White House Puns (10)
- The White House chef was fired for serving cold soup. It was an unpresidented decision.
- The White House plumber fixed a leaky faucet in record time. He said it was just a simple fix-u-dent job.
- The First Lady decided to redecorate the Oval Office. She thought the décor was in executive need of change.
- The White House carpenter accidentally sawed a hole in the floor of the Oval Office. It was a board error.
- The White House gardener grew a new type of rose on the property. He named it the Obamarose.
- The White House electrician was tired of changing light bulbs. He decided to switch careers.
- The White House maid was cleaning under the furniture. She kept finding all kinds of dust bunnies.
- The White House chef prepared a full turkey dinner for the President’s family. It took him all day to cook the feast up.
- The White House plumber was called to fix a clogged toilet in the west wing. Just another crappy day at the office.
- The White House carpenter built new cabinets for the kitchen. He worked around the cabinet all day.
White House One-Liners (10)
- The White House is where former lawyers live rent free.
- The White House is the only fraternity house with its own army.
- My friend said he had been to the White House twice, but I think he’s lying through his teeth.
- Working in the White House must be so stressful they have to hire a press secretary just to lie for the president.
- The Oval Office would look better painted orange instead of white in my opinion.
- If the White House walls could talk, I bet they’d complain about being burned down in 1814.
- Don’t believe people who say they work at the White House – it’s clearly a transparent lie.
- I heard the White House kitchen is getting a new microwave, they’re calling it the Mike Pence.
- Maybe if we painted the White House pink, it would lighten the mood in Washington.
- The White House is like my uncle’s stories – too big to be true.
Best White House Jokes (23)
11. Nancy Pelosi and Donald Trump met at the White House to discuss policy changes. Trump said, “We should invest in more housing for the homeless.” Pelosi responded, “Why? Are you looking for a new house already?”
12. A tourist on a White House tour asked why the Oval Office was shaped like an egg. The guide said, “It’s not an egg shape, it’s an ellipse.” The tourist shrugged, “An ellipse, an egg – it’s still a chicken office if you ask me.”
13. Did you hear Trump installed a revolving door on the front entrance of the White House? He got tired of all the people getting fired having to walk out the same door they walked in.
14. What do you get if you cross the White House with an insane asylum? I’m not sure but it looks like Congress.
15. My friend said he was going to DC to yell outside the White House, but I told him “Don’t bother, nobody’s listening anyway.”
16. I read a horror story about a cursed White House that was haunted by the ghosts of presidents past. It was called “The Oval Office” by I.M. Paranoid.
17. A White House staffer walked into the Oval Office only to find the President trying to push a big red button on his desk. He shouted “No! That’s the nuclear launch button!” The President said “Oh…I thought it ordered lunch.”
18. Why does Donald Trump visit the Oval Office when he can’t sleep? Because it has great Presidential seals!
19. Did you hear Biden tripped and fell while walking down some stairs at the White House? Don’t worry, he just stumbled upon some new infrastructure plans.
20. I took a White House tour and the guide mentioned the Roosevelt Room. I whispered, “Don’t ask, they’re very sensitive about Teddy’s handicap.”
21. Why do White House staffers get lost so easily? Because there are no signs to direct them around the various Oval Offices!
22. Why doesn’t the White House have smoke detectors? Because they let smoking hot interns wander around all day!
23. Donald Trump wakes up one night with chest pains and calls the White House doctor over. After an examination, the doctor tells him “Try not to get so worked up over every little tweet and news story. You’re stressed, have high blood pressure and need to take it easy.” Trump replies, “Hey doc, you’re fired, I want a second opinion!”
24. Did you hear Trump decided to install a conveyor belt that he can ride around the Oval Office? It was easier than actually getting up to walk.
25. Why did the Secret Service have to stop Biden from swimming laps in the White House pool? Because he kept trying to finish someone else’s sentences underwater.
26. I saw the White House stylist was hiring assistants. Turns out she needs a lot of help covering up those bald spots.
27. The White House kitchen got a new super fancy French chef who only makes tiny portions. Nobody parties like the nouveau riche Democrats I guess.
28. Why does the White House have so many flies? Because of all the bull being spouted in the press room!
29. I saw a job listing for a “Director of First Impressions” at the White House. Basically they need someone to teach the new interns how to fake laugh at Biden’s jokes.
30. What do you call someone who gives White House tours? A lying guide!
31. Why did the White House remove all the paintings of Washington? Because Trump kept trying to peek at his golden shower.
32. Why does the Oval Office have a trap door? For quick presidential escapes!
33. How do White House staff check if the President is awake? They sneak ice cream into his room and listen for the ruffling of the bedsheets.
34. Why was Trump never worried about getting robbed? Because who would dare loot the White House with the Secret Service around!
35. Did you hear Melania Trump once found a book in the White House library and asked “What’s this?” The staff member said “It’s called a book darling, it has words in it.”
36. Why does Biden often get lost in the White House? Because the Oval Office has no corners to tell him where he is!
37. Why do White House suits look so drab? Because all the best ones end up in closet.
38. What do you call a White House coffee klatch? A coup d’ea-tete.
39. Why doesn’t Trump trust White House catering? Because they always serve fake news for dinner!
40. Why does the White House have two kitchens? Because you need a Democrat kitchen and Republican kitchen to properly divide the meals.
41. Why were White House staff worried when the First Lady disappeared? Because they need someone to dust all that shady history under the rug.
42. Why can’t you tell secrets near the Oval Office? Because the walls are known to be quite leaky.
43. My friend got a summer job cutting the White House grass. I said “Don’t mow it!”
44. Why was the White House gift shop out of Trump and Biden bobble heads last month? Because the staff spent all morning nodding along to their speeches!
45. Why do White House weddings have so many leftovers? Because Democrats and Republicans refuse to be seated together!
46. What do you call a White House bathroom? A porcelain throne room!
47. Why does the White House have a front porch? For rockin’ speeches and political posturing of course!
48. Why are White House dinners so tense? Because both parties insist on sitting at separate tables!
49. How do you find the least used room in the White House? Just ask for Joe Biden’s gym.
50. Why was Trump sneaking out to Mickey D’s so often? Because the White House kitchen could never match the high quality cuisine!
51. Why do they keep Biden away from the White House thermostat? Because every time he passes one, he raises the temperature!
52. What do you call a White House garage sale? A liquidation on Pennsylvania Avenue!
53. Did you hear the curtains in the Oval Office were replaced? Yep, the old ones were beginning to lack transparency.
54. How does Trump make sure nobody takes his seat in the Oval Office? He carves his name into the Resolute desk with a Sharpie.
55. Why was Trump banned from visiting the White House after his term? For excessive use of orange face paint on the Lincoln bedroom walls.
56. Did you hear the White House hosted a big Easter egg hunt last year? Yep, the staff was cleaning rotten eggs out of the Rose Garden bushes for weeks!
57. What’s the only thing that has gotten less use in the White House than the Bowling Alley? The Situation Room since Biden took over.
58. Why does Trump often get thirsty in the Oval Office? Because his bigly speeches drain all the spit from his little mouth.
59. How do you know a White House memo is useless? When it’s marked CONFIDENTIAL in big bold letters at the top.
60. Why did Biden stop telling jokes at press conferences? Because people weren’t laughing WITH him, only AT him.
61. What’s the difference between the White House and Las Vegas? One has flashy lights and gaudy decor to distract you from the dirty dealings going on inside.
62. Why does the White House have so many grandfather clocks? To constantly remind the President how short their term is!
63. What’s the best room in the White House to take a nap? The Oval Office of course!
