Chairs + Puns (10)
- What do you call a chair that’s afraid of heights? An acro-phobic!
- Why was the chair embarrassed? It saw the table’s legs!
- Why are chairs always so positive? They have such uplifting seats!
- What did the dad chair say to the baby chair? You’ve grown up stool fast!
- Did you hear about the musical chair trio? Yeah, they were quite the seat band!
- Why do chairs make such great comedians? Because they have funny recliners!
- How do chairs get from point A to point B? On their wheelchairs!
- Which type of chair is super flexible? Yoga mats!
- Why was the lounge chair put in time out? It was being too lazy!
- What kind of chair is great at karate? A high kickstool!
Chairs + One-liners (10)
- This chair is so uncomfortable, it must have been made by IKEAin’t.
- My chair and I have one thing in common: we both hate it when people sit on us.
- I asked my chair how its day was, but it didn’t respond back—looks like it’s still stool-len.
- I caught my chair sneaking out last night—looks like it had a secret reclining.
- I was going to tell a joke about chairs, but I decided to take a seat instead.
- My chair’s feeling down because it has imposter’s swivel.
- This chair is so wobbly, you’d think it just learned how to walk.
- My chair said it felt empty inside—I think it needs some cushioning.
- This chair is duller than watching wood glue dry.
- What do you call a chair with no legs? Not stand-up comedy.
Best Chairs Jokes (33)
1. A man went to visit his friend who had broken his leg. When he walked in the door, he saw his friend sitting in a rocking chair and a pillow underneath his cast. “Why do you have a pillow under there?” he asked. “The doctor said it would help elevate my leg to reduce swelling,” replied his friend. The man shook his head and said, “That won’t do anything. You need four chair legs for elevation!”
2. My son came home from school upset one day. When I asked what happened, he said, “I got in trouble for something I didn’t even do!” Puzzled, I asked him to explain. He said, “My teacher asked who could name the furniture in her classroom. I said, ‘Four chairs, three desks, and Miss Johnson’s thighs!'”
3. I recently bought twelve identical dining room chairs. After bringing them home, I labeled them 1 to 12 so we knew how to arrange them around the table. Unfortunately, my wife didn’t appreciate my labeling system. She prefers to just call them all by one name—Dave.
4. I was at a furniture store testing out recliners when an employee came up to me and said, “Sir, you need to get up—we’re closing now.” I looked him dead in the eyes and replied, “I will literally die in this chair before getting up.”
5. My wife has been hinting that she wants a nice armchair for her birthday. I think what she really wants is a divorce.
6. I was sitting in a chair waiting room once when I suddenly had an existential crisis. I thought, “What if this chair is all there is? What if life is just an endless loop of sitting in this chair in this empty room?” Then the dentist called my name and I snapped out of it.
7. What do you call someone who barges into your home and starts inspecting all your chairs? An intrusive upholstery.
8. My wife asked me to reglue one of the chair legs that had come loose. I said, “Okay, but just let me chair-ish this moment a little longer.”
9. Did you hear about the guy who got crushed by a pile of chairs? He’s in stable condition now.
10. I entered a giveaway where the prize was a lifetime supply of chairs. Man, I really hope I win. It would be such a weight off my shoulders.
11. Why don’t sharks attack chairs? Professional curtesy.
12. What do you call an argument between two chairs? A heated debate.
13. Why was the chair angry after its checkup? Because the doctor said it had a weak back.
14. Why can’t chairs tell jokes while they’re working? Because they have to be professional.
15. What do you call a chair that wanders off? A roaming stool.
16. Why did the chair lose its job as a judge? It had trouble making fair rulings.
17. Did you hear about the team of superhero chairs who fight crime? They call themselves The Recliners.
18. Why don’t you ever see baby chairs? Because they haven’t been born yet, they’re still in the womb chair!
19. What do you call a chair that’s been outside too long? Patio furniture.
20. Why was the rocking chair so restless? It just couldn’t sit still.
21. Did you hear about the chair who did stand up comedy? It killed.
22. Why are chairs so nosy? Because they’re always getting in people’s business.
23. Why was Cinderella kicked off her chair? Because she missed her curfew.
24. What did the chair say to the table? Don’t move, I’ve got your back.
25. Why do chairs make great detectives? Because they always crack the case.
26. Did you hear about the new restaurant called Chair-Eokee? It’s a fun place to sit and sing.
27. Why don’t chairs ever win hide and seek? Because they can’t stay on their feet.
28. What do you call a chair that’s been knighted? Sir Seat.
29. Why was the chair crying? It was going through an emotional seat.
30. Did you hear about the chair who did jail time? He was convicted of armed robbery.
31. Why do chairs always pay their bills on time? Because they don’t want to get repossessed.
32. What do you call a chair with four broken legs? Unavailable for sitting.
33. Why do chairs make great judges? Because they have a lot of sentencing experience.