Vegetable Puns 1. What do you call an unhappy pea? Miserable. 2. Why was the cucumber depressed? Because it was in a pickle. 3. Why don’t oysters share their pearls? Because they’re shellfish. 4. What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta. 5. Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable. 6. …
Random Jokes
Van Gogh Puns 1. I heard Van Gogh recently got into gardening. People say he has quite the green ear. 2. Did you hear about Van Gogh’s new exhibit on floral arrangements? Critics say it’s breathtaking bou-ket. 3. I asked Van Gogh if he wanted to hear a joke about impressionist art. He said, “I’m …
Vasectomy Puns (15) 1. What do you call a man who just had a vasectomy? Snip and clip! 2. Why was the man sore after his vasectomy? The doctor really gave his tubes a tying! 3. I asked my friend how his vasectomy went. He said, “It was nuts!” 4. After my vasectomy, the doctor …
Vampire Puns 1. What do vampires do when they want to relax? They get their dead on. 2. Why are vampires so easy to fool? Because they’re suckers. 3. Why did the vampire read the Wall Street Journal? He heard it had great circulation. 4. Why don’t vampires go to barbecues? They don’t like steak. …
United Kingdom Puns 1. I heard there’s a new restaurant in London that serves European food. The reviews say it’s pretty Grate Britain. 2. What do you call tea that’s been spilled all over the floor? A British mess. 3. Why don’t ants get lost in England? They use the Royal Milestones. 4. Why did …
Uhaul Puns 1. I wanted to rent a Uhaul truck, but they were all booked up. It was an unfor-truck-nate situation. 2. I was hoping to move into my new place today, but the Uhaul I reserved got stalled. I guess my move will just have to truck on without it. 3. When I returned …
UFO Puns 1. I heard NASA is working on a new UFO detector. They say it has unidentified flying object-recognition technology. 2. Did you hear about the new UFO with wifi capabilities? It’s called the Unidentified Flying Router. 3. Why don’t UFOs need headlights? Because the flying saucers are already lit! 4. What do you …
Twitter Puns I tried to come up with a Twitter pun but 140 characters wasn’t enough. What do you call Twitter in Germany? Twitler. Want to hear a joke about Twitter? Sorry, it’s too long—I’ll have to tweet it in parts. Did you hear about the new Twitter birdhouse? It allows birds to tweet anytime …
TV Show Puns 1. I heard Netflix is coming out with a new show about fonts. It’s called Sans of Anarchy. 2. Why did the TV show about math get canceled after one episode? It had too many problems. 3. I tried to watch a show about painting but it was a little derivative. 4. …
Tutu Puns 1. I heard they’re making a movie about ballet dancers. It’s called Two Two Too Tutu. 2. What do you call a tutu that’s too tight? Can’t Can’t Dance in This. 3. Why was the ballerina fired from the dance company? She kept tutu-rning up late. 4. I wanted to wear a tutu …