Time Travel Puns (15)
1. I tried to organize a time traveler’s convention, but no one showed up!
2. My friend claims he can time travel, but I think he’s just stringing me along.
3. I was going to time travel to last week, but I’m running a bit behind.
4. I bought a device to let me time travel, but it doesn’t seem tow work.
5. I wanted to go back in time to stop myself from procrastinating, but I kept putting it off.
6. I tried to become a time traveler, but I could never get passed tense.
7. My time machine had a glitch, it kept sending me back four seconds. It was like déjà vu all over again!
8. I wanted to travel to the future to see new inventions, but I didn’t have enough time on my hands.
9. I tried to go back in time to stop my friend from eating that bad clam, but it was too late.
10. I built a time machine to travel to the past, but it malfunctioned and now everything is happening at the same time!
11. I wanted to time travel, but I was stuck in the present.
12. I tried to go back in time to win the lottery, but I didn’t have a ticket.
13. My time machine ran out of batteries, so now I’m stuck in the present tense.
14. I wanted to travel to the future, but I didn’t have enough time on my hands.
15. I tried to go back in time and stop my parents from meeting, but love finds a way.
Time Travel One-Liners (15)
16. I time traveled to last year…it was about time.
17. My time machine only goes forward at regular speed.
18. I time traveled to next week, but now everything is happening too fast!
19. Knock knock. Who’s there? A time traveler. A time traveler who? You’ll find out yesterday!
20. My time machine ran out of gas, now I’m stuck in the Stone Age.
21. I tried to time travel, but I’m stuck living in the moment.
22. I accidentally traveled back to 1999, so now I have to party like it’s Prince’s song.
23. I time traveled to the ’80s but got stuck and now I’m totally tubular to the max!
24. My time machine got stuck going 88 miles per hour, now I’m in an endless time loop!
25. I traveled to the future, but everything seemed the same except people kept asking “What year is it?”
26. I tried to time travel, but all I did was waste time.
27. I traveled back in time and met my grandfather. Now I don’t exist!
28. Knock knock. Who’s there? A time traveler. A time traveler who? You’ll find out tomorrow!
29. I tried to time travel back to 1985 but got the date mixed up and traveled to 1852. Talk about a McFlys up!
30. I traveled to the future but everyone was speaking a language I didn’t understand. Come to think of it, it was probably English.
Best Time Travel Jokes (20)
31. A time traveler walks into a bar. He orders a martini. The bartender gives it to him. The time traveler drinks it and says “Wow, that’s the best martini I’ve ever had in my life! Can I have another?” The bartender says “Sure, but it will have to be the same one.”
32. Did you hear about the time traveler who was stranded in the Cretaceous period? He kept complaining about the terrible Wi-Fi connection.
33. A time traveler goes to a pub and orders a beer. “That’ll be $3,” says the bartender. “Wow, that’s cheap,” says the time traveler. He pays and takes a sip. Suddenly there’s a flash of light and the time traveler vanishes. At the same time another flash appears and a different time traveler materializes. He goes up to the bar and orders a beer. “That’ll be $3,” says the bartender. “Get outta here,” says the time traveler. “The last guy who was just here said it was only 50 cents!”
34. Did you hear about the time travelers who enjoyed dining together? They would meet every second for lunch and every minute for dinner.
35. A time traveler walked into a bar looking shook up. The bartender asked him what year he was from. The time traveler said “2048”. The bartender asked if something was wrong. The time traveler said “I just traveled from 2049. Alcohol is banned in the future. I had to go further back.”
36. A time traveler goes on a long journey back to medieval times. As he walks through a small village he notices how awful people smell. He walks up to a beautiful woman holding a water bucket. “Excuse me ma’am,” he says. “May I please have a drink from your water bucket?” She looks at him in disgust. “How dare you ask such a thing! This is my husband’s drinking water.” The time traveler pleads “Please, I’ve been traveling a long time and…” Before he can finish she swings the bucket at him and showers him with the contents. “And this is for my husband’s bath water!” she yells.
37. Why was the time traveler late to his appointment? Because he went back four seconds.
38. How did the hipster time traveler inform his friends of his whereabouts? He sent them all invites on Evite.
39. Why was the time traveler unable to enjoy fine dining? Because he kept ordering everything “to go.”
40. Where does Napoleon keep his armies? In his sleevies.
41. A time traveler walks into a bar holding a mug. The bartender asks, “Is that mug for here or to go?”
42. Did you hear about the time travelers who got caught in a time loop? They’re stuck reliving the same day over and over. People call them Deja Vu and Jamais Vu.
