Whales Puns (30)
1. What do you call a whale that eats a lot of iron? A ferrous cetacean.
2. I was whale watching and said “Oh no, a whale is about to crush our boat!” My friend responded “Whale, whale, whale, what do we have here?”
3. What do you call a depressed whale? A blue whale.
4. Why don’t whales like playing cards? Because they always get dealt a bad humpback whale hand.
5. What’s a whale’s favorite hobby? Whaling around!
6. What do you call a petite whale? A little squirt.
7. A whale walks into a bar. The bartender says, “What can I get for you?” The whale says, “OOOooooooooooooooooooooooooo.”
8. What do you call a whale jail? A whaleboretary.
9. Why don’t whales eat clownfish? Because they taste funny.
10. What do you call a whale detective? Sherwhalek Holmes.
11. Why are whales so bad at playing hide and seek? Because they always come out of their blubber.
12. What do you call a group of single whales looking for dates? Whale Tinder.
13. Why can’t you play cards with a beluga whale? They hide things up their sleevuga.
14. What do you call a whale who works out too much? A gymphant whale.
15. What do you call a whale that’s a loud talker? Loud-mouth whale.
16. What do you call a whale that’s in a boy band? A boy beluga.
17. What do you call two whales that had a baby? Proud pa-whalents.
18. What do you call a pod of blues-singing whales? A beluga band.
19. What’s a whale’s favorite TV show? Whale of Fortune!
20. What’s a whale’s favorite dance? The humpback.
21. What’s a whale’s favorite fruit? Blueberries and watermelons.
22. Why don’t whales go to amusement parks? There’s always a huge line at Whaleworld.
23. What kind of whale makes cool sounds? A beat-boxing whale.
24. Why do whales have trouble keeping secrets? Because they always whale-tale on each other.
25. How do whales communicate over long distances? With whalephones.
26. What do you call a whale that works as a detective? Investihuegator.
27. Why did the whale get bad grades? He fluked all his tests.
28. What do you call a whale that lives in a house? A dwell-uga.
29. Why was the whale arrested by the fashion police? He was caught wearing blubber pants in public.
30. What’s a whale’s favorite city? New York because of the humpback taxis.
Whales One-Liners (29)
31. What do you call a chubby whale? A heavy-whalte.
32. I was going to tell a joke about whales, but it might be too long finned for you.
33. What do you call a sick whale? A little under the weatha.
34. What do you call a sleepy whale? A napping humpback.
35. Why don’t whales use computers? They’re afraid of getting viruses.
36. What’s a whale’s least favorite mode of transportation? A car, because it’s hard for them to fit in a seat-tacean.
37. How does a whale get around town? By hitching rides and uberwhaling everywhere.
38. Why don’t whales make good dancers? They have two left fins.
39. What’s a whale’s favorite influencer? Kylie Whalashian.
40. How do whales wind down after a long day? By watching Whaleflix and finxing.
41. Why don’t whales eat deli meats? They prefer seafood subs.
42. How does a whale get in shape? By doing cetacean workouts.
43. Why did the whale cross the ocean? To get to the other tide.
44. What’s a whale’s favorite exercise? Swim aerobics.
45. How do whales party? They hump, bump and rock out.
46. Why don’t whales live in saltwater pools? Not enough spout room.
47. How do whales vote? By finraising.
48. Why don’t whales make good sailors? They get seasick easily.
49. What’s a whale’s favorite dessert? Blubber pie.
50. How does a whale rock a baby to sleep? By singing a lullabulluga.
51. What’s a whale’s favorite smartphone game? Pokemon Dolphingo.
52. What do you call a whale that loves to read? A book beluga.
53. Why don’t whales like noise? It really hertz their ears.
54. How do whales get around the ocean so fast? They take great white shortcuts.
55. What’s a whale’s favorite TV channel? The Blowhole Network.
56. Why are whales so good at holding their breath? Years of dive practice.
57. How does a whale find directions? By using a ma-(pink)-tion device.
58. Why did the whale blush? Because it saw the ocean’s bottom.
59. What’s a whale’s favorite candy? Clam’s Pieces.
Best Whales Jokes (32)
60. A whale walks into a bar. The bartender asks, “What can I get you?” The whale replies, “OOoooOooOooooooOoooooOOOOO.” The bartender says, “Sorry, I don’t understand you when you whale like that.”
61. What did the baby whale say to its mother whale when she was annoyed? “Stop whale-ning!”
62. Two whales, John and Doug, are at the bar having a drink. John says, “Doug, I don’t understand why you’re not married yet. You’re a great catch. Any female whale would be lucky to have you. You have a good job, own your own home, have a nice car. What’s the problem?” Doug replies, “John, I keep striking out finding a mate because I have bad whale breath.”
63. A whale walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender asks, “What’s wrong, you seem down?” The whale replies, “I’m just feeling a little blue.”
64. What did the mother whale say to her misbehaving son? “I’ve told you time and time again, stop whaling your fins around and listen!”
65. How do whales see in the dark? With son-whale vision.
66. What do you call a whale who works as a financial advisor? A finwhaleplanner.
67. Why was the whale so angry after the race? He came in first but they gave the gold medal to the dolphin.
68. What did the humpback whales say after selling their startup company for millions? “We really Krill-ed it!”
69. A tourist group was whale watching when one man spotted a whale and yelled “There she blows!” His wife smacked him and said, “That is so rude! You don’t need to point out when a whale is overweight!”
70. Two beluga whales were swimming in the ocean when one said to the other, “I’m getting married next week, hope you can make the wedding!” The other beluga said, “I didn’t even know you were seeing anyone. Who’s the lucky whale?”
71. What do you call a grumpy narwhal? A narwhale.
72. Why was the blue whale so sad? Because it had a lot on its minke.
73. How do you start a conga line with sperm whales? Poke one and say “You’re it, now sperm whale.”
74. What happens to naughty whales during the holidays? They get stuck on Santa’s bowhead list.
75. Why don’t killer whales ever win at poker? Because they always go all in.
76. What’s a whale’s favorite gaming console? Wii U Wii U Wii U Wii U.
77. How do whales get around the ocean without getting lost? They use their e-colocation.
78. What do you call a pod of whales playing instruments together underwater? An orchestrawhale performance.
79. What do you call a whale that sneaks into fancy black tie events? A crashing beluga.
80. What’s a whale’s favorite magazine? Sports Illustrated’s swimsuit Issue.
81. Where do whales go to learn math? Whaleculus class.
82. How do baleen whales freshen their breath? With plankton mouthwash.
83. What do you call a whale that works as a camera operator? A filming crew whale.
84. Why was the blue whale banned from Sea World? For excessive Krill-ling in the park.
85. What did the mother whale say to her son before he left for college? “Don’t goof off too much and stay away from the frat boys, I herd whales go missing at those parties.”
86. How does a whale train for a triathlon? Lots of swim, some bike, and a bit of run.
87. What do you call a fast swimming whale? A speedo-fin.
88. Why don’t whales eat clownfish? They taste funny.
89. How do whales get such nice sounding whale songs? Lots of vocal training and learning to whale it out.
90. Why was the whale afraid to swim up to the boat? He was nervous it was a whalership.
91. What do you call a whale who does magic tricks? A Houdilphin!
