Stoplight Puns
1. I heard two stoplights got into an argument. Apparently it was quite the red flag.
2. What do you call it when a stoplight goes on strike? A halt sign.
3. Why was the stoplight fired from its job? It kept working, but only half-heartedly.
4. How does a stoplight stay in shape? It cycles regularly.
5. Did you hear about the colorblind stoplight? It couldn’t tell red from green.
6. Why did the stoplight turn red? You would too if you had to change in front of everyone!
7. What do you call an intersection with a broken stoplight? A four-way stop.
8. Why do stoplights always freeze up in winter? They can’t handle the cold shoulder.
9. How do you fix a wonky stoplight? Try turning it off and on again.
10. Did you hear about the stoplight that was behind bars? Apparently it was caught running a red light one too many times.
11. Why do stoplights hate rainy days? Because they always get mist.
12. What do you call a stoplight that flashes so fast it gives you a headache? A migrane.
Stoplight One-Liners
13. I’m like a stoplight when I’m sick – either stopped or going very slowly.
14. I was feeling a bit stop-and-go today, just like a stoplight.
15. That malfunctioning stoplight has everyone seeing red.
16. This stoplight is taking forever to change, my patience is wearing thin.
17. The colors on that stoplight must be broken, it’s just flashing yellow.
18. Someone needs to check the wiring on that stoplight, the left turn signal is out.
19. That stoplight operates like my grandma – very slow and cautious.
20. The stoplight was stuck on red, causing quite the traffic jam.
21. The colors of that stoplight are as mixed up as my emotions today.
22. That stoplight is as inconsistent as the weather lately.
Best Stoplight Jokes
23. A police officer pulled over a stoplight for speeding. The stoplight insisted it was innocent, it had just turned green.
24. Did you hear about the near-sighted stoplight? It couldn’t stop looking at the red light district.
25. Why was the stoplight arrested? It was caught running a red light district.
26. Why did the policeman pull over the stoplight? It kept running red lights.
27. Why was the stoplight sent to traffic school? It was driving everyone crazy with its mixed signals.
28. How many stoplights does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one, but it will take forever and cause huge traffic delays.
29. What’s a stoplight’s least favorite month? Stoptember. Because that’s when people are eager to get moving again after summer.
30. What do you call a group of dysfunctional stoplights? A traffic jam.
31. Why do stoplights hate driving alone? They prefer carpools.
32. How does a stoplight listen to music? It uses Spotify.
33. Why couldn’t the stoplight and the crosswalk signal get along? They had always been at odds.
34. Why was the baby stoplight crying? It was having a temper tantrum because it wanted to go right when it was supposed to go left.
35. How does a stoplight cool down on a hot summer day? It waits for the AC to kick in when it turns green.
36. Why was the stoplight feeling blue? Its red light was burned out.
37. How do stoplights stay warm in winter? They bundle up in thick red, yellow and green parkas.
38. What’s a stoplight’s favorite sitcom? How I Met Your Red Light.
39. Why did the stoplight get glasses? It was having trouble seeing the red light.
40. How does a stoplight party? It dances at the green light district.
41. How does a stoplight celebrate St. Patrick’s day? By wearing green and avoiding any red lights.
42. Why do stoplights hate hot weather? Because they don’t want to turn red and start blushing.
43. What do you call a stoplight that moonlights as a conductor? A traffic maestro.
44. Why was the stoplight fired from its orchestra? It kept signaling for the rests.
45. How does a stoplight stay politically neutral? It avoids making any red or blue statements.
