The Beatles Puns (15)
1. The Beatles were asked to star in a movie about submarines. They turned it down because they didn’t want to be in a yellow submarine.
2. Paul McCartney entered an apple pie baking contest. He was disqualified when the judges found out the pie contained Maxwell’s silver beetles.
3. John Lennon’s glasses were so iconic, when he lost them, fans started a search with the hashtag #FindLennonsGlasses.
4. The Beatles decided to only sing songs about insects. They renamed themselves The Beetles.
5. When Paul McCartney first met John Lennon, he felt they had instant musical chemistree.
6. The Beatles were so loud, they got kicked out of one venue for making too much racket. The manager told them they can’t buy hard day’s night.
7. Paul McCartney loved singing Yesterday so much, the other Beatles jokingly called him Yesterday Man.
8. The Beatles were offered a free trip to India if they wrote a song about tandoori. They turned it down because they don’t wanna be korma chameleons.
9. The Beatles entered a band name contest but lost to a group called The Chirping Crickets. It was quite the Day Tripper.
10. Paul McCartney got food poisoning after eating bad shrimp. The doctor said he had to avoid pepper, so there was no more Sergeant Pepper.
11. When Paul McCartney first dated Linda Eastman, he was so nervous he felt like he had Blue Jay Way.
12. The Beatles were getting ready for a show but couldn’t find their guitars. They were All Across the Universe looking for them.
13. Paul McCartney met a genie who granted him two wishes. For his first wish, Paul asked for Penny Lane. For his second, he wished for Strawberry Fields.
14. When John Lennon saw an early cut of the Yellow Submarine movie he said, “It’s all too much!”
15. The Beatles decided to only perform songs about birds. They renamed themselves The Byrds.
The Beatles One-Liners (15)
16. I wanna hold your hand…but I’m afraid you’ll let it be.
17. The Beatles took LSD and had magical mystery tours, but I wouldn’t recommend that as a ticket to ride.
18. Hey Jude, don’t make it bad, take a sad song and make it better.
19. Come together, right now, over me.
20. Happiness is a warm gun, but don’t forget that all you need is love.
21. I dig a pygmy by Charles Hawtrey and the deaf aid by Mickey Dolenz, but my favorite record is a Beatles one.
22. The Beatles started off performing in Liverpool’s Cavern Club, and that’s where their musical journey really took off.
23. I read the news today, oh boy. Four thousand holes in Blackburn, Lancashire.
24. Here comes the sun, and I say, it’s all right.
25. The love you take is equal to the love you make.
26. I am the eggman, I am the walrus, goo goo g’joob!
27. Birthday cakes are pretty sweet, but I prefer birthday suits.
28. Here, there and everywhere – those Beatles sure got around!
29. Yellow matter custard, green slop pie – those Beatles knew how to turn nonsense into chart-toppers!
30. All you need is gloves…no, wait, that’s not quite right.
Best The Beatles Jokes (30)
31. One day, John Lennon and Paul McCartney were walking down the street when they saw a homeless man asking for spare change. “Sorry mate, we’re broke,” said Paul. The homeless man looked at them and said “Aren’t you those two blokes from The Beatles? You sure don’t look broke to me!” John replied, “Yes we are, but we lost all our money because we spent so much on drugs.”
32. What do you call a Beatles tribute band made up of dogs? The Barkbeatles! Their top hits include “Hound Dog,” “Hey Bulldog,” and “Can’t Buy Me Bones.”
33. Why was George Harrison disappointed when he bought avocados from a roadside stall? Because when he cut them open, he realized he had been sold The Fake Avocados.
34. John Lennon, Paul McCartney and George Harrison walk into a bar. Ringo walks underneath it.
35. What do the Beatles sing on the toilet? Let It P! What do they sing in the shower? Come Tubular Bells!
36. What’s John Lennon’s least favorite Starbucks drink size? A shot in the dark.
37. How do the Beatles organize a party? They call every-buddy together for a jolly good time!
38. Why was Paul McCartney the most romantic Beatle? He was always willing to Michelle.
39. What do you call a discounted Beatles record? A Rubber Soul on sale!
40. Why did the Beatles cross the road? To get to the other side, of course!
41. What do you call a Beatles song about hair loss? “Bald is Beautiful.”
42. Why does Paul McCartney make the best milkshakes? Because he has the secret recipe for Strawberry Fields Freakshakes!
43. Why did the Beatles stop performing? Because their drummer Ringo Starr-ted getting tired and didn’t want to work Eight Days a Week!
44. What do Beatles’ fans sing on the way to the dentist? Here comes the Novocain!
45. Where do the Beatles get their hair cut? At the barbershop where they can also buy Octopus’s Garden Accessories!
46. Why did the Beatles cross Abbey Road? To get to the recording studio!
47. What do you call a Beatles song about ill-tempered seafaring criminals? Grouchy Buccaneers!
48. How do Beatles stay warm in the winter? They wear their I Wanna Hold Your Coats and Scar-borough Fairs!
49. Why doesn’t Paul McCartney give trick-or-treaters candy on Halloween? Because he only likes to Michelle!
50. How did the Beatles come up with creative song titles? They took inspiration from everything around them – even Blackbird pies!
51. Why was George Harrison frustrated during the recording of The White Album? He felt his songs deserved more Love-ly attention!
52. What’s John Lennon’s least favorite meat? “Imagine no bacon…”
53. Why was Paul McCartney chosen to be the judge of a chili cook-off? Because no one can deny his expertise on pepper and spicy food!
54. What kind of car did The Beatles drive around in? A Volkswagen Thing-fish!
55. Why did The Beatles bring prunes on their road trips? For when they needed to Get Back on the road!
56. What do you call a Beatles song about lazy felines? Cat Scratch Fever!
57. Why was George Harrison unimpressed after trying marijuana for the first time? Because it didn’t give him much of a Rocky Raccoon!
58. What do you call a Beatles song about aquatic mammals? Walrus Pants!
59. Why do The Beatles make great basketball players? Because they can really Come Together as a team!
60. How did The Beatles feel about performing cover songs? They preferred to Let It Be original!
