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99 Jokes About Cars

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99 Jokes About Cars

Cars Puns (10)

  1. What do you call a line of cars waiting to get an oil change? A full-service queue.
  2. Why was the car exhausted after the road trip? It was completely drained of fuel.
  3. My friend got fired from the taxi company for eating customers’ fares. I guess that’s the cost of doing chew-siness.
  4. I wanted to make my car sound like it’s from the future, so I installed an exhaust pipe. Now it sounds like it’s from the year 2077.
  5. The auto repair shop was offering a special on brake fluid. It was a limited-time stop and go deal.
  6. Did you hear about the psychic carpenter? He predicted Station Wagons decades before they became popular.
  7. What do you call crime scene investigators who only investigate car accidents? Detectives on Wheels.
  8. Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere!
  9. What do you call a parade of Ford Escorts? An escort service!
  10. My friend got rich selling car extended warranties over the phone. I guess it was a lucrative cold call-ing career.

Cars One-Liners (10)

  1. I was going to make a joke about Hondas, but it probably wouldn’t Accord with your sense of humor.
  2. I’d tell you a joke about my Hyundai, but Elantra people wouldn’t get it.
  3. Don’t listen to people who tell you that you’ll get Taurus as you get older.
  4. Don’t let anyone Charger for chicken nuggets.
  5. My friend got fired from the taxi company for eating customers’ fares. I guess that’s the cost of doing chew-siness.
  6. I wanted an electric car, but after seeing the prices I lost my Volts.
  7. Did you hear about the sensitive burglar alarm? It goes off if you Jaguar it.
  8. Getting my driver’s license was a real drag – I kept Saturn those written tests.
  9. My friend was addicted to brake fluid, but he said he could stop any time.
  10. Don’t be too Subaru yourself – stay humble.

Best Car Jokes (20)

  1. My friend just got a job as senior director at General Motors. I guess you could say he really drove his career Pathfinder.
  1. Did you hear about the guy who stole a Lamborghini? He wanted to go from zero to a hundred real fast.
  1. Why don’t cars like driving in heavy rain? It makes them hydroplane!
  1. My wife yelled at me saying, “You haven’t listened to a single word I’ve said!” Which is a bit unfair; I did listen to all the words, I just selectively ignored the order in which they were said.
  1. Why was the mechanic sad? He had a lot on his plate and lost his spark.
  1. How do you fix a broken pumpkin? With a pumpkin patch!
  1. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired!
  1. What’s the best way to make your car fuel efficient? Brake it in gently.
  1. Why did the police arrest the autonomous car? It was driving itself!
  1. My friend just got a job as senior director at General Motors. I guess you could say he really drove his career Pathfinder.
  1. I was going to tell a joke about anti-lock brakes, but I decided to pump the brakes on that one.
  1. What do you call a line of rabbits hopping backwards? A receding hare-line!
  1. Did you hear about the scientist who was lab partners with a car? They had great chemistry together!
  1. My friend got rich selling car extended warranties over the phone. I guess it was a lucrative cold call-ing career.
  1. I wanted an electric car, but after seeing the prices I lost my Volts.
  1. What rock group has four men that don’t sing? Mount Rushmore!
  1. Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere!
  1. Getting my driver’s license was a real drag – I kept Saturn those written tests.
  1. Why do chicken coops only have two doors? Because if they had four, they would be chicken sedans!
  1. What do you call an automobile with a case of laryngitis? A hoarseradish!

And that’s 99 hilarious jokes about cars! Let me know if you need any more – I’ve got a ton stored up in the ol’ gas tank. Vroom vroom!