Lunch Puns
1. I relish a good lunch, even if some people mustard up complaints about my puns.
2. They say breakfast is the most important meal of the day, but lunch is a close second…best!
3. My friend got frustrated trying to peel a boiled egg at lunch. I told him to keep trying and eggcellent things will happen.
4. I brought a salad for lunch but forgot the dressing. It was a bare necessity.
5. I was running late for lunch so I had to russian salad down.
6. My friend complained that her sandwich was cold. I told her to lettuce heat it up.
7. I ordered a Philly cheesesteak for lunch but when I got it, it was missing the steak! What a missed steak.
8. I made a sandwich for lunch but got frustrated trying to cut it. I should have used a butter knife.
9. I was excited for taco Tuesday lunch until I realized I’m gluten intolerant. It was a hard shell to swallow.
10. My friend got frustrated trying to decide where to go for lunch. I told him to pizza his mind.
11. I brought leftover spaghetti for lunch but forgot a fork. I had to use my bear hands.
12. I was running late and grabbed a granola bar for lunch. It was a fruitful decision.
Lunch One-Liners
13. I was going to tell a lunch joke, but I decided to skip it.
14. They say an apple a day keeps the doctor away, but a lunchable keeps me satisfied.
15. Forget breakfast, lunch is the most important meal of the day if you want to avoid an afternoon food coma.
16. I don’t always snack between meals, but when I do, it’s because I’m hungry from my unsatisfying lunch.
17. A sad desk lunch is like culinary Stockholm syndrome – you don’t love it but you’ve become attached after so many meals together.
18. Is there anything better than the lunch lady yelling “Sloppy Joe day!” as you get your tray?
19. Why do they call it a TV dinner if I always eat mine at my desk on my lunch break?
20. A 20 minute lunch break means 10 minutes shovelling food down and 10 minutes regretting your life choices.
21. I’m pretty sure my leftover lasagna is developing sentience after a week in the office fridge.
22. The vending machine lunch – for when you hate yourself but still have standards.
Best Lunch Jokes
23. I was running late to work and had to grab fast food for lunch. As I was rushing to eat it at my desk, my boss yelled at me “No eating at your desk!” I replied, “But I’m hungry…” He said, “Hi Hungry, I’m Dad.”
24. My coworker heated up fish in the office microwave then went on lunch break. When people started complaining about the smell, I yelled “Who cooked fish? That’s selfish shellfish!” No one laughed but a groan swept across the office.
25. I was in the break room looking for someone to join me for lunch. I asked my coworker Dan, “Hey Dan, want to grab some chow?” He replied “No thanks, I’m Dan fasting right now.” I rolled my eyes and went to eat alone.
26. I was running late to work when a police officer pulled me over. “Do you know why I stopped you?” he asked. “I’m sorry officer, I’m just trying to get to work on time,” I replied. “Well you failed to make a full stop at that stop sign,” he said. I pleaded “Come on, cut me some slack. I need to punch in and grab lunch!” The officer laughed and said “Alright, lunch is on me today. Here’s a sandwich.” He handed me a sandwich ticket and let me go with just a warning.
27. My coworkers surprised me on my birthday with an ice cream cake during our lunch break. As I was serving it up, Ron said “Make sure to give me a big piece, I’ve been good this year!” I handed Ron a miniscule sliver of cake and said “I guess Santa didn’t get your letter.” My other coworkers burst out laughing while Ron sat pouting with his tiny slice.
28. I was running late to work when I realized I forgot to pack a lunch. I quickly swung by a fast food drive-thru to get some burgers. As I pulled up to the window, the cashier said it would be an extra 2 minute wait for the burgers. I replied “Seriously?? I’m super late for work, can’t you just slap some meat between some buns?? I’d even take it raw at this point!” The cashier called her manager over and I got banned from that restaurant.