43. How does a time traveler order beer in a bar? By the time he says “Time’s up,” his glass is already empty.
44. Did you hear about the time traveler who is in a rock band? He was a rebel without a pause.
45. Why was the time traveler unable to kill Hitler? Traveling back to history would be unethical, dangerous and irresponsible.
46. How do time travelers document their vacation? They use a timeline.
47. Why don’t time travelers ever feel like they get enough sleep? Because no matter how long they lay down, it always feels like it was just for a second.
48. What do you call a gathering of time travelers? A whenvention!
49. Why do time travelers wear watches on both wrists? So they know when now is!
50. Why was the time traveler concerned about attending Woodstock? He didn’t want to spread diseases across different time periods.
Time Travel Short Jokes (20)
51. A time traveler walked up to the counter at a coffee shop. “I’ll have a coffee please, no cream.” The barista replied, “Milk, no cream coming right up!” “No, I said I want it black,” the time traveler explained. The barista winked and said, “Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone how you like your coffee.”
52. A time traveler goes to visit Beethoven with sheet music from the 21st century. Beethoven looks it over carefully, then says “Who wrote this? Tchaikovsky?” The time traveler replies “No, that’s the Rolling Stones.” Beethoven frowns “I don’t know them.” The time traveler sighs and says “Nobody will.”
53. A time traveler saw a really bad movie recently released and decided to go back to 1980 to warn people. He stood up in a crowded theater and shouted “Do not see Jupiter Ascending when it comes out in 2015!” Everyone ignored him except one guy in the back who yelled “Hey, stop spoiling movies!”
54. A time traveler walks into a tailor shop with torn pants. The tailor says “Let me patch it up for you.” The time traveler replies “Actually can you just sew up the time rips too while you’re at it?”
55. A time traveler was thrilled to travel to 1920s Paris and meet famous literary figures like Hemingway and Fitzgerald. But they just wanted to talk about time travel stuff and not their writing.
56. A time traveler went to the year 2450 and spoke to a historian. “What was the most significant thing about the 2010s?” The historian said “That was when we began digitally archiving memes.” The time traveler sighed. “I was afraid of that.”
57. A time traveler visited 1975 to sample the crazy disco scene. He quickly realized that just wearing his normal 2050 fashions made everyone think he was totally far out and stylish.
58. A time traveler visited the 1800s and tried to explain the internet and Google to people. They were like “So it’s a magic library in a little box you carry around?” The time traveler responded “…Basically, yes.”
59. A time traveler went back to witness some famous speeches throughout history. But every time he arrived, the speaker would stop and be like “Who’s that weird guy staring at me?” and forget their lines.
60. A time traveler walks into a bar in 1885 and orders an appletini with a twist. The bartender says “Ok mister, are you from the future or just real, real gay?”
61. A time traveler went back to the 1960s thinking he’d fit right in. But no one could understand his slang and people kept asking questions like “what’s a fleek? What’s the tea?”
62. A time traveler visited medieval times hoping to impress everyone with modern knowledge only to discover they were more advanced than he realized. Their best scientists asked questions he couldn’t answer.
63. A time traveler visited the Library of Alexandria in ancient Egypt and couldn’t wait to see all the rare scrolls. But he quickly realized he couldn’t read hieroglyphics and had to awkwardly mime asking where the bathroom was.
64. A time traveler went back to meet his teenage parents in the 1970s, but he was disappointed to find they were boring nerds who just wanted to study. He kept trying to get them to party but they refused.
65. A time traveler visited the year 3000 and found everything strangely familiar. The historian he spoke with explained it was because 2000-2999 was considered the Retro Era when humanity recreated past culture over and over.
66. A time traveler was disappointed to realize medieval villages didn’t look like Renaissance Fair. Where were the turkey legs, wenches, and jousting? People kept asking why his clothing was so odd.
67. A time traveler went back to witness the moon landing but found the camera work frustrating. “Can’t we get a camera on the moon next time so we can see Armstrong actually walk out and plant the flag?” he shouted.
68. A time traveler went back to the 2000s to buy tons of Bitcoin when it was dirt cheap. But he got frustrated trying to explain cryptocurrency to people who had never used email or even seen a smartphone.
69. A time traveler visited ancient Greece hoping to have enlightening discussions with Plato and Socrates. But they kept wanting to talk about the latest Olympic games instead of philosophy.
70. A time traveler visited the Old West intending to amaze people with his iPhone. But after wowing them once or twice, they lost interest and were more impressed by basic card tricks and sleight of hand magic.