Rain Puns (12)
1. I’m afraid of catching a cold in the rain, but I’m more concerned about catching pneumonia. I just hope it doesn’t rain all week – that would be pour-ful.
2. The weatherman said there’s a 50% chance of rain today, so I’m bringing an umbrella just in case. I don’t want to get caught in a downpour without it. That would just dampen my day.
3. I asked my friend if rain bothers him. He said, “Nope, water off a duck’s back.” I guess bad weather doesn’t get him downpour.
4. My friend got frustrated trying to set up her new rain gauge. I told her to take a step back and not let a little precipitation precipitation her patience.
5. I entered my dog in a wet t-shirt contest during the rain storm. He got cold and beet it.
6. I was going to tell a joke about the rain, but there’s a 95% chance you’ve already heard it before.
7. The meteorologist said thunderstorms were likely today. I told him don’t rain on my parade just yet.
8. I wanted to go on a walk today but the rain dampened my plans. I’m all washed up now.
9. Don’t let a little rain get you down – look on the bright side, the plants are very happy about it!
10. My friend got lost hiking in the rain and caught pneumonia. When he got better I told him next time bring a rain jacket or you’ll get pneu-monia again!
11. The rain kept pouring and pouring. It was an ongoing downpouring situation.
12. I’m no meteorologist, but I think there’s a 70% chance of precipitation precipitation.
Rain One-Liners (15)
13. I don’t mind walking in the rain, because no one can see me crying.
14. Singin’ in the rain? More like complaining in the rain.
15. They said the rain would last all day. What a drizzle appointment.
16. I asked my friend, “Do you even like the rain?” He replied, “Only when I’m asleep.”
17. The pitter patter of rain calms me like nothing else. I soak it in.
18. Rainy days make me want to stay home, curl up with a good book, and ignore responsibilities.
19. Rain rain, come again. And bring your friend thunder too.
20. Raindrops keep fallin’ on my head. Luckily I brought an umbrella today.
21. Do you want to build a rainman? It doesn’t have to be a rainman.
22. I’m not afraid of storms, for I’m learning how to rain dance.
23. I love the sound of rain. It’s like white noise, but more refreshing.
24. They said it never rains in southern California. Turns out they lied.
25. A wet bird never flies at night, or something like that.
26. The rain came down in droves. It was literally dripping.
27. Rain rain, go away. Come again another day.
Best Rain Jokes (26)
28. A man was caught in heavy rain with no umbrella or rain coat and was getting absolutely soaked. A woman walked by with a rain coat and umbrella. She offered for the two to share. The man declined, “No thank you, Jesus will save me.” Later a man in a pick up truck came by and offered him a lift. Again he declined, “No thank you, Jesus will save me.” Later a rescue boat came by to take people out of the flood waters. Again he declined, saying “Jesus will save me.” After he drowned in the rain, he went before God and asked “Why didn’t Jesus save me?” God replied: “I sent you two boats and a truck!”
29. One rainy autumn day, a minister was driving down a country road and saw a young boy walking in the rain. The minister stopped his car and asked the boy, “Where are you going in this rain storm?” The boy replied, “I’m headed for my baseball game. It’s the finals.” The minister offered the boy a ride and the boy climbed into the back seat. During the drive, the minister asked “What position do you play son?” The boy said “I’m the umpire.” The minister was surprised, “An umpire? Why aren’t you playing in the game with the other boys?” The boy replied, “Well sir, somebody has to be fair.”
30. One day a farmer was working in his field when it started to rain heavily. He had left his truck at the end of the field and had to walk a mile in the pouring rain. When he finally made it to his truck, he was soaking wet. As he opened the door, he heard a mooing sound coming from the back seat. He turned around to find a cow sitting there happily. The farmer was bewildered and exclaimed, “What are you doing in my truck?!” The cow replied, “Well it started raining, and I saw the truck was open, so I hopped in. By the way, I think your dog wants to get in too!”
31. Did you hear about the fight in the rain? It was quite the downpour!
32. Why did the man dance in the rain? He felt like making a splash!
33. Two farmers were talking about the rain. One said, “The rain came down so hard, it kept my ducks from feeding!” The other said, “It rained so hard, it kept my chickens from laying eggs!” The farmers shook their heads. “Ain’t it funny,” said one, “how much rain can affect your poultry?”
34. Why did the rain stay out all night? It didn’t want to pour!
35. What do you call rain on your wedding day? A mister and miss!
36. Did you hear about the fight in the rain? It was an all out downpour!
37. Why did the umbrella get mad at the rain? It felt mist upon!
38. What did the hurricane say to the palm tree? Hold on to your coconuts, this ain’t no ordinary blowjob!
39. Why did the little raindrop cry? Because it will never be a snowflake!
40. How does Moses make coffee? Hebrews it!
41. A cop pulls over a driver and informs him, “Sir, you have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be used against you in court.” The driver replies, “Officer, I can assure you that I have done nothing wrong. You have no reason to think I have or ever would commit a crime. Rest assured that whatever you’ve heard is a vicious lie spread by some jealous enemies of mine.”
42. What did one raindrop say to the other? Two’s company, three’s a cloud!
43. Why don’t they play poker in the rainforest? Because of all the cheetahs!
44. Why did the hipster burn his mouth? He drank his coffee before it was cool!
45. What’s brown and sticky? A stick!
46. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up!
47. What concert costs 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickelback!
48. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
49. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese!
50. Why don’t oysters share their pearls? Because they’re shellfish!
51. What did the buffalo say when his son left for college? Bison!
52. Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom? Because the “P” is silent!
53. I knew I shouldn’t steal a mixer from work, but it was a whisk I was willing to take!