29. During our lunch break, my coworker Daniel was eating a super smelly tuna sandwich. I said “Hey Daniel, can you take your stinky lunch somewhere else?” He replied “What’s the problem? Tuna you handle a little fishy smell?” Our manager overheard and we both got reprimanded for inappropriate workplace behavior.
30. I was halfway through eating my regular turkey sandwich lunch when I bit into something crunchy. I pulled a small shard of bone out of my mouth and yelled “Hey! Who’s the joker that put bone in my turkey meat?” My coworker Ryan shouted back “Uh, that would be the turkey?” I felt silly and finished my bone-in sandwich.
31. I was microwaving leftovers for lunch when Gary walked into the break room. He said “Ugh, what died in here?” I replied “It’s just my homemade pork green chili.” Gary waved the air around him and said “It smells like gym socks and regret. Maybe lay off the chili.” I told him to mind his own beeswax while enjoying my stinky lunch.
32. I accidentally spilled some marinara sauce on my shirt before a big meeting. My coworker Janet offered me her fancy scarf to cover it up. During the meeting I could smell the sauce, so I discretely tried to sniff it without anyone noticing. Suddenly my boss asked “Do you have something to say or are you going to keep smelling that scarf?” I was mortified but Janet confessed it was her fault for offering me her stinky lunch scarf.
33. I was eating lunch at my desk when Kevin from HR walked by and scolded me. I explained “Sorry, but I skipped breakfast and I’m starving!” He replied “That’s no excuse. Now I have to write you up for consuming food in an undesignated area.” I shrugged and continued eating my delicious sandwich.
34. The office fridge was packed with leftovers, so I asked “Whose hummus is this?” My coworker James raised his hand and said “It’s mine, want some?” I tried a spoonful and nearly gagged saying “Tastes more like garlic paste!” James looked offended and moved his hummus to a top shelf away from my yogurt.
35. I accidentally spilled coffee on my coworker’s lap before an important presentation. She ran off to blot her skirt dry. When she returned, I asked “Did you get the stain out?” She glared at me and hissed “No thanks to you!” then slapped a piece of paper on my desk. It was a dry cleaning bill for $50.
36. I was unwinding on Friday with some whiskey in my coffee mug. When my boss walked by, I tried to discretely sniff the Irish coffee smell away. He stopped and asked “Are you drunk?” I replied “No, just getting a whiff of my stinky lunch leftovers!” He bought it and complimented my commitment to fighting food waste.
37. I heated up some leftover tuna casserole in the office microwave. My coworker Helen waved her hand in front of her nose and asked “Who nuked Long John Silver’s?” I apologized for the smelly food but explained I was trying to eat healthy. She just replied “That’s not food, that’s a biohazard!”
38. I was eating a messy barbecue sandwich for lunch when some sauce dripped right onto my tie. My coworker Jack said “Nice accessory, very avant-garde!” I shot back “Clearly you don’t understand haute cuisine when you see it.” He just shook his head and chuckled as I finished my dripping bbq tie sandwich.
39. I stopped to get some fast food on my way to work but got stuck in traffic. By the time I arrived, my cheeseburger and fries were cold and mushy. I complained to my coworker “This tastes like regret with a side of despair!” She offered me some of her soup, which I gladly accepted.
40. I accidentally knocked my coworker’s iced coffee onto her laptop and fried it. She yelled “Do you know how much work I just lost thanks to your clumsiness??” I profusely apologized and offered to buy her lunch every day for a month. She agreed, so long as it included extra guacamole and queso.
41. I was running late for a meeting when I spilled mustard all over my shirt. My coworker handed me his sweater to cover it up. During the meeting, people kept sniffing and making faces. Afterwards, my coworker apologized for his mustardy sweater stinking up the meeting.
42. My coworker was reheating brussels sprouts in the office microwave. The smell was so offensive, I yelled “What rotten cabbage did you cremate in there?” He ignored me while I opened all the windows and turned on the fan to air out the rancid lunch smell.
