Scream Puns (15)
1. I was so startled when my friend jumped out to scare me that I let out a blood curdling scream.
2. The haunted house was so scary it made me scream until I was blue in the face.
3. I got caught watching the new Scream movie at work and had to come up with a decent yell-ibi.
4. My scream was so loud it reached a new octyell.
5. I was surprised when my cat jumped on my lap and let out a meow that sounded like a tiny little scream.
6. I’m addicted to scary movies. You could say I’m a scream fiend.
7. The actor’s scream in the play was so fake it got panned.
8. I was startled by a mouse and screamed so loud I shrieked the neighbors.
9. When my scream echoes, it sounds twice as scary.
10. I got scared on the rollercoaster and screamed my head off.
11. The haunted house made me scream until I was hoarse.
12. I saw a spider and screamed loud enough to wake the dead.
13. My friend’s awful singing made me want to scream.
14. I screamed so loud, I think I spooked myself.
15. The movie was so scary I was petrified and couldn’t stop screaming.
Scream One-Liners (15)
16. I screamed so loud my skeleton tried to jump out of my skin.
17. My scream was so shrill dogs started howling back.
18. I screamed like I saw a ghost. Oh wait, I did.
19. Screaming is the best medicine, except for most things.
20. I screamed like a banshee who just found out she’s a banshee.
21. My scream was so loud it blew my wig off. And I don’t even wear one.
22. I screamed louder than a One Direction concert.
23. I screamed like I was being murdered, when really there was just a spider.
24. I tried holding in my scream, but that just made it come out as a weird gurgle.
25. My scream shattered glass. Their windows, not mine unfortunately.
26. I screamed the scream of a thousand screams.
27. My screams are so powerful I can use them to tenderize meat.
28. I screamed like I was giving birth to a pterodactyl baby.
29. I screamed so loud I coughed up a lung. It was gross.
30. If screaming burned calories, I’d be a skinny legend after that haunted house.
Best Scream Jokes (15)
31. I was home alone watching a scary movie when I heard a scream from the other room. I paused the movie and listened closely. Nothing. Must have just been in the movie, I thought. I unpaused it and a minute later I heard another scream. I muted the TV and searched the house top to bottom. No one was there. Then I realized the screams were coming from me.
32. The haunting screams kept me up all night. Finally I went downstairs, woke up my kid brother and said “Hey, can you try not to scream so loud when you have nightmares?”
33. I was hiking and came across a woman who was screaming while looking down at the ground. Concerned, I rushed over and asked “What’s wrong??” She looked at me and said “Oh nothing, it’s just a tiny snake.” I looked down to see the tiniest little garden snake slithering on the ground. “Why are you screaming over that?” I asked. She replied “I’m a gynecologist.”
34. A man was walking home alone late one foggy night when behind him he hears:
BUMP!
…
BUMP!
…
BUMP!
Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.
BUMP!
…
BUMP!
…
BUMP!
Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him
FASTER!
…
FASTER!
…
FASTER!
He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him. However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping
CLAPPITY-BUMP…
…
CLAPPITY-BUMP…
…
CLAPPITY-BUMP…
…as it comes after him. The terrified man runs upstairs to the bathroom and locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps. With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door. Bumping and clapping toward him.
The man screams and reaches for something, anything…
All he can find is a box of cough drops! Desperate, he throws the cough drops at the coffin…
And, of course, the coffin stops.
35. A man was exploring some caves when he came upon a huge bottomless pit. He couldn’t help wondering what was down there, so he picked up some rocks and threw them over the edge to try to gauge how deep it was. He listened closely but didn’t hear the rocks land. Just then, he heard an ear-piercing scream echoing up from the abyss. He froze in fear. Then it came again even louder than before. The man booked it out of the cave, running as fast as he could. Once outside he caught his breath and tried to make sense of what just happened. Then he had a disturbing thought – could there have been someone down there?
