian!”
2. What did the Italian firefighter name his twin sons? Hose A and Hose B!
3. Why does it take longer to build a Fiat than other cars? They have to pizza together!
4. What do you call an Italian protector? A Bolognese guard!
5. Why do Italians make bad chemists? Because they can only deal with Mol solutions!
6. What do you call an Italian who knows karate? Chicken parm you don’t see!
7. Why are Italians such good dancers? They know how to Romagna the dance floor!
8. Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? He pasta way.
9. What do you call an Italian girl with one leg that’s shorter than the other? Eileen (I lean)!
10. Why do Italians wear gold chains around their necks? Because it holds their crucifix and their garlic together!
11. What Italian dessert has no beginning or end? Cannolli!
12. Why do Italians make bad gardeners? Because they have oregano failure!
13. How do you know if an Italian is busy? They have a lot on their plate!
14. How do you know if an Italian is smart? They graduated pasta cum laude!
15. What do you call someone who loves Italian food? A pastaphile!
16. Why didn’t the Italian kids get any Easter eggs? Their parents ate them!
17. What’s the difference between Christianity and Italianism? About 20 pounds!
18. Why are Italians such romantic lovers? Because they’re so good at pepperoni their partners with kisses!
19. Why don’t Italians like barbecues? Because the grill reminds them of the stove, and no one uses the stove in the summer!
20. Why do Italians wear sunglasses? So they can stare at people without them knowing!
21. What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta!
22. Why did the Italian get 5150’d? He pasta way!
23. What do you call an Italian in space? An astro-not!
24. Why do Italians make bad lifeguards? They can’t wait 30 minutes after eating before they swim!
25. Why did the Italian throw butter out the window? He wanted to see a butterfly!
26. What do you call an Italian who befriends salad? Caesar!
27. Why do Italians eat so much marinara sauce? Because they love any excuse to use Oregano!
28. How do you sink an Italian battleship? Put it in water!
29. Why do Italians make bad astronauts? They overuse olive oil and constantly slip out of the spacesuits!
30. What did the Italian say when the bridge fell on him? Mamma mia!
31. Why are Italians so into social media? It’s a great way to meatball their friends!
32. Why do Italians wear slip-on shoes? You can’t fit laces through all the holes in Crocs!
33. Why are Italians always cleaning? Their mops remind them of their mothers!
34. Why do Italian men have mustaches? Because they need to Grooman themselves!
35. Why do Italians make bad hotel owners? Guests always have to Make Their Own Beds!
36. Why do Italian couples go to restaurants instead of cooking? It’s Roman-tic!
37. Why was the Italian train driver fired? He pasta signal!
38. Why do Italians wear tight pants? Their Guidos don’t fit in loose ones!
39. Why don’t Italians BBQ? The grill reminds them of work and no Italian works in the summer!
40. Did you hear about the time Italy called in sick to work? They were taking a Siesta!
41. Why do Italians eat so much pasta? Because they cannoli fit so much in their stomachs!
42. Why do Italians make bad creditors? They can’t leave people a loan!
43. Why do Italians bake so many pizzas? It gives them something delectable to Rome about!
44. What did the Italian say to the bartender? I’ll have a martinusky!
45. Why do Italians make bad cops? They’re always coming late with cold pizza!
46. What’s the difference between an Italian mother and an Italian grandmother? About 30 years!
47. How do you impress an Italian? Take him to dinner somewhere other than Olive Garden!
48. Why do Italians wear tight speedos? To smuggle cannoli!
49. Did you hear about the Italian who went to London? He pasta way!
50. What do you get if you cross Italian dressing with a crocodile? Snapper-oni!
51. Why do Italians make bad singers? They can’t hit the high notes!
52. Why did the Italian chef go to jail? He pasta way!
53. What’s red, white and green and goes really fast? An Italian at a yellow traffic light!
54. Why do Italians eat so fast? Competition over who gets seconds!
55. What do you call an Italian who loves to eat beans? Fava!