43. I grabbed a yogurt cup from the office fridge for lunch. When I peeled off the lid, I recoiled from the stench saying “This expired like a month ago!” My boss yelled across the room “Then throw it away and stop stinking up the place!”
44. I was working through lunch when my coworker wafted a delicious pizza smell my way. My stomach grumbled loudly and I said “I hope you plan on sharing that cruel and unusual pizza punishment!” Luckily, she spared me a slice.
45. I stopped to get chicken nuggets on my way to work but ended up dropping them all over the parking lot. As I sadly picked them up, my hungry stomach rumbled loudly. My coworker helped me rinse them off in the sink while shaking his head.
46. My coworker heated up some fish stew in the microwave and stunk up the whole office. I yelled “Whoa, something smells fishy, and for once it’s not an excuse!” My boss stormed in demanding the source of the unpleasant aroma. My coworker sheepishly raised his hand and agreed to eat his stinky lunch outside from now on.
47. I was enjoying some sauerkraut for lunch till my coworker said “That cabbage smells like feet!” I replied “Don’t knock it till you try it! The probiotics keep me healthy.” He declined my offer for a forkful and I happily finished off my stinky, tangy sauerkraut.
48. I grabbed a container of yogurt from the communal office fridge for lunch. When I opened the lid, I gagged from the putrid smell. “Ugh, this expired like a year ago!” I yelled. My boss called back “Then throw it out already instead of stinking up the whole office!”
49. My coworker heated up a pungent leftover curry in the microwave. As the smell permeated the office, I loudly sang “What’s that smell in the air? Oh it’s my coworker’s stinky lunch, oh it’s my coworker’s stinky lunch!” He told me to knock it off, but we agreed he’d reheat only odorless foods going forward.
50. I stopped to grab a burrito on my way to work, but when I got there I realized they forgot the chicken. “This is an empty tortilla of lies!” I complained. My hungry coworkers had no sympathy and told me to stop being so dramatic about a sad desk lunch.
51. I heated up some leftover tuna casserole in the microwave, and my coworker Andre walked by pinching his nose. “Yo, your food smells nasty!” he exclaimed. I explained it was just tuna, but he insisted I take my “toxic slop” outside to finish eating.
52. I grabbed a yogurt cup from the office fridge and peeled off the lid, only to be hit with a putrid smell. “This expired like a year ago!” I yelled. My boss called back “Well it’s your fault for not checking dates. Now stop stinking up the office!”
53. I sat down to eat my lunch when my coworker Micah walked by and stopped short. “Oof, is that durian fruit I smell?” he asked. I smiled and offered him some of the pungent fruit. He politely declined and I continued enjoying my stinky durian lunch solo.
54. I was enjoying some leftover potato salad for lunch until my coworker said “That smells like old socks!” I insisted the mayo-based salad was still good, but one whiff of her cubicle told me I was fooling myself. Into the trash it went.
55. I heated up some fish leftovers at work and when my microwaved lunch began perfuming the office, my boss bellowed, “Who nuked Long John Silver’s? Air that stench out pronto!” I sheepishly opened some windows and agreed to stick to less aromatic foods for office lunches going forward.
56. I was eating a pungent kimchi and tuna sandwich at my desk when my coworker walked by, noisily breathing through his mouth. “Anything I can help you with?” I asked. “Yeah, air freshener for your cubeside biohazard,” he retorted. I assured him my fermented lunch was perfectly safe, though admittedly stinky.
57. I grabbed a yogurt from the office fridge and peeled off the lid, only to gag and yell out, “This spoiled a year ago! Whose curdled time-bomb was this?” My boss called back, “Then toss it already instead of subjecting all of us to your rancid horror!” Red-faced, I dumped the funky yogurt and febrezed my hands.
58. I sat down to eat a leftover tuna sandwich, but when I took a bite, it had turned. “This tastes like old socks and seawater!” I yelped. My coworker offered me half her turkey sub, declaring solidarity with victims of stinky work lunches everywhere.
