Truck Puns
1. What do you call a truck full of ducks? A Quack-up truck!
2. Why was the big rig tired when it got home? It had a long haul.
3. Why don’t trucks ever go on vacation? They like to stick to their routes.
4. How does a truck stay in shape? It goes to the heavy haul gym.
5. Why was the tractor trailer sad after getting a paint job? It didn’t like the new hue.
6. What do you call a parade of trucks? A convoy good time!
7. Why did the semi truck get arrested? It was hauling azz.
8. What do you call a line of trucks waiting at a stop light? A traffic jam session.
9. Why don’t eggs ride in 18-wheelers? They don’t want to end up scrambled.
10. What do you call a truck full of candy? A semi-sweet ride.
11. Why was the dump truck so happy? It was feeling dumped.
12. What did the mama truck say to her baby? Wheel always be together.
Truck One-Liners
13. I got cut off by a big rig and almost had an 18-wheeler tantrum.
14. My friend got hit by a UPS truck. He’s doing okay but delivering items might be a challenge.
15. Parallel parking an 18-wheeler is just trucking impossible.
16. That truck looks exhausted from the long haul.
17. A cement truck accident caused quite the messy situation on the highway.
18. Getting your CDL takes some serious truck training.
19. That dump truck sure knows how to haul azz.
20. Being a trucker means spending a lot of time on the road away from your rig.
21. My friend failed his truck driving test. I guess he didn’t have the right big rig skills.
22. Getting rear-ended by a semi is an absolute semi-nightmare.
Best Truck Jokes
23. A police officer pulled over a trucker and asked “Got any dead bodies in there?” The trucker said no, and the officer replied “Okay, then you won’t mind me taking a look.” The trucker stepped out and lifted the back door of the trailer, revealing hundreds of penguins. The officer says “You said you didn’t have any dead bodies!” The trucker replies “I know…I thought you said ‘dead budgies’.”
24. A trucker was driving down the highway when he saw a priest hitchhiking on the side of the road. He pulled over and asked the priest “Where are you headed to Father?” The priest responds “I’m on my way to the church in the next town over but it’s 10 miles away. Could I get a ride?” The trucker replies “No problem, hop in”. As the trucker and priest are driving down the road, the trucker sees a lawyer who is also hitchhiking on the side of the highway. He pulls over and asks “Where are you headed?” The lawyer says “I’m trying to get to the courthouse in the next town over, it’s about 10 miles from here.” The trucker replies “Well Father, I can’t leave this poor lawyer out here on the side of the road. Hop in back and make room for him.” The priest shakes his head and says “No, take me to my church first. I don’t want to be left alone with a lawyer.” The lawyer overhears this and replies “Tell you what Father, you ride in back with me and we’ll BOTH make sure this trucker doesn’t go anywhere.”
25. A trucker is driving down a deserted stretch of highway at midnight when he feels a thump and hears screeching tires behind him. Seeing nothing in his mirrors, he chalks it up to his imagination and keeps driving. After a few more miles, he feels another thump and hears a loud bang from the side of his truck. Now nervous but unsure of the source, he picks up speed. Just as his truck pulls ahead, he hears a loud voice yell “PULL OVER!” Panicking, the trucker slams on the brakes and stops the truck. As he regains his composure, a drunk stumbles up to his cab window and says “Hey buddy….did you…did you have part of my fence…stuck in your mud flaps or something?”
26. A trucker picks up a hitchhiker who gets into the passenger seat and crosses himself. The trucker looks over and says “What’s that for?” The hitchhiker responds “Just for protection.” They drive on for a bit longer, then the hitchhiker crosses himself again. “Seriously, why do you keep doing that?” asks the trucker. The hitchhiker responds “Well, when you’re traveling with a trucker who goes 80 mph around curves, crosses double yellow lines, and barely misses collisions, you need all the help from above you can get!”
27. A truck driver who has been out on the road for two weeks stops at a brothel outside Atlanta. He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down $500 and says, “I want your ugliest woman and a grilled cheese sandwich!” The Madam is astonished. “But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my prettiest ladies and a three-course meal.” The trucker replies, “Listen darlin’, I’m not horny – I’m just homesick.”
28. A truck driver sees a girl tied to the railroad tracks and slams on his brakes, stopping just in time. “I’m so glad you stopped!” cries the girl as he unties her. The trucker replies “Me too, those tracks needed a human sacrifice before I could cross safely.”
29. Did you hear about the time the pigpen got towed by a tow truck? It ended up being an impound truck.
30. Why don’t eggs tell trucker jokes? They’d crack each other up.
31. What did the egg say to the trucker? Thanks for the 18-wheeler!
32. Why don’t trucks play hide and seek? They always get found in their hiding spots right off the bat.
33. Why are trucks so bad at playing peekaboo? They’re always found by saying “Where’s the semi?”
34. Why don’t trucks gossip about other trucks? They don’t like to spread truck rumors.
35. How does a truck spy on other trucks? It keeps a truck log of their activities.
36. Why was the work truck cranky on Monday morning? It was so not ready to haul another load.
37. Why was the truck excited for Thanksgiving break? It really needed some haul-idays.
38. Why are trucks always so happy on Friday afternoons? Because it’s haul-lelujah the work week is done!
39. How do trucks access the internet? They logging on.
40. Why do trucks love comedy shows? Because they are always up for a good haul-ar.
41. How does a truck relax after a long day of hauling? It likes to unwind with haul-lot-tea.
42. Why was the little truck so upset? Because someone stepped on its hatch-bac.
43. What’s a truck’s favorite genre of music? Haul-n-Oates of course!
