Avocado Puns (15)
1. What do you call an avocado that got away? A guaca-mole!
2. Why don’t avocados like to share? They’re guacward!
3. What’s an avocado’s favorite game show? The Price is Guac!
4. Why did the avocado cross the road? To get to the guac side!
5. How do you fix a broken avocado? With guac and roll!
6. What music do avocados like listening to? Guac and roll!
7. Why don’t avocados ever get lonely? They’re never without guacamole!
8. What do you call an avocado that works as a secret agent? A guaca-mole!
9. Why did the avocado go to college? To get his guacalureate degree!
10. What’s an avocado’s favorite sport? Guacamole wrestling!
11. Why do avocados make great lawyers? They know how to beat the guac out of you!
12. Why don’t avocados ever run out of money? They have a fat guac account!
13. Why was the avocado upset? He was the guac bottom of the food pyramid!
14. How does an avocado stay in shape? Guaca-robics!
15. What happens when two avocados get in a fight? Guaca-mole!
Avocado One-Liners (15)
16. I’m so glad I mashed into you today.
17. You’re looking as fresh as guacamole.
18. Is your name avocado? Because you’re the good kind of fat!
19. They say I have a heart of stone, but it’s more like a pit of avocado.
20. I must be an avocado, because I fell hard for you.
21. Roses are red, tequila is cheaper, I like you a lot, let’s go get some guac.
22. I’m not smooth like butter, more like chunky guacamole.
23. Call me avocado and toast me up.
24. I’d faceplant into guac before I’d give up on you.
25. If being sexy was a crime, you’d be guaca-guilty as charged.
26. I’m green with envy, but you’re the ripe avocado.
27. You guac my world.
28. Hey girl, I’d love to get you on a fork and spread you on my toast.
29. You must be from the salad bar, because you’re looking like a snack.
30. Are you a spicy guac? Because you look hot!
Best Avocado Jokes (25)
31. Why did the avocado go on a date with a prune? He couldn’t find a date!
32. What did the avocado say to the refrigerator? “Sorry, I’m not ready for any commitment yet.”
33. Why don’t avocados ever pay their own rent? Because they live in pears!
34. What did the baby avocado say to its mom? “Stop smothering me!”
35. What do you get if you cross an avocado and a unicorn? Guaca-magic!
36. Why are avocados bad at telling secrets? They’re terrible at guac-keeping!
37. How do you know if an avocado is upset with you? It gives you the cold guac.
38. What’s an avocado’s least favorite mode of transportation? A guaca-boat!
39. Why don’t avocados make good bankers? They’re always getting into guaca-debt!
40. Why was the avocado so frustrated at the restaurant? The service was guaca-rocious!
41. What’s an avocado’s favorite drink? Guaca-mojitos!
42. Why can’t you trust an avocado? They have slippery pits!
43. Why was the avocado voted “Most Awkward” in high school? He never asked a girl to prom because he couldn’t guaca-muster the courage!
44. Why don’t avocados bake cakes? They always guac up the recipe!
45. How does an avocado rock out? With guaca-mole!
46. What did the avocado say to the other avocado? “You’re my best guac!”
47. Why did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was guaca-cool!
48. Why are avocados never lonely? They come in pears!
49. What’s an avocado’s least favorite workout? The guaca-mile run!
50. Why do avocados make great detectives? They always guaca-crack the case!
51. Why did the avocado blush? Because it saw the salad dressing!
52. Why don’t avocados make good sailors? They can’t stay on guaca-course!
53. How does an avocado tel you it’s stressed? “I’ve got too much on my plate right now!”
54. Why did the avocado get in trouble at school? It was caught guaca-cheating!
55. What do you call an avocado that’s a wiz at math? A guaca-genius!
More Avocado Jokes (9)
56. What’s an avocado’s favorite song? “Guac Around the Clock” by Bill Guacby!
57. Why don’t eggs tell jokes to avocados? They don’t want to crack them up!
58. Why did the avocado bring gloves to work? To protect himself from guaca-mole-station!
59. What do you call an avocado that works as a mechanic? A guaca-mole-fixer!
60. Why do avocados make great spies? They know how to blend in guaca-anywhere!
61. Why are avocados the most eco-friendly food? They always come in green packaging!
62. What do you call an avocado that stole your wallet? A guaca-crook!
63. Why do avocados have trouble making big decisions? They can never pit one choice against another!
64. Why did the avocado get in trouble with airport security? He was caught transporting illegal guacs!
Even More Avocado Jokes (10)
65. What do you call an avocado that works as a speechwriter? A guaca-wordsmith!
66. Why was the avocado so upset after the big party? He got dip depression!
67. What do you call two avocados who are close pals? Guaca-homies!
68. Why did the avocado want to learn karate? To perfect his guaca-chop!
69. What’s an avocado’s favorite late night snack? Guaca-munchies!
70. Why are avocados so rarely invited to parties? Their schedule is always guaca-booked!
71. What’s an avocado’s favorite magazine? Good Guackeeping!
72. Why do avocados make the worst Uber drivers? They’re always guaca-speeding!
73. What do you call an avocado who works as a life coach? A guaca-guru!
74. Why did the avocado get fired from the band? His timing was always guaca-off beat!
Best of the Rest Avocado Jokes (29)
75. What do you call an avocado who makes poor choices? A guaca-fool!
76. Why are avocados such slobs? They’re always covered in guac!
77. What did the avocado say when he stubbed his toe? “Guaca-ouch!”
78. Why are avocados the worst at hide and seek? They’re never hard to guaca-spot!
79. How does an avocado get to work every day? He guaca-commutes!
80. What do you call an avocado who’s an expert pie baker? A guaca-pro!
81. Why are avocados always so relaxed? They live the guaca-life!
82. What did the avocado say when he won the lottery? “I guaca-scored big time!”
83. How does an avocado fix his car? With a guaca-wrench!
84. Why are avocados so bad at baseball? They always guaca-strike out!
85. What’s an avocado’s favorite candy? Guaca-mel!
86. Why couldn’t the avocado become a writer? He only knew guaca-phrases!
87. What do you call an avocado who works as a therapist? A guaca-analyst!
88. How does an avocado access the internet? With guaca-broadband!
89. What do you call avocados who stick together? Guaca-buds!
90. Why do avocados make bad sailors? They can’t avoid the guaca-nadoes!
91. What’s an avocado’s favorite TV show? Keeping Up With The Guacashians!
92. Why are avocados the most generous? They have hearts of guaca-gold!
93. What do you call an avocado who loves music? A guaca-groover!
94. Why are avocados so healthy? They’re full of guaca-nutrients!
95. What did the avocado say on Thanksgiving? “I’m guaca-thankful for my pear!”
96. How does an avocado access his emails? Through his guaca-mail account!
97. Why did the avocado want to learn to dance? He wanted to be a guaca-mover and shaker!
98. What did the avocado name his son? Guacamole Jr.!
99. How does an avocado get in touch with you? He guaca-calls!
100. Why are avocados the most helpful? They will always guaca-lend a hand!
101. What’s an avocado’s favorite movie genre? Guaca-comedy!
102. How does an avocado find his way around? With a guaca-GPS!
103. Why do avocados make great scientists? They really know how to guaca-experiment!
104. What do you call an avocado who loves to read? A guaca-bookworm!
