Lighthouse Puns (20)
1. I heard the lighthouse keeper was looking for some new reading light. I suggested he get a booklight.
2. The lighthouse had to take a day off because it was feeling a little lightheaded.
3. Why was the lighthouse angry at the ship? It kept giving him the cold shoulder.
4. Why do lighthouses make terrible parents? They’re too controlling and cast unwanted light on all your flaws.
5. I wanted to tell a joke about a lighthouse but decided to keep it light instead.
6. Why did the lighthouse get arrested? It was caught conducting shady beacon dealings.
7. What do you call a lighthouse that stops working? A light-lehouse.
8. Why don’t lighthouses ever borrow money? They like to be light on debt.
9. Why was the lighthouse afraid to return to shore? It had lighthousekeepers!
10. How does a lighthouse feel when it makes a mistake? It feels a little lightheaded.
11. Why do lighthouses make great philosophers? They spend a lot of time reflecting.
12. What musical instrument do lighthouses play? The tuba – because they like to make loud brass sounds to warn ships.
13. Why was the lighthouse afraid of heights? It felt uneasy about being too high up.
14. How does a lighthouse find its way around? It uses its beacon of knowledge.
15. What do you call a lighthouse that doubles as a restaurant? A light bite!
16. Why didn’t the lighthouse want to enter the art contest? It didn’t want to be seen in a new light!
17. Why did the lighthouse go on a diet? It wanted to look lighter.
18. What happens to a lighthouse in a blackout? It’s lights out!
19. Why did the lighthouse have to go the dentist? It had a nasty cavity that needed filling.
20. Why was the lighthouse voted most likely to succeed? It had a bright future ahead of it.
Lighthouse One-Liners (15)
21. I tried to draw a lighthouse from memory but I was drawing a blank.
22. Don’t rely on that lighthouse, the light’s not always on upstairs.
23. That was no shipwreck, the lighthouse keeper just forgot to pay his electricity bill.
24. I’m not saying the lighthouse keeper was messy, but his desk was an absolute beacon.
25. Maybe laying off the lighthouse keeper wasn’t such a bright idea after all.
26. Don’t tell anyone but I’ve heard the lighthouse is where sailors go to get lit.
27. I guess you could say that lighthouse had an uplighting personality.
28. Trust me, you don’t want to see a lighthouse blow its stack.
29. That lighthouse must work out – look at those strong beams!
30. I’m not sure, but I think that lighthouse is sending mixed signals.
31. Looks like someone forgot to pay the lighthouse’s electric beacon bill.
32. That lighthouse thinks it’s so high and mighty, towering over the rest of us.
33. I heard the local lighthouse is quite the social light – always hosting beam parties!
34. Make sure you pronounce it light-house, not lighthouse… or you’ll get illuminated!
35. I’d tell you a joke about lighthouses, but it’s too over your head.
Best Lighthouse Jokes (25)
36. A tourist asks a lighthouse keeper: “Why do you have two lights instead of one?” The keeper replies: “Well, I’ve divorced my wife recently, so this is the alimony!”
37. What do you call a lighthouse that’s run by a bunch of cats? A cat-house!
38. A ship captain sees a light in the distance and tells his signalman to send this message “Alter your course 10 degrees south.” The reply comes back: “You alter your course 10 degrees north.” Angry, the captain signals back “I’m a navy captain. Alter your course south, I order you.” The reply flashes back immediately “I’m a lighthouse. Your call.”
39. An inexperienced captain is making his first journey to a lighthouse to get familiar with the area. He spots a light in the distance and tells his first mate “Head directly for that flash!” The first mate replies “No sir, that’s not the lighthouse, that’s just a buoy.”
40. Why was the lighthouse sad when its bulb went out? It was feeling a little light-headed and wanted someone it could shine on.
41. How does a lighthouse find true love? It shines its light until it finds the perfect beam match!
42. What do you call a lighthouse that falls in love with another lighthouse? A light couple!
43. Why don’t lighthouses get fed up with chasing their dreams? Because they love the thrill of the chase lights!
44. Why don’t lighthouses ever have trouble falling asleep? They know how to switch their beams off at night!
45. What’s a lighthouse’s least favorite nut? The cashew – because it’s quite light on nuts.
46. Where do baby lighthouses come from? The beacon and the birds!
47. How does a lighthouse party? It turns up its beams and lights the place up!
48. Why was the lighthouse voted prom king? It always lit up the room with its glowing personality.
49. Why are lighthouses the best dancers? They know how to rock the boat without tipping it over.
50. How do lighthouses stay connected? Through their intercoastal friendships.
51. Why was the lighthouse so supportive when its friend wanted to start a business? It wanted to shine a light on their idea!
52. What’s a pirate’s least favorite lighthouse? One that’s always blowing the alarm and signaling navy ships!
53. Why do lighthouses hate hot weather? It makes them sweat buckets!
54. What do you call two lighthouses that collide? A light wreck!
55. What do you get if you cross a lighthouse and a skyscraper? A high light!
56. Why don’t lighthouses take vacations? They can never fully get away because their work always follows them!
57. What did the lighthouse say to the overconfident ship? Don’t get too cocky, I’ve seen boats bigger than you sink.
58. Why does the lighthouse have a siren instead of a doorbell? So it can make sure ships can sea it coming from a distance!
59. Why do lighthouses always seem optimistic? Because they like to look on the bright side!
60. What’s a lighthouse’s favorite day of the week? Frideigh – because they get to light up the night sky!
