Shoes Puns (15)
1. I can’t believe I got fired from the shoe factory. Apparently I just wasn’t cut out for the boot business.
2. My friend got hit in the head with a shoe. He was lucky it was a loafer.
3. I asked the shoe salesman to give me something with a bit of sole. He said, “How about these sandals?”
4. I entered a contest for most shoes owned. When I won, they gave me the boot prize.
5. The shoemaker was annoyed that his supplies kept disappearing. It was the work of an evil elf or goblin. A shoe cobbler goblin, if you will.
6. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.
7. Did you hear about the angry shoemaker? He always had a chip on his shoulder.
8. I asked my friend, “What’s that on your shoes?” He said, “That’s shoelace.”
9. Someone stole my high heels. How could they stoop so low?
10. What do you call shoes that have been stolen? Misplaced loafers.
11. Did you hear about the geologist who studied rocks while wearing open-toed shoes? They called her the sandal granola girl.
12. My shoes were getting dirty so I asked the maid to shine them. Turns out she was a little polish.
13. Did you hear about the guy who patented Velcro? What a rip off!
14. Did you hear about the man who was hospitalized after eating a shoe? The doctors described his condition as loaf-threatening.
15. Why do Nike shoes smell bad even when they’re new? Because they’re brand new.
Shoes One-Liners (10)
16. I guess you could say bowling shoes are right up my alley.
17. Who needs shoelaces when you have Velcro? Stick with what works!
18. Flip flops: perfect footwear for showing off your pedicure.
19. Soles to the polls! Remember to wear comfortable shoes when you vote.
20. Slippers: it’s like your bed went out with you.
21. Sneakers: for those who don’t sneak at all.
22. Loafers: slippers for the outside world.
23. Crocs: somehow both functional and a fashion nightmare.
24. Cleats: up your field goal game with these grippy shoes!
25. Uggs: warm, fuzzy footwear for your basic days.
Best Shoes Jokes (25)
26. A man walked into a shoe store looking to buy a pair of boots. The clerk brought out a box and opened it revealing a pair of shiny new boots. The man tried them on, walked around the store, and then took them off.
“These boots are too tight,” he complained to the clerk who proceeded to knock the boots on the corner of the counter to loosen them before the man put them back on.
“That’s still too tight,” the man said after walking around some more. Once again the clerk knocked the boots on the counter even harder.
The man put the boots back on and began walking toward the door of the store.
“These are still too tight,” he yelled just before walking out with the new boots on his feet.
27. A man went into a shoe store looking to buy a new pair of shoes. He had very wide feet, so he asked the salesman, “Do you have any shoes for fat people with wide feet?”
The salesman shook his head and said apologetically, “I’m so sorry, sir, we only carry shoes for normal sized feet here.”
The man left feeling insulted, and as he walked past the store window, he saw a pair of shoes that looked wide enough for his feet. He stormed back inside and grabbed the shoes demanding to know why the salesman had claimed they don’t carry shoes for wide feet.
The salesman calmly responded, “Sir, those are the floor models.”
28. A cowboy walked into a shoe store and said he wanted a new pair of boots.
“Sure, sir,” said the salesman. “What size?”
“Well, on my left foot, I wear a size 8, and on my right foot, I wear a size 11,” replied the cowboy.
The salesman looked puzzled and asked, “Why do you wear different sized boots, sir?”
“Well,” said the cowboy, “it’s ’cause my left foot ain’t hardly ever in the stirrup.”
29. Sarah was out shopping for shoes with her friend Joanna when she spotted the perfect pair – they were on sale for half price and just her size! She quickly grabbed the shoes and sat down to try them on.
Joanna looked surprised, “Aren’t you going to try on the right shoe too?”
“Why would I need to try on the other shoe?” asked Sarah, “If the left one fits, then the right one will definitely fit too!”
Joanna facepalmed and said, “Oh Sarah, you’re my friend but sometimes you can be such a birdbrain!”
30. Jake loved looking stylish so he decided to buy some fancy new shoes with pointed toes that were really in fashion. He proudly wore them to work on Monday.
“Wow, nice shoes!” said his colleague Ryan. “The pointed toes make your feet look super long.”
Jake smiled and said, “Why thank you, I just bought them this weekend.”
Overhearing this exchange, Jake’s boss chuckled and said, “Keep wearing shoes like that Jake and soon you’ll have the biggest feet in the office!”
31. A young boy was shopping for shoes with his mother. As the salesman was helping them, he asked the boy, “Do you need shoes to play soccer in?”
The boy replied, “I don’t know sir, I’ve never actually played soccer.”
Surprised, the salesman responded, “Then why are you buying soccer shoes?”
“Well,” said the boy, “my mom told me I need better shoes to improve my grades in school.”
The salesman and the mother both facepalmed.
32. An Irishman walks into a shoe shop in Dublin and asks the clerk if they have any Reebok shoes.
The clerk replies, “Pardon me sir, but we’re a very high-end shoe shop. We certainly don’t carry any athletic shoes here.”
“Just as well,” says the man. “I believe I’ll try my luck at another store.”
As the man exits, the clerk mutters under his breath, “Stupid Paddy.”
A few minutes later, the Irishman runs back into the store, waving a shoebox over his head and yelling, “Sir! Sir! I couldn’t find any Reeboks, but I did find this box of Nikes!”
33. Jack decided to spoil himself and buy an extremely expensive pair of designer Italian leather shoes. When they arrived, he excitedly tried them on and then showed them off to his friend.
“What do you think of my fancy new shoes?” asked Jack.
His friend shrugged and said, “They look nice I guess, but aren’t they supposed to have laces?”
