Bug Puns (20)
- What do you call a bug that loves math? A math-ematician!
- Why don’t ants get sick? They have anty-bodies.
- Want to hear a joke about a bee? I’d tell you but you might get stung.
- What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind? A maybe.
- What do you call a praying mantis? A preying mantis.
- How does a spider communicate on the internet? Through the World Wide Web.
- Why don’t ants ever get into accidents? Because they look both ways before they cross the street.
- What do you call a lazy baby insect? A procra-stinator.
- Why don’t bugs ever oversleep? Because they always set their a-larms.
- What do you call a bee that dropped out of school? A bee-dropout.
- How do spiders get online? They log into the web.
- What happened to the bug who couldn’t pay his bills? His utilities got roached.
- What do you call a spell-casting insect? A hex-bug.
- How do fireflies start dating? They go on light dates.
- What do you call a nervous junebug? A worried beetle.
- What do you call a bug from outer space? An alien-sect.
- What do you call a clumsy stinkbug? A butter-fly.
- Why aren’t ants good at baseball? They’re afraid of the bats.
- What’s a spider’s favorite music? Web songs.
- Why did the ants dance wildly? Because they had ants in their pants.
Bug One-Liners (20)
- Roaches – they’re always crawling back to you.
- What’s the best thing about cockroach fights? There’s always someone in your corner.
- Mosquitos don’t bite me anymore, but I still get itchy around them – it must be the skeeters.
- I told my girlfriend we had bed bugs – she was so upset that she made me sleep on the couch for weeks.
- My friend saw a cockroach in her house and moved out the next day – talk about roach-phobia!
- I entered my pet dung beetle in a race – he was the favorite to win but ended up coming in #2.
- Did you hear about the angry hornet? He had a serious bee in his bonnet.
- I saw a spider building a web outside my window – he kept waving at me but I didn’t wave back because it would have been weird.
- My landlord tried to evict me for having termites but I sued him for discrimi-nation.
- I accidentally swallowed a bug once and it gave me the worst case of the hee-bee jeebees.
- Did you hear about the clumsy stinkbug who was always falling over things? Yeah, poor little butter-fly.
- My friend saw a spider in the corner and asked me to kill it – I said no, I prefer peaceful coex-ist-ants.
- Ants love going to dinner parties at my place – I always serve tiny hors d’oeuvres.
- I entered my pet glow worm into a lightbulb competition but he was too dim to win.
- I ordered 100 lady bugs online thinking my garden would look nice but it was just infested.
- Cockroaches get such a bad rap but they actually make great pets – they’re clean, quiet and low maintenance.
- Spiders could knit the coolest webs but they only know how to make nets.
- Did you hear about the hungry mosquito who drank so much blood she got a fat belly? Yeah, she had a blood gut.
- Bed bugs are so clingy – they just suck the life out of you.
- My friend asked to borrow money but I found out he had fleas so I said no whey.
Best Bug Jokes (18)
-
- A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a free drink. The bartender says “I’ll give you a free drink if you can tell me something amazing.”The man points to the corner of the bar and says “You see that guy with the huge head? He’s got a beetle up his nose!”
The bartender looks astonished and says “Wow, how do you know?”
The man replies “Here’s the amazing part – I put it up there three years ago.”
- A cockroach walks into a bar and says to the bartender “I have an amazing talent, wanna see me moonwalk across your bar top?”The bartender is skeptical but says “Sure, let’s see it.”
The cockroach dances across the bar in a perfect moonwalk as the customers cheer. When he gets to the end, the bartender says “That was amazing! How did you learn to moonwalk so well?”
The cockroach replies “It all started years ago in this restaurant kitchen…”
- A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a free drink. The bartender says “I’ll give you a free drink if you can tell me something amazing.”The man points to the corner of the bar and says “You see that guy with the huge head? He’s got a beetle up his nose!”
- Three flies are having a drink at a bar. The first fly says “You’ll never believe this, but I was pooping on a sandwich and this guy came along and ATE it!”
The other two flies gasp and the second fly says “That’s crazy! Just yesterday I was pooping on some hot dogs and the guy grilling them came and flipped them over!
