Dumb Puns
1. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
2. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space.
3. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
4. What do you call someone who is afraid of Santa Claus? A Claustrophobic!
5. Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems!
6. I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.
7. Did you hear about the guy who stole a calendar? He got 12 months!
8. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up!
9. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day!
10. I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now.
Dumb One-Liners
11. I’m reading a great book about anti-gravity. I just can’t put it down!
12. I was wondering why the Frisbee kept getting bigger and bigger, but then it hit me.
13. I once heard a joke about amnesia, but I forgot how it goes.
14. My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad I had to take his bike away.
15. I’m afraid of elevators. I’m taking steps to avoid them.
16. My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.
17. I went to buy some camouflage trousers yesterday but couldn’t find any.
18. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day!
19. 5/4 of people admit that they’re bad with fractions.
20. I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
Best Dumb Jokes
21. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.
22. Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers? He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
23. Why do we tell actors to “break a leg?” Because every play has a cast.
24. My friend recently got crushed by a pile of books, but he’s only got his shelf to blame.
25. What did the fish say when it swam into a wall? “Dam!”
26. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
27. Did you hear about the astronaut who stepped on chewing gum? He got stuck in Orbit.
28. I couldn’t figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.
29. I wanted to learn how to drive a stick shift, but I couldn’t find a manual.
30. I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.
31. Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.
32. Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de Brie.
33. Our wedding was so beautiful even the cake was in tiers.
34. Why can’t bicycles stand up on their own? Because they’re two tired!
35. Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels!
36. Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He didn’t get hurt because it was a soft drink.
37. I couldn’t work out how to fasten my seatbelt. Then it clicked.
38. Why did the scarecrow get promoted? Because he was outstanding in his field.
39. I’d tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn’t get a reaction.
40. I’m reading a book on anti-gravity and it’s impossible to put down.
41. I couldn’t quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.
42. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.
43. Did you hear about the limbo champion who walked under a bus? He’s all right now.
44. Slept like a log last night …. woke up in the fireplace!
45. I walked into my sister’s room and tripped on a bra. It was a booby-trap.
46. When the cannibal showed up late to the luncheon, they gave him the cold shoulder.
47. Two windmills are standing in a field. One asks the other, “What kind of music do you like?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
48. Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke? He won the no-bell prize.
49. Why don’t calculators have a sense of humor? They take everything literally!
50. I’m reading a great book about anti-gravity. I just can’t put it down!