Jack’s face fell as he realized the shoes didn’t have any laces at all. It turns out he had accidentally ordered a pair of $500 Italian loafers.
34. The shoemaker was tired of working such long hours in his shop day after day. He decided to cut back his hours and placed a sign on the door that read:
HOURS: Monday closed, Tuesday closed, Wednesday closed, Thursday closed, Friday closed, Saturday closed, Sunday closed.
Open other hours by appointment only.
35. Martin ordered a new pair of running shoes online, eager to try them out. When they arrived, he excitedly put them on and went for a jog around the block. But as soon as he started running, the shoes began squeaking loudly with every step.
Martin returned home, disappointed to find he had received a defective pair of shoes. The very next day, he boxed up the squeaky shoes to return them, with a note that read: “Dear company, thank you for the shoes. I wanted to love them, but the squeaks have ruined our relationship.”
36. A man walked into a shoe store and noticed a bored looking teenage employee leaning against the wall.
“Excuse me, do you have any running shoes here?” asked the man.
The employee yawned and responded, “Nah, we just sell regular shoes that, like, walk and stuff.”
37. Sue excitedly ordered a pair of glittery gold high heel shoes for her friend’s wedding. When they arrived, she opened the box and was dismayed to find two left shoes instead of one left and one right.
Sue called up the company to complain, “Hello, I ordered some shoes but you sent me two lefts!”
The employee apologized and said, “Oh no, I’m so sorry about that! Would you like us to send you the right shoes this time?”
38. A man walks into a shoe store. He has holes in his shoes.
“Can I please have a pair that doesn’t have holes?” he asks the shopkeeper.
“Of course, sir!” says the shopkeeper. “All of our shoes are hole-free.”
39. Betty loved to pamper herself, so she walked into a luxury shoe store to buy the most expensive pair of shoes she could find.
After slipping on numerous pairs, the salesperson asked Betty, “Have you found something you like?”
Betty frowned and said, “No, these shoes are much too practical. Don’t you have something really frivolous and completely unnecessary?”
40. Fred overheard two women talking about shoes in a cafe:
“I adore my new stilettos,” said one woman. “I can walk in them all day without any problem.”
“Really?” said her friend in disbelief. “I tried on a pair last week and could barely stand upright!”
Fred leaned over and whispered, “It takes really strong calf muscles to walk in high heels.”
The first woman just giggled and winked at her friend, “Oh honey, I never said I wore them on my feet!”
41. Jake loved to play pranks on his friend Mason. One day, he snuck into Mason’s house and painted the soles of all his shoes with glue before Mason came home.
Later that evening, Mason was running late for dinner with his girlfriend’s parents. As soon as he slipped his shoes on, he became stuck to the floor! Mason shouted in frustration, realizing he had fallen victim to yet another of Jake’s silly pranks.
42. A shoe salesman spent hours trying to convince a customer to buy a pair of uncomfortable, trendy shoes. Finally, the customer had enough.
“Look,” he said firmly. “I didn’t come here for a pitch about fashion or trends. All I want is a simple, comfortable pair of shoes that don’t hurt my feet.”
The salesman scoffed and said, “Ugh, you’re clearly not as dedicated to style as I am.”
43. Martha decided to organize a neighborhood shoe drive and collected donations all week. On collection day, she woke up excitedly and put on her favorite blue sneakers, ready to deliver the shoes.
She arrived at the donation center, bags in hand, but the volunteer there stopped her and said, “Ma’am, you can’t just donate other people’s shoes. You have to donate your own.”
Red-faced, Martha shamefully turned over her blue sneakers.
44. Claire excitedly opened the package containing the designer pumps she had ordered online. But when she slipped them on, she was confused to find her feet swimming inside them.
“Oh no!” Claire cried out. “I ordered a size 5 but they sent me size 15 shoes instead!”
She glumly thought about having to return the giant shoes. Then Claire paused, smiled, and said to herself, “Or I could just wear them with 5 pairs of socks!”
45. Peter came home after a long day of work eager to relax. He took off his shoes and was about to sit down when he spotted a huge spider crawling across the floor. Startled, Peter used the nearest weapon he could find – his shoe – to smack the spider and kill it.
“Ha!” Peter declared triumphantly. “Who needs a fly swatter when you have shoestomping skills like mine?”
46. Tom ordered special orthopedic shoes online, hoping they would relieve his chronic foot pain. But when they arrived, he saw they had sent him a right orthopedic shoe and a left regular tennis shoe.
Frustrated, Tom called up the company and said, “You made my feet uneven!”
47. Brenda was running late to meet a friend for brunch. In her hurry, she accidentally put on two different shoes – a red pump on her left foot and a black boot on her right.
She didn’t notice her shoe mishap until her friend pointed it out at the restaurant. “At least my outfit is still fire!” laughed Brenda.
48. Mark was inspecting a pair of shoes at the thrift shop when an employee scolded him, “Sir, you are not allowed to try on used shoes here for sanitary reasons.”
Flustered, Mark stammered, “I-I wasn’t trying them on, I swear! I was just smelling inside them!”
49. Mitch was trying on shoes at the shoe store when another customer walked by and remarked, “Wow, nice boots, are those Italian leather?”
“Nope,” Mitch replied as he proudly lifted his foot. “They’re Mitchigan leather!”
50. Carol bought a bargain pair of flip flops before going on vacation. Almost immediately after starting her beach stroll, the cheap foam sole came completely apart, forcing Carol to walk barefoot on the hot sand.
“I paid peanuts for these flip flops,” she grumbled, “and now I’m paying the price!”