August Puns
1. I’m so glad it’s August. The other months are just inse-cure in comparison.
2. My friend got mad at me when I said August was the best month. I guess he just couldn’t handle the truth.
3. I asked August to prom but sadly it said no. I guess I’ll just have to wait til next year.
4. August really gets me pumped. The other months just make me feel de-pressed.
5. I tried to August for advice but it just brushed me off. I guess the silent treat-meant is par for the course.
6. I wanted to bake August a cake for its birthday, but it turns out months don’t have those. What a waisted effort on my part!
7. I heard a rumor that August was seeing July behind June’s back. Sounds like quite the summer drama if you ask me!
8. August always complains about being too hot. Maybe it should stop being such a drama queen.
9. August tried to tell me it was the best month but I shut that down real quick. Don’t try to pull a fast one on me!
10. I wanted to take August on a date but didn’t know what we could do together. I guess I’ll have to brainstorm ideas.
August One-Liners
11. August is like the Sunday of months – so close to the end but so far.
12. They say August is the hottest month, but have they met me?
13. August is just July pretending to be September.
14. August: almost fall but still so far.
15. Roses are red, the heat is oppressive, August just makes me more depressive.
16. August is like the middle seat on an airplane – stuck between two better options.
17. August: the winter of summer months.
18. August: too hot to go outside, too boring to stay in.
19. August trying to be interesting is like watching paint dry in slow motion.
20. August is the fruitcake of months – no one really wants it but it keeps coming back.
Best August Jokes
21. My friend invited me to an August-themed party, which was weird because August is just a regular month. I decided to humor her and showed up with a half-deflated beach ball and a desk fan. No one else came. That’s the last time I trust her party ideas.
22. I tried to break up with August but it just wouldn’t listen. It insisted we were meant to be together forever. Things finally ended after I got a restraining order.
23. I went to my doctor and told him I was feeling particularly unmotivated this August. He listened thoughtfully before whipping out his prescription pad and writing “Try again in September.” Gotta love that guy’s dry sense of humor.
24. My friends wanted to go on vacation in August, but I had to put my foot down. “If it’s not a major holiday month, I’m not going!” I declared. Now we happily vacation every August, celebrating the holy festival of the end of summer.
25. August came crying to me, complaining that no one likes it as much as May or October. I consoled August and said, “It’s okay, you’re still the 8th best month.” August cried harder.
26. I asked August how its day was going. “Oh, you know, just August things,” it replied. I waited for more, but August had already checked out of the conversation. Sounds about right.
27. August pouted when I told it I was going to start seeing other months behind its back. “But August is the best month for romance!” it insisted. “Sorry August, but your charm wore off after the first 2 weeks,” I replied. August reluctantly walked away, defeated once again.
