Laundry Puns (10)
1. I’m so good at laundry that they call me the spin doctor.
2. My friend got injured at the laundromat. He said it was a pressing issue.
3. I entered my laundry machine in a race. It was the washer cycle.
4. I brought my laundry to get dry cleaned. The employee said, “Press 1 for service.”
5. Ironing clothes is a pressing matter. If you don’t do it properly, you’ll have to learn the error of your ways.
6. I bought the extended warranty for my washing machine. It covers an additional 10 wash cycles.
7. My laundry detergent comes in a hexagonal bottle. It has great angle benefits.
8. There’s a new TV show about competitive ironing. It has a lot of pressing drama.
9. I’m no laundry expert but I know how to keep things on the down-low: use low heat when machine drying your clothes.
10. Laundry can be boring but look on the bright side: it’s a great opportunity to soak in some alone time.
Laundry One-Liners (10)
11. My washing machine plays dubstep music while running. That’s how it gets the sick wubs out of my clothes.
12. They say the clothes make the man. In my case, it’s the clothes that break the man – after being forced to fold my wife’s laundry.
13. My friend claims he once injured his arm reaching into the washing machine to grab a sock. Yeah right, pull the other one!
14. I entered the laundry room and noticed a huge pile of unfolded clothes. Time to bring order from the chaos.
15. Don’t cry over spilled laundry detergent. Unless you’re allergic, then cry all you need.
16. I was going to make a laundry pun, but decided to just let it slide.
17. My girlfriend asked me to fold the laundry. I categorically refused.
18. Laundry pro tip: Wash similar colors together so you don’t dye a little inside each time.
19. My washing machine plays an annoying melody when the cycle ends. It’s virtually impossible to get that dingy dingy dingy out of my head.
20. They say cleanliness is next to godliness. So doing laundry is like going to church, right?
Best Laundry Jokes (33)
21. I was halfway through doing laundry when I realized I had forgotten to add the detergent. I guess you could say I jumped the gun and missed my clean window.
22. My wife asked me to pre-treat a stain on her blouse before washing. Ironically, I ended up making an even bigger stain trying to get the original one out. Suffice to say, that shirt will now only see light of day on laundry day.
23. Did you hear about the guy who shrunk his favorite sweater in the wash? He was so upset that he cried and cried until it was wet. Then he dried it again and it shrunk even more.
24. I was folding laundry when I came across a shirt I didn’t recognize. When I asked my wife about it, she accused me of cheating. Turns out it was just my shirt from a few years and 20 pounds ago.
25. Why are laundry workers so good at kicking field goals? They spend all day practicing their punting while folding sheets.
26. My wife asked me to take her place doing laundry since she wasn’t feeling well. After accidentally turning our whites pink and shrinking my favorite shirt, I’ve gained a new appreciation for all the hard work she puts in around the house.
27. Did you hear about the ghost who haunted laundromats? He was a poltergiest.
28. I recently switched laundry detergents and immediately noticed an increase in static cling. Seems I made a poor fabric softener decision.
29. My wife yelled at me today for mixing the whites with the colors in the laundry. In my defense, I’m color blind.
30. Our washing machine broke so I had to take my clothes to a laundromat. Turns out my outfit wasn’t acceptable according to their strict dress code.
31. Why don’t eggs tell jokes while doing laundry? They’d rather crack up than dye laughing.
32. Did you hear about the man who got trapped inside a laundromat washing machine? He was just going for a quick tumble dry.
33. I recently applied to work at an industrial laundry facility but didn’t get the job. The manager said he saw right through me and I wasn’t the right fit for press-ing business needs.
34. Did you hear about the man who injured himself while reaching into the dryer? He strained his shoulder trying to grab a stray sock.
35. Why do laundry workers get paid so much? Because they bring home big bucks – laundry bucks that is!
36. Did you hear about the hungry laundry machine? It kept eating socks because it needed more quarters.
37. I caught my roommate trying to sneakily add his laundry into my machine load. While I appreciate the effort to save water, losing half my closet to accidental pink socks makes me hesitant to share any more loads.
38. Why don’t eggs tell laundry jokes? They prefer to crack themselves up.
39. I entered my laundry machine in a 10k marathon. It did great in the wash cycle but slowed down during the spin.
40. Did you hear about the man who lost an argument with his laundry machine? He’s still sore about it but at least his clothes came out clean.
41. I was folding laundry when I came across a bed sheet with a huge ink stain on it. Talk about a blot on my record.
42. Laundry tip: While sorting, shake out clothes for any loose change. Not only will you find some spare cash, you’ll also look like a backup dancer!
43. Did you hear about the frustrated laundry worker? He was tired of feeling pressed for time.
44. I entered my laundry machine into a swimming competition but unfortunately it only knows freestyle, not backstroke.
45. Make sure to read the laundry symbols on your clothes tags. You don’t want your 100% cotton t-shirt to end up 100% ruined.
46. I couldn’t figure out how to work the new fancy laundromat machine so I asked the employee for help. He said, “No prob, lemme walk you through the wash cycle.”
47. Did you hear about the laundry machine that went rogue? It was determind to take over the world one load at a time.
48. I was halfway through laundry when the machine started violently shaking. Turns out I forgot to take my keys out of my jeans.
49. I entered my laundry machine in a baking contest. It didn’t win, though. Too much starch in the spin cycle.
50. Laundry fact: The average person will spend a cumulative 4 months of their life waiting for the spin cycle to end.
51. I caught my son trying to sneak out of doing his laundry. When I called him out, he folded immediately.
52. Make sure to always separate and fold your laundry right away. Otherwise you’ll find yourself drowning in a deep pile of mixed up clothes asking, “Where did I go wrong?”
53. I’m so good at laundry and folding techniques, my friends call me Marie Kondo with the flow.