Art Puns
- I tried to draw a circle but it ended up looking oval. I guess I need to work on my art skills.
- My friend got mad when I called his abstract painting garbage. I told him to relax, it’s not my fault he doesn’t understand art.
- I entered my macaroni art in a competition but didn’t win. The judges said it was impasta-ble.
- Did you hear about the artist who was arrested? The police drew a sketch of him.
- What do you call cheese that’s not yours? Nacho cheese!
- The museum had an exhibit on shoelace art. It was a real tie event.
- My portrait painting class was cancelled. It was a bad draw.
- I tried to sell my homemade playdough. There were no takers, so it was a no clay sale.
- The art thief took a sketch of the crime scene before he left. It was his last drawing.
- Did you hear about the new vegan chef at the museum? He specializes in vegetable oil paintings.
Art One-Liners
- Modern art is anything you can get away with.
- Art history would be a lot more interesting if the artists were fighting dragons.
- I don’t make mistakes. I make avant-garde, abstract art.
- I’m writing a book on reverse psychology. Please don’t buy it!
- My favorite crayon color is clear.
- If at first you don’t succeed, call it version 1.0
- I asked 100 artists to draw me. They all drew different pictures, which proves I’m inscrutable.
- How do you make Holy Water? You boil the hell out of it.
- If you spin an artist around, do they become a little disoriented?
- I entered an art contest but they disqualified my entry saying it “wasn’t art”. I told them, “That’s the beauty of art – it’s subjective.”
Best Art Jokes
- An artist had been working on a very large painting for months. He told his apprentice, “I finally finished this huge piece and it’s my best work ever. Now please run and check if the paint has dried properly.”
The apprentice ran to check the painting. When he came back, the entire canvas was blank.
The artist smiled and said, “I know. The best artleaves an impression on the soul, not just the eyes.”
- A tourist visited the famous art museum the Louvre in Paris. He stops to admire a large painting when an employee approaches him.
“That’s The Wedding at Cana by Veronese, sir,” the employee informs him. “It’s one of the most iconic paintings here, over 6 meters tall and 9 meters wide.”
The tourist rudely responds, “I don’t care who made it!”
Confused, the employee corrects him “Er, Veronese was the artist who painted it in the 16th century…”
“I told you I don’t care who made it!” the tourist interrupts again.
The employee smiles and replies “My apologies sir, please go ahead and admire it.”
As the tourist walks away, the employee whispers to his co-worker, “What an unenlightened philistine that man is.”
His co-worker nods in agreement and says “I know, who visits the Louvre and isn’t interested in the fascinating history of the art?”
- Michelangelo was working diligently on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. It had been taking him months of painstaking effort.
One day, his prickly supervisor comes to check on his progress and demands to know when the work will finally be done. Michelangelo politely tries to explain it’s a difficult and important masterpiece that requires patience.
The supervisor, however, won’t take no for an answer and keeps insisting he needs the chapel done faster.
Finally, a frustrated Michelangelo turns and shouts at him, “Fine! If you want it done fast, I’ll paint it all black!”
Shocked at the outburst, the supervisor quickly backs off and says “Oh no no, please take your time. Just do it right.”
Michelangelo nods and returns to work. As he paints a beautiful figure, he murmurs to himself, “Blackmail works every time.”
- A wealthy man walks into an art gallery and sees a contemporary painting composed of just large black and white blocks. Intrigued by it’s simplicity he asks for the price.
“This masterpiece by the great artist Rothgnar is $10,000” says the gallerist. The man tries to contain his shock and says “That’s an outrage! My son could easily paint something like this in an hour, it requires no skill at all!”
The gallerist calmly replies “Well then, tell your son to paint it and you come back here and try selling it.”
