Germans Puns
1. Why don’t Germans tell jokes when camping? They prefer intense tents.
2. Why are German streets so clean? They have special sweeping teams.
3. What do you call a German who’s just eaten their dinner? A full sauerkraut.
4. Why do Germans make the best gardeners? They have green thumbs.
5. Why are Germans such good dancers? They love to polka.
6. What do you call a lazy German? A sauerkraut.
7. Why do Germans wear socks to bed? So they don’t get cold feet.
8. How does a German fix a leaky sink? With a wrench.
9. Why are Germans so punctual? They don’t want to be behind schedule.
10. What do you call a German who loves cars? A mercedes benz.
11. Why are Germans good at math? They love figures.
12. Why do Germans wear sandals? So they can show off their top krauts.
13. Why are German streets so orderly? They follow strict lanes.
14. Why do Germans make great builders? They have outstanding engineering.
15. Why are Germans such careful drivers? They don’t want to crash and wurst.
Germans One-Liners
16. I tried to tell a joke about Germans, but no one laughed. I guess it wasn’t that funny, achtung baby!
17. Did you hear about the German band? Their music has great rhythm and krauts.
18. What do you call a German who skips school? A classless sauerkraut.
19. Why are German jokes never funny? They killed all the humor.
20. Did you hear about the new German restaurant? It serves nothing but sauerkraut.
21. What do Germans put on top of sauerkraut? Their hands to eat it.
22. Why do Germans wear such heavy clothes? To keep warm this winter.
23. How many Germans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just one, they are very efficient.
24. What do you call a German who crossed the road? Safe and sound on the other side.
25. Why don’t Germans tell jokes when camping? The humor tents.
Best Germans Jokes
26. One day, a German man was walking down the street when he spotted an old lamp in an antique shop. He picked it up and gave it a rub, and lo and behold – a genie popped out! “For freeing me, I will grant you three wishes,” said the genie. The German thought for a moment and said, “For my first wish, I want a mug of beer that will never run out.” Instantly, a frosty mug filled with delicious German beer appeared in his hands. The man took a satisfied gulp and said, “For my next wish, I want unlimited bratwurst and sauerkraut.” Immediately, a overflowing plate materialized before him, piled high with juicy brats and tangy sauerkraut. As the man dug into his feast, the genie asked, “And what is your third wish?” Not even looking up from his food, the man replied, “Another mug of beer, bitte.”
27. A recent study found that over 80% of Germans suffer from obsessive compulsive disorder. The other 20% actually enjoy it.
28. An American tourist in Germany asked a local man, “Do people here really drink beer for breakfast?” The German replied, “Of course not, that would be silly. We drink it strictly for lunch and dinner.”
29. A German man was having great difficulty assembling a new cabinet from IKEA. After struggling for hours, he looked at the instructions and realized they were in Swedish. He cried out, “Mein Gott! Vhy must everything be so complicated?”
30. Did you hear about the German clock maker? He was very punctual and kept precise time. One day, he decided to take a lunch break at 1:15pm. He returned to work promptly at 2pm, as he did everyday. His apprentice asked him, “But master, don’t you usually take hour long lunch breaks?” The clock maker replied, “Yes, but not today. I took a nein-ty minute lunch instead.”
31. Why do German shower heads have 11 holes? Because Jews have 10 fingers.
32. How do you sink a German battleship? Put it in water.
33. A German man walks into an optics shop. Looking to impress the cute clerk, he asks to try on a pair of ultra fashionable mirrored sunglasses. He puts them on, turns to the clerk, and says slyly “So, do zese sunglasses make me look more attractive?” The clerk looks him dead in the eyes and says “Oh, absolutely not. But ze do hide two-thirds of your face.”
34. What do you call a German who doesn’t pay their bills on time? A deadbeat kraut.
35. Why are German comedy shows so unpopular? They have no sense of humor.
36. A German man was on trial for stealing. The judge asked him, “Why did you steal the bread?” The man replied, “I was hungry and had no money.” The judge then asked, “Why didn’t you just ask someone for help?” The man responded, “I’m German. We don’t ask for help, we take matters into our own hands.”
37. Two Germans walked past a bar. One says to the other, “Shall we go in and get a beer?” The other says, “No way – look how crowded it is! Let’s go somewhere else.”
38. Why do Germans wear helmets? So they don’t hurt their heads when jokes go over them.
39. Why are German children so well-behaved? Fear of punishment.
40. A lost tourist wanders into a small German village. He goes up to a local and asks “Entschuldigung, können Sie mir den Weg zum Bahnhof zeigen?” The German gives him an icy stare and says “Nein.”
41. Why are German comedy shows so efficient? Quick jokes, no nonsense, in and out in 30 minutes.
42. Why do Germans make the best scientists? They have great laboratories.
43. Why was the German fired from his job as a parking attendant? He kept occupying the best spaces.
44. Why are German streets so clean? No nonsense, just straight to the point.
45. Why are Germans so good at math? They love numbers and calculations.
46. Did you hear about the German bodybuilder? He pumps iron.
47. Why do Germans wear socks and sandals together? Maximum efficiency.
48. Why do Germans do everything by the book? It’s the proper order.
49. Why are Germans never late? They pride themselves on punctuality.
50. Why don’t Germans tell jokes? They have no sense of humor.