36. A woman and her boyfriend were making out in the woods when they heard leaves rustling. They brushed it off at first, but kept hearing twigs snapping. The boyfriend checked outside the tent but didn’t see anything. When he went back in the tent, the woman was gone. Panicked, he searched everywhere and finally found her gagged and tied to a tree. He untied her and asked if she was okay. She took the gag out of her mouth and screamed “Watch out!” just as a deranged killer plunged a knife into the boyfriend’s back. The woman had been trying to warn him the whole time.
37. A young couple were visiting Peru and decided to go hiking around some Incan ruins. After wandering around for a few hours, they became lost. As darkness set in, they heard strange cries coming from the ruins. At first they sounded like owls, but then seemed more human. As the cries got louder and closer, the couple realized in horror that they were cries of anguish. They attempted to find their way out but ended up tripping into a pit that contained hundreds of human skulls and bones. The man helped the woman climb out, but as she reached the top she heard her boyfriend’s scream abruptly cut off. When she looked back into the pit, he was gone.
38. A group of friends went camping in the woods. As they sat around the fire telling stories late at night, they were startled by a woman’s scream coming from the woods. Most of them assumed it was just one of their party playing a joke, so they didn’t think much of it. But after it happened a second and third time, they decided to search the woods. Hours later when the sun began to rise, a park ranger came upon the abandoned campsite. Scratched into a nearby tree were the words “No more screaming”. There was no sign of the campers.
39. A young girl woke up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night. As she walked down the hallway, she heard a drip…drip…drip noise. She followed the sound to the bathroom and discovered water slowly dripping from the bathtub faucet. She tightened the handle to stop it, used the bathroom, and then went to go back to bed. But as she walked down the hallway she heard the drip noise again, this time faster. Drip drip drip drip! She rushed back to the bathroom, turned the faucet off completely, and went back to bed. But in the hallway once again dripdripdripdripdrip! In a panic she ran to her parents room to wake her father only to be greeted by more dripping water, now gushing loudly from under the closed door. She slowly opened the door and saw her parents on the floor, throats slit, in an expanding pool of blood. And written on the mirror in blood were the words “Aren’t you glad you didn’t turn on the light?”
40. A young girl was left home alone for the first time. Her parents were reluctant but she begged them to go out and finally they relented. Before they left, her dad took her aside and said “If you get scared or need anything, just call me.” After her parents left, she decided to watch a movie in the basement. Partway through, the phone rang. She paused the movie and ran upstairs to answer it. “Hello?” No one was on the other end. She hung up, a little unnerved, and went back downstairs. She tried to get back into the movie but the phone rang again. Again no one was there. She turned the TV off and decided to just go to bed. As she lay in bed, the phone rang once more. She tried to ignore it but finally picked up the receiver. “What do you want??” she yelled. A whispered voice on the other end said “Have you checked the children?” She slammed the phone down, terrified. After a few minutes, it rang again. With trembling hands she answered. It was her father’s voice. “Everything ok? I called earlier but no one picked up.”
41. A woman returned home late one evening to find her trusty watchdog hadn’t greeted her at the door as usual. She walked into the darkened house, feeling uneasy. She kept calling her dog’s name, but got no response. She nervously checked every room, yet there was no sign of him. She sat down on the couch, wondering where he could be. Just then, she spotted movement out of the corner of her eye. She quickly turned her head but nothing was there. She scanned the room again. Had she imagined it? Then she heard a slow scraping and clattering, like something being dragged across the hardwood floor upstairs. Her heart pounding, she grabbed a flashlight and hurried to the staircase. The noise stopped. She nervously crept up the stairs, calling her dog’s name. At the top landing, her flashlight beam landed on a horrifying sight – the lifeless body of her loyal companion, brutally torn apart. She let out a bloodcurdling scream just as a dark figure leapt out from the shadows and attacked.
42. A young boy was afraid to sleep by himself at night. Every time his parents would tuck him in and shut off the light, he would start screaming in terror. Night after night this would happen. His parents brought in doctors and counselors to find out the cause of the boy’s night terrors, but no one could offer an explanation. Then one day after waking up from a nap, the boy told his mom, “Do you ever hear the voice at night? The one that whispers to me from the closet telling me what it wants to do?” His mom shook her head and hugged her son tight, protecting him from unseen things. From that day on, his screams were never heard again.
