Tractor Puns
1. Why was the tractor so exhausted after working in the field all day? It was tractor-ed out!
2. Why are tractors bad at playing hide and seek? They’re always easy to spot!
3. How do you fix a broken tractor? With a tractor splint!
4. Want to hear a joke about a tractor? Eh, nevermind…it would just drive you away.
5. Why don’t tractors ever get lost? They have GPS – Ground Positioning Systems!
6. Why don’t tractors like fast food restaurants? They don’t want to go through the drive-thru!
7. How do tractors stay connected while working in the fields? They use their Tract-tor-net!
8. Why was the tractor giggling uncontrollably? It was having a laughing tractor!
9. Why was the tractor acting so vain? It was having an attractive tractor!
10. Why did the tractor get a trophy? It had great traction!
11. Why are tractors good dancers? They have all the right moves and great tractor-tion on the dance floor!
12. Why was the little tractor upset? It didn’t want to be called a Power Wheels!
Tractor One-Liners
13. I tried to make a tractor joke, but it didn’t go over so well.
14. What do you call a three-wheeled tractor? Tri-tracked!
15. Why don’t eggs ride tractors? They don’t want to be scrambled!
16. I asked the tractor how it was doing today. It said it was feeling wheelie tired.
17. What do you call a tractor that got too close to the fire? Char-tractor!
18. How do tractors stay in shape? They do wheelbarrow lifts!
19. What do you call a happy tractor? Glad-he-ate-her!
20. How do tractors get wired up? With cable ties!
21. Why was the tractor so good at cutting hair? It was a pro at crop tops!
22. Tractor? I hardly know her!
Best Tractor Jokes
23. One day, a farmer called his neighbor for help with his new tractor that wouldn’t start. The neighbor came over, walked around to the back of the tractor, gave it a swift kick, and it started right up. A week later, the tractor wouldn’t start again. So the farmer called his neighbor back over. The neighbor came, walked around to the back, and gave the tractor another swift kick. Bingo, it started right up. Now another week has passed, and again the farmer can’t get his tractor to start. He calls up his neighbor yet again for help. The neighbor comes over, walks around the back of the tractor, pulls down his pants, and whips out his tool. He looks under the tractor and says “I see the problem now. Looks like I’m gonna have to kick it one more time.”
24. A farmer was driving his John Deere tractor along the road when he saw a man drinking from a bottle of whiskey. He stopped and asked the man if he could have a drink too. The man handed the bottle to the farmer, who took a big swig then handed it back. “Wow that’s some good stuff! What do you call it?” the farmer asked. “John Deere” the man replied.
The farmer looked puzzled and said “Don’t you mean Jack Daniels?”
“Nope” said the man, “look on the label.”
The farmer looked at the label and sure enough, it said John Deere.
25. Jim was driving his John Deere tractor along the road when he saw his neighbor Bob plowing his field with some oxen. Jim stopped and yelled out to Bob “Hey, why are you using oxen to plow your field? Wouldn’t a tractor be faster?” Bob replied “Maybe so, but my oxen don’t require any fuel or maintenance. All I have to do is feed them some hay and water and they’re good to go. Plus, I don’t have to make any loan payments on them like you probably do on that fancy tractor of yours.”
Jim paused for a moment, then shrugged and said “Can’t argue with that logic! But I still like my tractor.” The two men chuckled and waved as Jim drove off down the road.
26. Old McDonald bought himself a new John Deere tractor to help work his farm. His neighbor Brown saw the shiny new green tractor and came over to take a look. “Wow McDonald, that sure is a nice new tractor! This thing must have set you back at least a hundred grand!” said Brown.
McDonald replied “Ee-I-ee-I-oh…nope, got it for zero down, 0% APR financing over 7 years. So I’m paying like $800 a month for it but the tractor is helping me increase my crop yields.”
Brown scratched his head and said “Huh, so you’re paying $800 a month for 7 years to make more money from bigger yields. Meaning you’ll make your money back in the long run. Not a bad strategy, keep on farming on!”
