Ears Puns (24)
1. I’m all ears when it comes to listening to music. My ears are glued to the speakers!
2. My friend got his ears pierced to look cool, but everyone thought it was just a pier of trash.
3. The boxer’s ears were very cauliflowered after years in the ring. I guess you could say he was an ear of corn.
4. I was telling my friend a story but he wasn’t listening, he just had this glazed ear look.
5. The sailor had heard so many sea stories that his ears were literally ship shape.
6. I’m lending an ear to my friend who needs someone to listen to her problems. What are friends for?
7. Beethoven kept composing music even after he lost his hearing. I guess you could say he was composing by ear.
8. The ultrasound technician said our baby has healthy ears developing. I’m all ears to hear more good news!
9. I’m sick of my neighbor’s loud music. It’s like an earache that never ends.
10. As a kid I was all ears when grandpa told stories. His amazing tales went in one ear and out the other!
11. The ear doctor checked inside my ears today. He said wax buildup was clogging my ear canal.
12. Be careful boxing – getting hit too much can really damage your ears. No one wants a hearing aid before age 30!
13. Van Gogh cut off his own ear! Talk about having an ear for art.
14. I’m sick of my neighbor’s yappy dog. That mutt is always bending my ear.
15. After wearing headphones all day, my ears feel stuffed up. I need to give them a rest.
16. I’m sick of my chatty coworker who is always chewing my ear off at lunch. Doesn’t he know I’m on a break?
17. My ears were ringing all day after the loud concert last night. Too much amplified music is brutal on your hearing.
18. That candidate says whatever people want to hear – he really has his ear to the ground.
19. Dogs have such expressive ears. My puppy’s ears always perk up when she hears the treat bag rustling.
20. I tuned my guitar by ear today and it actually stayed in key! My ear for music must be improving.
21. My ear caught part of the neighbors’ conversation through the thin apartment walls. I wasn’t eavesdropping, I swear!
22. That musician has perfect pitch – she can tune her instrument just by using her finely tuned ear.
23. My dog cocked his ear when he heard the mail truck coming down the street. His hearing is so acute!
24. Be careful using those earbud headphones – you can damage your hearing blasting music straight into your ear canal.
Ears One-Liners (23)
25. My ears were burning – someone must be talking about me!
26. Lend me your ear and I’ll tell you a secret.
27. Ears wide open when opportunity knocks.
28. My ears are still ringing from the club last night!
29. I’m all ears when you need someone to listen.
30. Clean ears hear everything.
31. Stop yanking my ear, Mom!
32. That music is like ear candy.
33. My dog’s radar ears heard the treat bag crinkling from the other room.
34. Stop nagging me – I’m deaf in this ear!
35. Lend a sympathetic ear to a friend in need.
36. My ears are still ringing from the loud explosions in that action movie!
37. Yelling into my bad ear won’t help – just talk normally.
38. Quit pulling my ear, kid! I’m not an elephant.
39. Clean ears please – no yelling!
40. My dog’s ears always perk up when he hears the word “walk.”
41. Don’t go sticking anything smaller than your elbow in your ear!
42. You have to have an ear for music to pick up all the subtle notes.
43. My ear has been itching all day – someone must be talking about me.
44. lending a sympathetic ear can really help a friend in need.
45. Dogs have such expressive ears – you can tell how they’re feeling.
46. Clean ears hear more.
47. Quit pulling my ears kid, I’m not the Tooth Fairy!
Best Ears Jokes (47)
48. A man with hearing problems went to the doctor. The doctor said, “Can you describe the symptoms?” The man said, “Homer sometimes has a yellow skin and lives in Springfield.”
49. Why don’t elephants like to play cards in the jungle? Because there are too many cheetahs!
50. What sits on a pirate’s shoulders and calls, “Pieces of eight, pieces of eight”? A parrot with a blockage in its ear.
51. What did the left ear say to the right ear? Between you and me, something smells!
52. Did you hear about the elephants who went on a safari and got poached? It was in-earsane!
53. Why don’t mummies take vacations? They’re afraid they’ll relax and unwind!
54. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space!
55. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
56. Waiter: Would you like some earwax in your salad? Customer: Ew, no! Waiter: My apologies, I thought you said “olives.”
57. Why was the broom late for work? It overswept!
58. What do you call someone with a rubber toe? Roberto!
59. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired!
60. What did one wall say to the other wall? I’ll meet you at the corner!
61. Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels!
62. Why do birds fly south for the winter? It’s too far to walk!
63. What do you get when you cross a rabbit with shellfish? An oyster bunny!
64. Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll!
65. Why did the coach go to the bank? To get his quarter back!
66. Doctor: I’m sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live. Patient: What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!” Doctor: Nine.
67. Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I’m not going to spread it!
68. Someone stole my Microsoft Office and they’re gonna pay. You have my Word!
69. What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus!
70. Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team? She ran away from the ball!
71. What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y!
72. Did you hear about that new broom? It’s sweeping the nation!
73. I used to have an ear piercing in high school but I let it go. The teacher told me I had an ear for trouble and my mom said I needed to turn a deaf ear to negative influences. In the end I decided piercings weren’t my cup of tea and took it out to keep the peace.
74. When I was a kid, I had such big ears that I could hear conversations through walls. It was great for eavesdropping until I got my ear twisted for listening in on my sister. Eventually my ears evened out, but to this day loud noises still hurt my ears. I tell people my superpower is advanced hearing, but my kryptonite is heavy metal.