43. A group of campers were sitting around a campfire exchanging scary stories late one night. Suddenly, they heard loud, piercing screams coming from the woods. They flashlight searched the area but didn’t find anything unusual. The screaming continued on and off through the night. The next morning, they searched the woods in daylight. Buried beneath some leaves and brush they found the severed heads of two other campers who had gone missing just before their group arrived.
44. A woman was driving alone late at night when she heard a news report about an escaped convict in the area. Nervous, she vowed to stop at the next service station to call her husband. Just then she heard a loud scratching noise coming from the backseat. She drove faster, finally pulling into a gas station. But when she turned around to check the backseat first, no one was there. Breathing a sigh of relief, she reached for the door handle. That’s when she heard tapping on the window and saw a bloody hook hanging from her door handle. A maniacal voice screamed from outside.
45. The babysitter put the kids to bed and went to watch TV downstairs. She started getting creeped out being alone at night, so she turned all the lights on. The phone rang and a man asked “Have you checked the children?” She hung up, heart racing. The phone rang again immediately and the man asked “Why not go check on the children?” She hung up again. Just as it rang a third time, the kids started screaming. She answered the phone in panic. The man said “You should never have turned off the lights.”
46. A newlywed couple moved into their dream home, an idyllic cottage in the woods. That night, the husband kissed his wife and went upstairs to read. But after a few minutes, he was disturbed by a woman’s screams coming from outside. He searched the yard with a flashlight but found nothing. Shaken, he went back inside. The next night, he heard screams again. He roused his wife from bed to show her he wasn’t imagining things. They scoured the property together but turned up nothing. Night after night the screams continued. Soon the husband boarded up the windows and obsessively checked the locks, telling his wife they can never go outside again or “he” would get them.
47. A woman was on her way home after a late shift at work. She decided to walk through a park to save time. Halfway through, she heard rustling in the bushes nearby. Unnerved, she walked faster. She heard leaves crunching and sticks snapping as if someone was approaching. She broke into a run but could hear footsteps close behind, seeming to match her pace. She made it to the edge of the park and let out a scream as a man grabbed her shoulder from behind. She spun around ready to fight and found a police officer. Out of breath he said “I’m so glad I caught up to you ma’am. This park isn’t safe at night. There have been some homicides here recently. Let me escort you to your car.”
48. Two friends were exploring an old abandoned building when they came upon a mysterious trapdoor in the floor. Against their better judgement, they decided to open it and see where it led. One of them climbed down the rusty ladder into the darkness below. His friend heard him fumbling around followed by a bloodcurdling scream. Then silence. Nervously, he called his friend’s name but got no response. Fearing the worst, he followed the ladder down into the hole. With his flashlight he saw a tunnel stretching in both directions. Then he spotted his friend’s cell phone on the ground. Just as he reached for it, the trapdoor slammed shut above him. From the darkness ahead he heard a terrifying moan steadily growing louder. There was nowhere to run.
49. A young girl woke up to use the bathroom late one night. Still half-asleep, she didn’t turn any lights on as she stumbled down the hallway. As she sat down on the toilet, she heard a drip… drip… drip noise coming from behind her. She quickly finished and whipped around to find the bathtub faucet dripping slowly. Relieved it was just the faucet, she made her way back to bed. But as she walked down the pitch black hall, she stepped in something wet. Drip… drip… drip…The noise was back, this time coming from right behind her. She spun around and let out a scream as she saw a figure standing right there soaked in blood, holding a dripping knife.
50. A woman arrived home after a long day and poured herself a hot bath. She was just starting to relax when she heard faint scratching sounds coming from inside the walls around her. She tried to ignore it, but the scratching grew steadily louder and more frantic. Suddenly, a piercing scream erupted from within the walls, so human-sounding that it made the woman leap out of the tub. She threw her clothes on and ran from the house, driving to the nearest hotel. She tried to tell herself she had imagined it, but deep down she knew — something was living inside the walls of her house.
51. A babysitter was up late one night watching a scary movie after the kids went to sleep. Just as the killer in the movie let out a bloodcurdling scream, she heard a tap at the window behind her. Terrified, she rushed to