The third fly says “That’s nothing. I was pooping on some donuts, and a cop came along and dipped them in his COFFEE.”
- Why don’t ants get sick?
Because they have little anty bodies.
Why don’t flies get sick either?
Because they have fly swatters.
- A spider builds a beautiful web and waits patiently for weeks to catch some prey. Finally, a fly zooms into the web and gets stuck.
“Gotcha!” says the spider. He descends, wraps the fly in silk, and bites him.
As the venom takes effect, the fly lets out his last words: “Yep, that oughta do it.” Then he dies.
The spider is shocked. How could this tiny fly speak English? And how did it know it was going to die? He thought only big animals could understand concepts like death.
The spider crawls all the way back up to his web and resettles himself, shaking his head. A few hours later, another fly gets caught in the web.
“Aha,” thinks the spider. “I’m going to prove my sanity after all.” He rappels down and bites the fly. As the venom takes effect, the fly whines:
“Owwww! Am I going to die???”
To which the spider replies: “Yep, that oughta do it.”
- A firefly desperately needed a place to stay for the night. He flew up to a front porch and knocked on the door, hoping the homeowners would let him in.
The husband opened the door and said, “Sorry, we don’t give rooms to insects.”
The firefly pleaded, “Please have a heart. All I need is a place to rest.”
Seeing how desperate he was, the wife said to her husband, “Oh come on dear, he’s just a harmless little bug. Let’s let him stay for one night.”
The husband reluctantly agreed and the firefly thanked them profusely before they shut the door.
About an hour later, the couple heard a loud screaming coming from the firefly’s room. They burst in and found the firefly curled up in a ball.
“What’s going on??” asked the wife.
The firefly was shaking and said, “There’s a monster in my room! It came out of nowhere and started flashing lights at me!”
The husband went over to investigate and started chuckling. He said, “Don’t worry little guy, that’s just your nightlight.”
- Why don’t ants get sick?
Because they have anty-bodies!
Why don’t moths get sick?
Because they eat moth-balls!
Why don’t spiders get sick?
Because they take fly-agra!
Why don’t stinkbugs get sick?
Because they take beetle-juice!
Why don’t caterpillars get sick?
Because they take cater-pillars!
- A centipede walks into a shoe shop one day. He goes up to the clerk and says “I need some shoes with lots of toe room.”
The clerk brings him a few options to try on. The centipede puts on the first pair, frowns and says “These cramp my toes too much. I need more toe room.”
This pattern repeats with several more shoes until the centipede gets frustrated. He says “Can’t you bring me anything with more toe room?”
Finally, the clerk grabs a dozen shoes and lines them up end to end. “Try this” he says.
The centipede looks puzzled but tries walking up and down the line of shoes. He smiles and says “Perfect! I’ll take them.”
- Why don’t ants get sick?
Because they have little anty bodies!
Why don’t spiders get sick?
Because they take web-md!
Why don’t stink bugs get sick?
Because they take beetle juice!
Why don’t fireflies get sick?
Because they take light doses of medicine!
- A group of fireflies were hanging out one night when one firefly’s light started dimming. His friend turned to him and said “Dude, your bulb is looking pretty burnt out.”
The dim firefly shrugged and said “Yeah, guess I don’t have the brightest outlook.”
- A cockroach walked into a bar and said to the bartender, “Gimme a beer.” The bartender said, “We don’t serve bugs here.”
The cockroach left and returned a few minutes later wearing a tiny trench coat. “Gimme a beer,” he said again.
The bartender leaned down, ripped off the trench coat and said, “Hey, I know you – you’re that roach from before!”
The cockroach shook his tiny fist and yelled, “The name’s Raoul!”
- Why don’t bed bugs ever make their beds?
Because they sleep tight!
Why don’t ants make their beds?
Because they sleep in colonies!
Why don’t spiders make their beds?
Because they sleep on the web!
Why don’t flies make their beds?
Because they’re always bugging people!
- What do you call a lazy fly?
A sloth-fly!
What do you call an athletic spider?
A jock-webbing nerd!
What do you call a partying ant?
A raver-migant!
What do you call a DJ beetle?
A turn-table!