Submarine Puns
1. I heard the new submarine has state-of-the-art sonar. You could say it’s quite the sound investment.
2. The submarine crew was unsure about their next mission. They decided to dive in and see where it takes them.
3. The submarine captain got frustrated trying to find a parking spot. He ended up parking in the depths of the ocean.
4. The new submarine chef made some waves with his underwater delicacies. His food really sank the competition.
5. The submarine’s interior decorator decided on a nautical theme. The crew complimented him on his creative dive-rection.
6. The submarine engineer finally finished his project after working non-stop. His hard work definitely paid off depth charges.
7. The submarine crew held a contest for best maritime pun. The captain knew his entry would make tidal waves.
8. The submarine commander liked taking risks on missions. You could say he really liked going down uncharted waters.
9. The submarine captain was fed up with his crew’s insubordination. He decided it was time for some stern talking-tos.
10. The new submarine recruit kept getting lost on the vessel. He was really in over his headwaters.
Submarine One-Liners
11. I’m not saying the submarine’s air filtration system is outdated, but it’s powered by whale oil.
12. We asked the submarine crew for directions. Apparently we’ve been going down the wrong channel.
13. I thought joining the submarine crew would be smooth sailing. Turns out it has a lot of ups and downs.
14. submarine crew that laughs together, scubs together. Just don’t get too crabby under pressure!
15. Submarine food leaves a lot to be desired. Just be glad you can’t actually taste the seamen’s cooking.
16. Submarine bunks give new meaning to sleeping with the fishes. Just mind the occasional shark bite.
17. Submarine crews take team bonding very seriously. You haven’t lived until you’ve had a belching contest at 10,000 leagues.
18. Next time you complain about legroom on a plane, think of the submarine crew crammed in those underwater sardine cans.
19. Submarines may be silent hunters, but the crew bunks are anything but. Sleeping through the night is next to impossible.
20. Old submarine sailors never die, they just lose their porpoise and go with the fisheous tide.
Best Submarine Jokes
21. What do you call a submarine full of professors? An academia vessel! One professor sneezed while 10 others said “bless you.”
22. How does a submarine crew throw a secret party? They tell every crew member except the captain! When he finds out, they yell “surprise subsurface celebration!”
23. Why don’t eggs work well in submarines? Because they tend to crack under pressure!
24. Why was the submarine chef so frustrated making breakfast? He kept cracking the eggs before they hit the pan!
25. Why was the submarine crew afraid when they spotted a pod of blue whales? They were worried about a potential mammer jammer!
26. How do submarine crews stay entertained while underwater for months? Movie night featuring all the depth classics like 20,000 Leaks Under the Sea, The Squid Who Came to Dinner, and The Old Man and the Deep C!
27. How do you fix a broken submarine toilet? You need a turdnical diver to go deep and unclog it!
28. Why did the submarine crew fail their morale inspection? Their spirits were a little low that day!
29. How do submarines communicate under the polar ice caps? They use IceMessenger!
30. Where do submarine crews learn their communication skills? The Naval Underwater Academy for Sonar Signaling!
31. How does a submarine captain punish a misbehaving crewman? By confining him to his courtiers!
32. Why was the submarine lieutenant relieved of his duties? He couldn’t quite measure up to the depth of command.
33. How do you get a dozen submarine crewmen in a Mini Cooper? Tell them there’s free beer inside!
34. Why don’t submarines have windows? Because that would just be plane glass!
35. How do submarine captains relax after a long mission? They watch some R & R – radar and recoil!
36. Why couldn’t the submarine stay submerged indefinitely? It kept taking on water from all the leeks!
37. Why was the submarine captain so short-tempered with his crew? He was fed up with their lack of reverence for his super bowl status.
38. Why did the submarine have to surface early from its mission? There was a bit of tension between the starboard and porthull sides of the crew.
39. Why did the submarine’s chef quit? The crew completely undermined his floundering attempts at creative cuisine.
40. How do you say goodbye to deceased submarine sailors? You give them one last wave and watch them sink into the dark abyss below.
41. What’s a submarine crewman’s favorite dessert? Anything creme brulee-league down!
42. How do submarine crew members send secret messages to each other? Using morse code tap sequences on the cannon tubes!
43. Why don’t submarine crews have pizza parties? Because it’s impossible to get a proper pizza delivery at 5000 fathoms!
44. How do submarine captains get rid of troublemaking crew members? They launch them out of the forward torpedo tubes!
45. Why did the submarine emergency blow system malfunction? Too many seamen were messing around with the ballast controls!
46. How do submarine cooks freshen up the crew’s meals? By harvesting the cool crisp iceberg lettuce during Arctic surfacing missions!
47. Why was the submarine sonar operator sweating profusely during battle stations? He couldn’t handle the depth of the charges!
48. What’s a submarine crewman’s favorite day of the week? Fathom Friday of course!
49. How did the submarine lose communication capability? The radio buoys were down for maintenance.
50. Why was the Soviet submarine captain so paranoid before meeting his American counterpart? He kept double-checking for hidden micro-prawns.
51. Why do submarine crews eat so much canned food? It helps keep the tin can in ship-shape!
52. How do you rescue a submarine stuck on the ocean floor? Carefully apply a Depth-Aid kit to release it from the abyssal zone!
53. What does a Cold War submarine crewman fear most? The Red Tide!
54. How do you frustrate a submarine captain to no end? Hide the periscope and watch him search all over the conning tower!
55. Why was the submarine’s reactor malfunctioning? Too many neutrons were getting totally spaced out in the core!
56. How do you say “mayday” in submarine Morse code? “.–. .- -.. . / — ..- .-.. – .. — . … “
57. What’s a submariner’s favorite exercise? Torpedo Twists! They really work the tube torsos.
58. Why should you never play hide and seek with a submarine crew? They excel at staying hidden in the depths!
59. How do you rescue a submarine trapped in the Mariana Trench? Carefully apply a De-Abyss kit to rise it up from the deep.
60. Why was the submarine late returning to port? It got caught in a shipping channel traffic jam!
61. How does a submarine crew pass the time on extended undersea missions? By playing deep thinker games like chess and battleship!
62. How do you say “fire torpedo” in submarine Morse code? “-.. . .-. .. … … / – . -..- – —… -..-. -..-. .”
63. What’s a submariner’s favorite movie soundtrack? Anything by Hans Zimmer-league Down!
64. Why do submarine crews eat so much fish? To help avoid getting the deep bends during rapid surfacing!
65. Why was the submarine captain worried about his crew? He feared they might be susceptible to cabin fever leagues below the surface.
66. How does a submarine crew celebrate a successful mission? With fizzy depth charges of seltzer water!
67. Why was the submarine late returning to port after exercises? Its fathometer got stuck in sound-and-light show mode!
68. What kind of books do submarine crews read during down time? Lots of deep sea fiction and nautical pun anthologies!
69. How do you rescue a submarine trapped in an undersea canyon? Lower a bathyscaphe slowly to unfathom it from the trenches below.
70. Why did the submarine fail its safety inspection? Too many open hatchways leading to davits of danger!
71. How does a submarine crew play pranks on each other? By secretly adjusting the ballast for unexpected depth charges!
72. Why was the submarine captain worried about hull integrity? He kept finding more leaks during routine maintenance.
73. How do you say “dive, dive, dive” in submarine Morse code? “-.. . / -.. . / -.. .” Straight to the depths!
74. Why was the submarine interior so humid and moldy? The condensation remover broke leaving it a damp space!
75. Why does submarine food taste so salty? To help replenish electrolytes lost through endless sweating in the hot bunks!