Penny Puns
1. I was going to tell a joke about pennies, but it made no cents.
2. What do you call a penny that’s been in too many wish fountains? An ill-scented Lincoln.
3. Did you hear about the kid who swallowed a penny? He passed a cent.
4. Why shouldn’t you tell secrets to pennies? Because they spread currency.
5. What do you get if you put 50 pennies in a wine bottle? A half dollar genie.
6. Why are pennies bigger than dimes? Because inflation makes cents.
7. I gave my wife a penny for every thought she had. She now thinks she’s paid too much.
8. What did the penny say to the other penny? We make perfect cents.
9. Why was the penny sweating? It was having a cent-anary crisis.
10. What do you call a penny covered in chocolate? A chocolate cent.
11. What do you call an upset penny? A cent that makes no cents.
12. Why did the penny cross the road? To get to the other cent.
13. Why couldn’t the penny afford lunch? It only had a cent.
14. Where do pennies go on vacation? Sent-trope.
15. What do you call a penny that runs away? A fleeing cent.
Penny One-Liners
16. I’m so broke I only have 100 pennies left to my name… no wait, now I have 99.
17. They say money can’t buy happiness, so I guess I’ll have to keep using pennies instead.
18. I was going to pick up that penny I saw on the ground, but I decided it wasn’t worth my two cents.
19. Pennies are so worthless these days that when I see one, I don’t even bend over to get it… I just stay straight.
20. I once knew a guy who collected pennies – he was very cent-imental about them.
21. I thought about making penny soup to save money, but it just didn’t make any cents.
22. I’m so broke that I celebrate Penny Costume Day on Halloween each year.
23. They say a penny saved is a penny earned, but with inflation, I’m actually losing money by saving pennies.
24. I’m going to swallow a bunch of pennies so I’ll have some change inside me.
25. Pennies are so useless these days, I just throw them in the trash – penny for your thoughts?
26. I was going to bend down and pick up that penny I saw, but my back is so bad that I realized it would cost me more than one cent to do it.
Best Penny Jokes
27. A penny was feeling depressed, so it went to visit a counselor. The counselor asked “What seems to be the problem?” The penny replied, “I just feel worthless – I mean, I’m only one cent!”
28. A man was out walking and saw a shiny penny on the sidewalk. As he bent down to pick it up, a car came speeding by and took off his arm. He stood up and said “I guess that wasn’t worth an arm and a leg after all.”
29. A penny and a nickel were dating, but the penny wanted to break up. The nickel begged, “Come on baby, just give me another sent! We can make it work!”
30. A family was getting ready for vacation and the dad said “Make sure you bring lots of pennies for souvenirs!” The mom replied, “Why would we want a bunch of pennies?” The dad said, “You know, a penny for your thoughts…”
31. A man filled his pockets with pennies before going on a cruise. When asked why he was bringing so many pennies, he said “In case the boat cents.”
32. A penny, a nickel, a dime, and a quarter were having a contest to see who was the most valuable. The quarter bragged “It’s obvious I’m the best, I’m worth 25 cents!” The penny replied “Don’t be so sure, you get taken for granted, nobody ever asks to keep me as change.”
33. What did one penny say to the other penny? We make perfect cents.
34. Why did Honest Abe decide to put his face on a coin? He wanted to see how it felt to be in circulation.
35. How do pennies get around? On cent-pedes!
36. What do you call a line of pennies? A cent-ipede!
37. Why don’t pennies make good comedians? Because they tell terrible one cent jokes!
38. How does a penny kill time? It goes on cent-less adventures.
39. What’s a penny’s favorite kind of music? R&B – rhythm and cents!
40. Why was the penny looking in the mirror? It was taking a cent-imental look at itself.
41. What do you call a penny that’s big into exercise? A fit cent!
42. Why couldn’t the penny afford a newspaper? It only had four cents.
43. What do you call an aggressive penny? Sent-imental.
44. Why do pennies make bad architects? They only know cents-less design.
45. Why do pennies make good detectives? They always follow cents.
46. What’s a penny’s favorite sport? Cent-meters dash.
47. Why did the penny keep telling the same joke over and over? It only knew one cent joke!
48. Why was the penny sweating so much? It was having hot cents!
49. What’s a penny’s favorite mode of transportation? A cent-a-ped.
50. Why don’t pennies make good accountants? They always drop the cent-ball.
51. How do pennies stay in shape? They get plenty of cent-ercises.
52. What do you call a penny that’s been in the dryer? Cent-rifical force!
53. Why was the penny angry after yoga class? It felt too cent-imental.
54. Why do pennies hate cold weather? It gives them the cent-ivers!
55. What’s a penny’s least favorite food? Cent-ipedes!
56. How does a penny fish? With a cent worm, of course!
57. What did one penny say to the other after getting shocked? That cent me through the roof!
58. Why did Honest Abe make pennies bronze instead of silver? He wanted some cent-imental value.
59. What did the penny say to console the crying nickel? Don’t worry, everything will make cents if you look at it the right way.
60. Why was the penny sweating after lying to its mom? It didn’t want to get cent-grounded!
61. What’s a penny’s favorite hobby? Coin collecting!
62. Why was the penny crying? It had a mid-cent crisis.
63. How does a penny party? It cent-aminates the dance floor!
64. Why was the penny running in circles? It was cent-rafugal force!
65. What’s a penny’s favorite movie genre? Cent-fiction!
66. Why was the penny blushing? It saw some cent-imental footage of itself!
67. What do you call a penny that travels through time? A cent-urion!
68. Why was the penny acting so vain? It had a cent-ered attitude.
69. What’s a penny’s favorite flower? A da-cent-tion!
70. Why did the penny cross the road? To get to the cent-er line!
71. How does a penny stay up to date? It reads the cent-imes!
72. Why was the penny feeling angry? It lacked cent-itivity.
73. What’s a penny’s favoriteospel song? Oh Happy Cent!
74. How does a penny keep its breath fresh? With cent-iments!
75. Why was the penny feeling lonely? It just needed some cent-iments from friends.
