What do you call a balloon that gets easily upset? A hot air balloon.
How does a balloon get around? On its helium copter.
Why was the balloon invited to the party? It adds to the atmosphere.
Why don’t balloons like ice cream? It gives them brain freeze!
What do you call an arrogant balloon? Full of hot air.
How do balloons travel in groups? In bunches.
How does a balloon stay young? It refuses to pop.
Why are balloons so optimistic? They’re full of helium!
What do you call a balloon that works out? A powerlifter.
Why don’t balloons fly well in the winter? Low air pressure.
How do balloons stay organized? They use party planners.
How do balloons keep warm? With a hot air blanket.
Why are balloons so good at karaoke? They have a lot of airplay.
Why don’t balloons go swimming? They can’t handle the water pressure.
How do balloons stay healthy? Plenty of air time.
What do you call a frozen balloon? On ice.
Why was the balloon so frustrated? It was filled with hot air.
How does a balloon get pumped up? By inflating its ego.
Balloons One-Liners (16)
I went to a party and the balloons kept following me around – I guess they found me very appealing!
Helium walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says “Sorry, we don’t serve noble gases here.” He doesn’t react.
I’m having an off day – even my balloon animal came out wrong.
I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious – I won’t go near balloons on Friday the 13th.
I took my balloons to the gym – they got totally pumped.
Balloons keep ending up in my house uninvited, it’s an uplifting experience.
I blew up a balloon and drew a face on it, now it’s my best friend.
Free balloon day was a surprise hit at the office, but productivity is now up in the air.
I told my balloon it could be anything it wanted when it grew up. It said “Thanks, but I’m happy just floating around aimlessly.”
I feel so deflated when balloons pop unexpectedly.
Balloons at a party are like wallflowers – colorful, but just kinda hanging around.
My job organizing balloon animals is really uplifting work.
Helium walks into a bar, The bartender says, “We don’t serve noble gases in here.” Helium doesn’t react.
I accidentally let go of a balloon once, it was a real let down.
Working in a balloon shop has its ups and downs.
When balloons fly away it’s always sad to see them go.
Best Balloons Jokes (30)
I took my son to the park to play with balloons the other day. He was having a great time, laughing and running around with a balloon in each hand. After a while, a strong gust of wind came along and blew one of the balloons out of his hand. He watched it fly away and immediately burst into tears. I gave him a hug and told him, “Don’t worry, son. I know it’s sad to see your balloon fly away, but sometimes you just have to let things go.”
My friend got frustrated trying to inflate a balloon and said, “This stupid balloon won’t inflate!” I told him to take a deep breath and calm down – getting all worked up just fills the balloon with hot air.
I was in charge of getting balloons for my niece’s 5th birthday party. I decided to stop at the dollar store to pick some up cheap. Well, you get what you pay for. By the time the party started, most of the balloons had already started sinking to the ground. My niece took one look and said, “These balloons are defective!” I told her, “No honey, they’re just a little depressed, that’s all.”
For April Fool’s day, I filled my wife’s car up with balloons as a prank. She was super mad when she got in and all the balloons started flying out the door. I thought it was hilarious, but she did not find it amusing at all. She’s still mad at me for thatballoon episode last year. I guess she has no sense of humor and thinks I’m just full of hot air.
Last weekend was my nieces 7th birthday party and she wanted it to have an air balloon theme. Her mom spared no expense. The house was decorated from floor to ceiling with colorful balloons. Of course, the kids were running and popping balloons the entire time. By the end, there were sad deflated balloons all over the floor. It looked like the balloons had more fun than the kids!
For my friend’s 30th birthday, we threw him a surprise party and got a helium tank to fill up balloons all over his apartment. We wanted balloons everywhere for when he walked in. It took hours to blow them all up! Right after we finished, his cat started jumping and batting all the balloons, popping them one by one. Within 5 minutes, balloons were sadly lying all over the floor. Moral of the story – cats hate balloons.
Last Fourth of July my neighbor decided to decorate his house with balloons for the holiday. He had red, white, and blue balloons all over his porch. As I was walking by, a huge gust of wind came along and swept half his balloons down the street! He started chasing after them yelling “Come back! My balloons!” I tried not to laugh while he desperately scrambled after his escaping balloons.