75. I’ll never forget the time I got my first pair of earmuffs. It was the middle of winter and my ears always used to get so cold walking to school. For my birthday I opened up a box with big fluffy earmuffs inside. I put them on and walked through the snow with my ears finally feeling warm and cozy. That night I even kept them on while I slept! From then on whenever I wore those earmuffs, I remembered the joy of that cold winter birthday.
76. When I adopted my dog, he was so scared that his ears would droop and his tail would go between his legs whenever I came near him. I knew he must have had a tough life before, so I made it my mission to earn his trust. I started by sitting on the floor and letting him come over to sniff me whenever he wanted. Then I would gently pet him while speaking softly and slipping him treats. It took many months, but finally one day his ears perked up when he saw me coming. His tail started wagging wildly and he ran over for pets and cuddles. Seeing him so happy made all that time and effort worth it. Now those perky ears and wagging tail greet me every day when I come home.
77. As a scuba diver, I rely on my ears to equalize pressure under water. During one dive to a deep reef, I started feeling discomfort and realized my ears weren’t equalizing properly. I signaled to ascend but the pain just grew worse. By the time we surfaced, my ears were ringing badly. The doctor later diagnosed barotrauma that would take weeks to heal. Ever since that day, I’m vigilant about equalizing and won’t go deeper than 30 feet without checking my ears. When diving, good ears make all the difference between an amazing experience and a traumatic injury.
78. When I told my friend I was getting my ears pierced, she tried to talk me out of it. She said it was dangerous to pierce cartilage with a needle and I could get seriously infected. But I had wanted earrings for so long, I decided to just go for it. At the mall kiosk, I squeezed my eyes shut as they pushed the sterilized needle through. It stung for a second but was nowhere near as bad as my friend described. They inserted the starter stud and I had my first piercing. My friend did end up being partially right though. One ear got infected and I had to take special care of it for weeks. But in the end, I’m glad I got to decorate my ears the way I wanted. Just with some extra antiseptic wash.
79. As a young nurse, I was assisting a doctor in removing a cockroach that had crawled into a patient’s ear. We tried flushing it out with water but it was wedged deep inside the canal. Finally the doctor was able to extract it with tweezers as I suctioned out water and earwax. I’ll never forget the look of relief on the man’s face when that bug came out. Comforting squeamish patients has always come naturally to me. But nothing prepared me for fishing a roach out of someone’s head! We all had a good laugh about it afterward and I earned my wings that day as an unflappable nurse.
80. When I visited the Van Gogh museum, I was most moved by seeing the actual ear he cut off in person. Severed and shriveled in a case, it looked like a fleshy dried apricot. Our tour guide explained that mental illness likely compelled Van Gogh to mutilate himself in a fit. We can only speculate on the personal demons that haunted him. Staring into that little glass case, I felt overwhelmed by the suffering this great artist endured for his craft. But also inspired by his perseverance to create beauty despite – or perhaps because of – his pain. That tragic souvenir still echoes with his passionate spirit.
81. As a classical musician, I have spent a lifetime cultivating my ear for music. But when my hearing started declining in my 50s, I became depressed about having to give up playing. My doctor suggested hearing aids but I refused, fearing they would alter the true tones. Eventually the silence became unbearable and I conceded to trying the newest digital pair. To my amazement, I heard music with nearly the same nuance as my younger ears. I wept the first time I could play my cello with joyful expression again. Don’t let pride rob you of the gifts technology can give. With an open ear, there is always hope.
82. Michelangelo once said that inside every block of stone lies a hidden statue waiting to be released. As a sculptor chipping away, I search for the emerging life in my material. Rotating the damp clay, my fingers probe for symmetry and curves wanting to emerge. Something between the intention and the accident reveals itself from engagement. Possibilities whisper. Turning my ear to the potential, I gently free the figure yearning to be born.
83. As a small child, Dumbo’s oversized ears caused him to be ostracized by all except his mother. When cruelly separated from her, he suffered under the mockery and goading. But an unlikely friend saw beyond the prominent ears and recognized Dumbo’s kind heart. With encouragement, Dumbo discovered his ears could enable him to fly, his best quality lifting him higher than anyone imagined. The very trait deemed shameful became the source of his greatest joy and success. We all have elements that make us feel awkward and different. Within them may lay the seeds of our fulfillment, if given love and nourishment.
84. As a firefighter, I rely on my hearing to stay alert when entering burning buildings and responding to calls. The tone of cracking wood and structural creaks warns me when a collapse is imminent. Muffled voices may signal someone trapped needing rescue. My radio crackles with critical updates and orders. At the station, I sleep with an ear open, ready to spring into action when the alarms sound. My hearing is constantly attuned to any sound that may signify danger or someone in distress. My crew knows that when I say I’ve got good ears on a scene, I’m making sure everyone stays safe. Good hearing can save lives.
85. For Van Gogh, severing his own ear to give to a woman represented the height of romantic devotion, even if unhinged. As an ultimate act of love, he offered up that which allows him to hear both the beauty and pain of the world. Loss of that part of himself was meant as proof that he would eternally listen to the woman’s desires and comfort above all else. Though she rejected his dramatic gesture, it captures the visceral lengths we might go to for quixotic passions. Whether sensible or not, Van Gogh replicates how love can feel like surrendering a vital piece of oneself to another.
86. As soon as the car stopped, my dog’s ears perked up, swiveling like satellite dishes to locate the park. Before the engine even cooled, his face was plastered to the half-open window, enormous ears maping the sounds of his canine heaven. I hadn’t even unbuckled my seatbelt before