Nerd Puns (10)
1. I tried to make a belt out of watches once, but it was a waist of time.
2. I was going to tell a chemistry joke, but all the good ones Argon.
3. Why was the math book unhappy? It had too many problems.
4. What do you call someone who takes care of chickens? A chicken tender.
5. Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they would be bagels!
6. Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door? To win the No-bell prize!
7. Why did the physics teacher break up with the biology teacher? There was no chemistry!
8. I tried to catch some fog earlier. I mist.
9. What do you call a funny mountain? Hill-arious.
10. Why can’t you trust atoms? They make up everything.
Nerd One-Liners (10)
11. I’m reading a great book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
12. I recently switched all the labels on my wife’s spice rack. She hasn’t noticed yet, but the thyme is cumin.
13. Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
14. My wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline; she hit the roof.
15. I’m thinking about removing my spine. I feel like it’s only holding me back.
16. My friend keeps saying “cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water.” I know he means well.
17. If you’re bad at haggling, you’ll end up paying the price.
18. I ordered a chicken and an egg on Amazon. I’ll let you know.
19. A termite walks into a bar and asks “Is the bar tender here?”
20. I was wondering why the frisbee kept getting bigger and bigger, but then it hit me.
Best Nerd Jokes (40)
21. What do you call someone who takes care of chickens? A chicken tender.
22. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired!
A neutron walked into a bar and asked the bartender how much for a drink. The bartender replied “For you, no charge!”
23. Two antennas got married. The ceremony wasn’t much but the reception was excellent!
24. I heard Oxygen and Magnesium got together and I was like OMg!
25. Why do Java developers wear glasses? Because they can’t C#!
26. A logician’s wife told him to go to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. If they had eggs, he should pick up a dozen. The logician came home with 12 loaves of bread.
27. Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
28. Why do programmers prefer dark mode? Because light attracts bugs!
29. Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
30. What did the proud chemist parent tell their Nobel prize child? “Uranium!”
31. Why can’t bicycles stand up on their own? Because they are two tired.
32. I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram. I was like 0mg…
33. Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it.
34. I told my carpenter I didn’t want stairs, he built me a ladder. I guess he took it literally.
35. Why do Java developers wear glasses? Because they don’t C#!
36. Did you hear about the first restaurant to open on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
37. Why do mathematicians hate the U.S.? Because it has so many square roots!
38. When does a joke become a “dad” joke? When it becomes apparent.
39. Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de Brie.
40. How does NASA organize their company parties? They planet.
41. Where do math teachers go on weekends? Times Square.
42. My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.
43. Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas? Because Oct 31 equals Dec 25.
44. A photon checks into a hotel and the bellhop asks him if he has any luggage. The photon replies “No, I’m traveling light.”
45. A logarithm and a factorial walk into a bar. The bartender yells “Get out! We don’t serve functions here!”
46. Did you hear about the prisoner who dug a tunnel with a spoon and escaped? They say he’s still at large.
47. Why do bees stay in their hives during winter? Swarm.
48. What did the alien say to the garden? Take me to your weeder.
49. Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl use the bathroom? Because the pee is silent.
50. I told my friend she really needs to stop drawing Terminators, but she’ll be back.
51. Why was the angle depressed? It had 360 problems.
52. The rotation of earth really makes my day.
53. Why do we tell actors to break a leg? Because every play has a cast.
54. Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 789
55. Why did the AI fail its geography test? It could only recognize Toronto from the CN tower.
56. I went to the soda museum, but all they had was popsicles!
57. Why doesn’t Voldemort have glasses? Nobody nose.
58. A kid threw sodium chloride at me recently. I was like “that’s a salt!”
59. Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side!
60. Knock knock. Who’s there? Control Freak. Con… OK now you say “Control Freak who?”