For my little cousin’s birthday, my aunt got her a huge helium balloon shaped like a unicorn. She loved it and carried it around everywhere. But later that day we were eating dinner, and all of sudden we heard a loud POP! My cousin had accidentally leaned over and popped the balloon on her fork. She was so upset she cried for an hour. We told her unicorns are supposed to fly away to magical lands after all.
Last Valentine’s Day I tried to do something romantic and got my girlfriend 100 heart-shaped balloons. I thought she would love coming home to a room filled with balloons. Turns out she is terrified of balloons and she freaked out. I felt awful as she had a panic attack with balloons bouncing everywhere. She made me pop them all before she would come inside. I am sticking with flowers next year.
My son wanted balloons for his birthday party more than anything. On the day of, we filled the living room with tons of colorful balloons. All the kids had a blast playing with them. At the end of the party, we realized we had no idea how to get them down. Those suckers stayed stuck on the ceiling for weeks! Every time we walked by, the sad deflated balloons would remind us of the chaotic party.
Last year on my birthday my coworkers decided to surprise me with balloons all over my office. As I walked in, they all yelled “Surprise!” – which caused me to yell and jump back in shock. This somehow set off a chain reaction of popping balloons around the room. Within 30 seconds, balloons were loudly bursting all around us. We ended up taking cover under desks to avoid flying balloon pieces. Gotta say – it’s a birthday I’ll never forget!
My son loves balloons more than anything. For his 7th birthday, he wanted lots of balloons. We spent hours blowing up at least 100 balloons all over the living room. He was thrilled! The party was going great until one girl got a balloon static shock. She started crying which set off a chain reaction. Soon every kid was hysterically popping balloons. When the chaos ended, it looked like a sad balloon graveyard. My son cried so hard but we told him the balloons had the best day ever.
Last weekend we celebrated my mom’s retirement with a big party. My dad got 500 balloons and filled their entire apartment while she was out. When she walked in, she was so surprised! Then their old overweight cat wandered out and his tail accidentally popped three balloons. This set off a huge chain reaction with balloons violently exploding everywhere. We ended up diving under tables and couches for cover from the balloon apocalypse. The cat was totally freaked out and the party was a literal bust.
I’ll never forget the time I tried to propose to my girlfriend by hiding the ring inside a balloon. I blew up a huge balloon and put the ring box inside. When I gave it to her and told her to pop it, she was scared the balloon would explode in her face. I kept encouraging her and finally she closed her eyes, turned away and popped it. The ring box flew out, ricocheted off the wall and out the window, gone forever. She broke up with me soon after. Whoops.
Last 4th of July, my neighbor Phil went overboard decorating his house with balloons. He had hundreds of red, white and blue balloons covering his house. It actually looked really cool. But later that night during the fireworks, a rogue spark landed on Phil’s roof and ignited the balloons. We watched in shock as flames engulfed his balloon roof and melted all the balloons into a sad, melted mess. The fire department was pissed. Phil is sticking to flags this year.
My wife loves decorating for every holiday and always goes overboard. Last Halloween she decided to cover the entire entryway with orange and black balloons. She spent hours inflating at least 100 balloons. Later that night, we heard a loud hissing noise and walked in to find our cat had popped every single balloon with his claws. He looked so proud of himself too while sitting in a pile of sad empty balloons. My wife refuses to get balloons now.
I’ll never forget the time I tried to pull an April Fool’s prank on my wife by filling up her car with balloons while she was at work. I put in at least 50 balloons, so many that when she opened the door they would all come flying out. She ended up having to walk home, absolutely fuming. And I spent all night picking up sad, deflated balloons from the parking lot. She’s still mad about the “car-ballooning” incident last year. Maybe it wasn’t my brightest idea.
For my birthday one year, my girlfriend filled our apartment with balloons as a surprise while I was at work. When I walked in, I could barely open the front door. I pushed it open to a sea of hundreds of balloons flooding out. It was hilarious but also slightly terrifying. Over the next few weeks, we would still occasionally find sad popped balloons in random corners of the apartment. It was fun for about 5 minutes – then the cleanup became a literal headache.
Last year my neighbor Phil decided to tie balloons all over his house for some reason. He must have had at least 100 balloons covering his roof and walls. It actually looked really cool. But that night a massive storm rolled through and we watched in horror as intense winds whipped all the balloons off his house. They were flying in every direction while Phil ran around frantically trying to grab them out of the air. But one by one we watched them drift away and pop sadly. Phil is not allowed to decorate with balloons ever again.
