Cleaning Puns
1. I was going to clean my windows but I couldn’t see the point.
2. My friend asked me to help her organize her cleaning supplies. I told her to keep calm and carry on.
3. The janitor started a band called Mop n’ Glo. Their music really cleans up.
4. I entered my house into a cleaning contest but it didn’t win any prizes. It seems my place wasn’t up to sweepstakes standards.
5. My roommate says I’m addicted to cleaning. That’s just soap opera drama if you ask me.
6. I was going to tell a joke about dust, but it’s too dirty.
7. Did you hear about the guy who stole a calendar? He got 12 months.
8. The janitor decided to quit his job because it was just sweeping him away.
9. I was going to tell a cleaning joke, but it was a bit dingy.
10. Did you hear about the mobster that was put on trial for cleaning evidence? They said he made a clean getaway.
11. Want to hear a dirty joke? The janitor mopped the floor.
12. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies!
Cleaning One-Liners
13. Mops and brooms will be the death of me.
14. Cleaning is just putting stuff in less obvious places.
15. I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy saving mode.
16. Cleaning tip: stack papers neatly before throwing them all in the trash.
17. Cleanliness is next to impossible.
18. My idea of cleaning is stuffing everything into the closet.
19. Clean while the kids are still in college.
20. I don’t do laundry, I’m a closet minimalist.
21. Ever notice how everything you have to clean is 90% grout?
22. I’m not a hoarder, I’m curating a collection.
Best Cleaning Jokes
23. I asked my daughter if she’d cleaned her room. She said, “Why? I’m going to mess it up again.” I told her that was no excuse and she couldn’t go out until her room was clean. She said, “Look, I made my bed, I did something. Let’s build on that.”
24. My wife just found out I replaced our bedsheets with the ones from the hotel we stayed at. She was livid and told me I better wash them before she gets home. So I’m doing a load now and should probably make the bed before she gets back. Man, I really need to clean up my act.
25. After my wife had gone to bed, I decided to wash the dishes. As I was cleaning the kitchen, I accidentally knocked over the broom and it fell with a loud clatter. My wife shouted from upstairs, “What was that?” I said, “Don’t worry honey, I’m just cleaning up a bit.” She said, “It’s about time, this place is always a mess!”
26. I was vacuuming the stairs the other day when I slipped and tumbled all the way down. When I finally came to a stop, I just laid there groaning. That’s when my wife leaned over me and said, “While you’re down there, you might as well vacuum the living room.”
27. I was cleaning out my closet when I came across my old vacuum cleaner. As soon as I plugged it in, memories started flooding back. It was like I’d never left – it still sucked.
28. My therapist told me I need to stop sanitizing and disinfecting everything in my life and focus on the people in it. But if you ask me, some relationships could really use a good wipe down.
29. I was cleaning out my attic over the weekend and found my high school yearbook. As I flipped through the pages, I kept wondering – why did I want to remember these people?
30. Did you hear about the guy who was fired from his job cleaning mirrors? He just wasn’t seeing his reflections clearly.
31. My wife asked me to clean out the attic this weekend. I said sure, I’ll sweep it under the rug.
32. What did the janitor say when he came out of the closet? Supplies!
33. Did you hear about the criminal on the run who disguised himself as a janitor? Police are on the lookout for his clean getaway.
34. I was going to tell my housecleaner a joke about dusting, but I figured it would just go in one ear and out the other.
35. Why is Cinderella so bad at cleaning the castle? Because she always leaves at midnight.
36. Did you hear about the janitor who stepped down from his job? He just couldn’t sweep any more floors.
37. Why are spiders such good housekeepers? Because they are expert dusters.
38. Did you hear about the janitor who walked into a bar and asked for a drink? The bartender said, “Sorry, we don’t serve spirits here.”
39. What’s the best way to clean blinds? With a window cleaner.
40. How do you organize a space party? You planet.
41. The cleaner asked if he could vacuum the dark void. His manager said, “Make it so, Number One.”
42. Why don’t janitors ever win hide and seek? They’re always found within a broom’s sweep.
43. What happened to the janitor who fell into the industrial blender? He was completely floored.
44. Did you hear about the janitor who got fired for sleeping on the job? He needed to clean up his act.
45. Why do janitors make bad dancers? They have two left sweeps.
46. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.
47. How did the janitor feel after he cleaned the floors? Swept away.
48. What did one toilet say to the other? You look a bit flushed.
49. Why was the broom late for work? It overswept!
50. How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.
51. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies!
52. I asked my plumber to come unclog my toilet for the 100th time. He said no problem, he’s used to dealing with number two.
53. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.
