Foot Puns
1. I wanted to get my toenails painted, but the salon was closed. What a missed oppor-toe-nity!
2. My friend got athlete’s foot from wearing borrowed bowling shoes. I told him he needs to treat it and not just brush it off like dandruff, otherwise it’ll spread like wildfire. He said “Toe-tally!”
3. I stubbed my pinky toe on the coffee table leg. I tried to remain calm and count to ten, but I only made it to nine before I lost my footing.
4. Did you hear about the new restaurant called Toe Foods? Their signature dish is fried pig’s feet, apparently everyone is giving it toe thumbs up.
5. I wanted to tell my podiatrist a foot joke, but I didn’t think he’d find it very humerus.
6. When I was a kid I’d have nightmares where all my toys came to life with sharp teeth. I’d wake up in the morning and check my feet to make sure Tickle-Me-Elmo didn’t nibble on my toes!
7. My friend got bunion surgery on her big toe. The doctor said it went great but it’ll be at least 6 weeks until she’s back on her feet again.
8. I was going to tell my friend a toe jam joke, but I decided to just sock it to him instead.
9. What do you call a stolen Tesla? A toe-stolen Tesla!
10. Did you hear about the hotel that caters exclusively to feet? It was just a bunch of rooms filled with toe socks.
Foot One-Liners
11. Athlete’s foot? More like atleet’s foot, am I right?
12. Put some shoes on, I don’t want to catch your nasty foot fungus!
13. Hey there Bigfoot, how about you wash those gross feet for once?
14. Stop moving your feet so much, it’s distracting me!
15. If your feet smell then you need new shoes…and maybe a shower too.
16. These shoes are so tight my feet are screaming for mercy.
17. I’m not ticklish…except for my feet, keep your fingers away!
18. Ugh, did you step in something? Your shoes reek!
19. You better not be using my bath towel to dry those gross feet!
20. Put some socks on, your feet are rank!
Best Foot Jokes
21. A man with no feet walked into a shoe store and asked the salesman for shoes. “But sir,” said the salesman, “you don’t have any feet!” The man replied, “That’s alright, I have the shoes already, I just need you to tie the laces for me.”
22. What do you call a song sung by your toes? A foot tune!
23. Did you hear about the mobster that couldn’t stop scratching his feet? Turns out he had an itchy toe-trigger finger.
24. Why do french fries make great dancers? Because they really know how to foot loose!
25. What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers!
26. Did you hear about the man with 5 legs? His pants fit him like a foot glove.
27. Why don’t eggs like walking? It cracks them up!
28. What do you call cheese that’s not yours? Nacho cheese!
29. Why don’t sharks eat clowns? Because they taste funny!
30. How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it!
31. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space!
32. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
33. What kind of bagel can fly? A plain bagel!
34. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up!
35. Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere!
36. What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta!
37. I knew I shouldn’t steal a mixer from Walmart but it was a whisk I was willing to take.
38. Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot!
39. What do you call a deer with no eyes? No eye-deer!
40. Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de Brie.
41. My friend got angry at me for smelling his feet. I don’t know what his problem is, I was just trying to get to the root of the issue.
42. I entered a contest for most beautiful feet. I was hoping for sole winner but it ended in defeat.
43. What did the big toe say to the other toes when it stubbed into the table leg? “I’m so sorry guys, I should’ve toes better!”
44. What do you call a shoe made from a banana? A slipper!
45. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up!