The two men laughed and McDonald drove off on his tractor singing “Ee-I-ee-I-ooooooo!”
27. A family was driving down the road in their pickup truck when suddenly their John Deere tractor came around the bend in the oncoming lane. They swerved but were unable to avoid a head-on collision. Thankfully no one was seriously injured.
The sheriff came and asked the tractor driver what had happened. The driver said “Officer, I’m just as shocked as anyone! One minute I was driving my tractor to the neighbor’s farm to help out with some plowing, the next minute I see this pickup truck coming right at me. I tried to get over but it was too late.”
The officer inspected the mangled vehicles and determined the tractor’s steering had likely malfunctioned, causing it to veer into oncoming traffic. The tractor driver realized how lucky he was no one had been killed. He vowed to have his tractor thoroughly inspected for any issues before driving it again.
28. Joe was driving his shiny red tractor down the dirt road on his farm when he accidentally veered off into a ditch. Try as he might, Joe could not get the tractor to climb out of the ditch.
Just then Joe’s neighbor Ron came by on his tractor and stopped to help. Ron attached a chain between the two tractors and pulled Joe’s tractor out of the ditch.
Joe said “Wow thanks for helping me out Ron! I really appreciate it.”
Ron replied “No problem Joe. Us farmers have to stick together and help each other when we can. I’m just glad I could get you out of that ditch!”
The two men chatted for a bit then each went on their way, Joe driving more carefully this time.
29. Old MacDonald had a farm, E-I-E-I-O. And on that farm he had a tractor, E-I-E-I-O. With a vroom vroom here and a honk honk there, here a vroom, there a honk, everywhere a vroom vroom. Old MacDonald had a farm, E-I-E-I-O!
One day the tractor wouldn’t start, E-I-E-I-O. Old MacDonald called the mechanic, E-I-E-I-O. The mechanic came and fixed the tractor, E-I-E-I-O. Now it’s running smooth as ever, E-I-E-I-OOOOO!
30. Little Johnny was so excited when his dad let him sit in the driver’s seat of the tractor for the first time. Johnny pretended to drive the tractor all around the farm, making vroom vroom sounds while turning the steering wheel.
“When I grow up, I’m gonna be a tractor driver just like you Daddy!” Johnny exclaimed.
“Well hold your horses son,” Dad chuckled. “You gotta grow some more before you can actually drive this big thing. But I tell you what – when you turn 16, I’ll teach you to drive the real tractor. How does that sound?”
“Yippee!” Johnny cheered. He couldn’t wait to drive the tractor for real when he was older. For now, he kept on pretending and having fun in the driver’s seat.
31. Tom was out plowing his fields on his John Deere tractor when he spotted a massive pit in the ground. As he got closer, the ground started shaking violently. All of a sudden, a giant worm erupted from the earth, knocking Tom right off his tractor!
The worm started thrashing around, destroying Tom’s tractor and fields. Tom managed to run into his barn and grab his trusty shotgun. After an intense battle, Tom finally defeated the beast by blowing its head off with his shotgun.
With the giant worm dead, Tom set out to assess the damage. His tractor was totaled and his fields would take weeks to repair. But Tom was alive, and that’s what mattered most. He knew he could rebuild, as long as that worm didn’t come back!
32. Farmer Brown loved listening to music while he plowed his fields on his tractor. One day, he decided to bring a radio along with him. He tuned it to the country station and cranked up the volume.
As Old MacDonald Had a Farm played, Farmer Brown sang along horribly off-key. He was having such a good time dancing in his seat that he didn’t notice he was veering off course.
Suddenly, he plowed straight through the neighbor’s fence and wrecked their chicken coop! Feathers went flying everywhere.
When Brown turned off the music, he realized what a disaster he had caused. He shut off the tractor and went to apologize to his neighbors. From then on, no more radio while plowing!
