Mother’s Day Puns (25)
1. I wanted to get my mom something very special for Mother’s Day. I decided to get her a bouquet of flowers made out of $100 bills. I guess you could say I got her 100 bouquets!
2. My mom loves antiques, so for Mother’s Day I got her a 165-year-old card. The card said, “Thank you for giving birth to me!”
3. On Mother’s Day, I told my mom I got her the moon as a gift. She said, “Don’t be silly, you can’t give me the moon!” I said, “Guess you’ll just have to settle for this Moon Pie instead.”
4. I was trying to come up with creative Mother’s Day gift ideas for my mom. Eventually I just said, “Ah forget it, I’ll just buy her some flowers.” I guess you could say I mummed the word.
5. For Mother’s Day brunch I made my mom a ham and cheese omelet. You could say I made her a momlet!
6. My mom loves watching birds, so for Mother’s Day I got her a job at Twitter. Now she’s a professional tweeter!
7. I was trying to find the perfect Mother’s Day card for my mom. One said “For a special mother on her special day.” I said, “Nah, too cheesy.”
8. On Mother’s Day, I was trying to find a restaurant reservation for my mom and me. No luck yet, but I’ll keep mom looking.
9. My mom loves doing yoga, so for Mother’s Day I got her a bouquet of flowers made out of pretzels. You could say I got her yoga bouquets!
10. My mom loves coffee, so for Mother’s Day I got her 52 coupons to her favorite coffee shop – one for every week of the year. You could say she’s going to have a very coffee year!
11. My mom loves knitting, so for Mother’s Day I got her knitting needles made out of spaghetti. You could say I got her pasta knittles!
12. I was trying to find a Mother’s Day gift that would make my mom tear up from joy. Then I realized she would already be crying tears over the macaroni necklace I made her.
13. For Mother’s Day brunch I made my mom a quiche with lots of onions in it so she would start crying. I guess you could say I made her an emo-quiche!
14. I wanted to get my mom a personalized Mother’s Day cake. I asked the baker to write “Happy Mother’s Day Melissa” on it. He said, “I’m sorry, there’s not enough space for all those letters.” I said, “That’s OK, just write ‘Happy Mom Day Liz!'”
15. My mom’s favorite flowers are roses, so for Mother’s Day I got her a dozen bouquets made entirely out of rose-shaped pancakes. You could say she’s going to have a very rosy brunch!
16. I wanted to get my mom a Mother’s Day cake decorated with lots of floral designs. The baker said he could make a cake with a bunch of roses on it. I said, “That’s perfect, I’ll take a dozen!”
17. For Mother’s Day I got my mom a t-shirt that says “#1 Mom”. I said, “Do you like your new shirt?” She said, “I love it, but please tell me this doesn’t mean I’m getting another sibling at my age!”
18. My mom loves wine, so for Mother’s Day I got her a bouquet made from wine bottles. You could say it’s the perfect gift for the wine-o in your life!
19. For Mother’s Day brunch I made my mom an omelet filled with candy conversation hearts. I guess you could say I made her a sweet momlet!
20. I wanted to treat my mom to brunch at a nice restaurant for Mother’s Day. I pulled some strings and mom-aged to get us a reservation.
21. On Mother’s Day I like to start the celebration by saying to my mom, “Thanks for raising me right!” She always replies, “You’re welcome, now let’s go get mimosas!”
22. For Mother’s Day I got my mom a mug that says “Hot Momma”. It pairs nicely with the “World’s Best Mom” trophy I also got her.
23. I was trying to come up with a creative gift for Mother’s Day and decided to get my mom customized license plates that read “BEST MOM”. That way she can show off her title wherever she goes!
24. This Mother’s Day, I’m getting my mom a super soft blanket. That way whenever she uses it she’ll say, “Oh blanket, you’re so momfurting.”
25. My mom loves gardening, so for Mother’s Day I got her new pruning shears. I know she’ll get a real clip out of them!
Mother’s Day One-Liners (15)
26. My mom is so selfless, on Mother’s Day she celebrates all the other moms.
27. My mom deserves breakfast in bed every day, but we compromise on just Mother’s Day.
28. Getting mom the perfect Mother’s Day gift is tough when she literally gave you the gift of life.
29. Mom, thanks for all the homemade meals, now let me take you out for Mother’s Day brunch.
30. This Mother’s Day, I hope I can be half the mom you’ve been to me.
31. To celebrate Mother’s Day, I’m following in mom’s footsteps and becoming a mom myself.
32. My mom won’t let me forget Mother’s Day – she sent me an evite weeks ago.
33. My mom is my MVP – Most Valuable Parent! Happy Mother’s Day!
34. Roses are red, violets are blue, mom you’re the best, happy Mother’s Day to you!
35. Mom – you’re my favorite parent! Don’t tell Dad!
36. Mother’s Day is my annual reminder of how awesome it is to be a mom.
37. Mothers hold their children’s hands for a short while but their hearts forever.
38. All that I am or hope to be, I owe to my angel Mother.
39. The greatest gift I ever received was the gift of life from my mom.
40. Life doesn’t come with a manual, it comes with a mother.
Best Mother’s Day Jokes (35)
41. On Mother’s Day morning, I woke up early, tiptoed into my parents’ bedroom and said to my mom, “Happy Mother’s Day!” My dad angrily shouted from under the covers, “Why don’t you wish me a happy Mother’s Day too? I went through 12 hours of painful labor for you!”
42. My teenage son came into the kitchen on Mother’s Day and said, “Sorry for the last minute gift mom, but I forgot it was Mother’s Day until Dad reminded me this morning.” He handed me a napkin with “IOU breakfast in bed” scribbled on it. I gave him an IOU card for his next birthday present and told him we’re even now!
43. On Mother’s Day, my husband served me breakfast in bed and said, “Here’s your coffee, your omelet, your toast, and your Mother’s Day gift – a necklace!” I took one look at the tray, spotted a cockroach under the plate, and yelled, “AAH there’s a roach on the tray!” My husband said, “No honey, I said here’s your COACH necklace!”
44. I came home on Mother’s Day to find my living room filled with bouquets of my favorite flowers. My husband walked out with a smug grin and said, “Surprise, honey! I wanted to completely cover the house in flowers to celebrate you today.” I gave him a kiss and said, “Aww, you’re so sweet! But you do know Mother’s Day isn’t for another week, right?”
45. My teenage daughter forgot about Mother’s Day until the last minute. On Sunday morning she rushed into the kitchen, grabbed a banana off the counter, scribbled on it with a pen and gave it to me. I took one look at the banana and saw she had written “This banana is redeemable for one fancy Mother’s Day brunch.” I had to laugh – bananas make a terrible IOU but you’ve got to appreciate the creativity!
46. On Mother’s Day morning my husband came into the bedroom holding our 2-year-old daughter. He said to her, “Who do you love more, mommy or daddy?” Our daughter smiled, stretched her arms out and said “Pancakes!” Parenting win!
47. For Mother’s Day my teenage kids got up early, made me breakfast in bed and then handed me a piece of paper they’d made. It was a coupon for “One Free Car Wash from the World’s Best Kids.” I said “But we don’t have a hose.” They replied “We know but this coupon never expires!”
48. My husband completely forgot it was Mother’s Day until I woke him up grumbling “Happy Mother’s Day to me, making breakfast alone again.” He felt terrible and promised me breakfast in bed… for the next Mother’s Day!
49. On Mother’s Day, my teenage son handed me a card that said “Mom, you’re beautiful.” That made me tear up, but then he kept talking: “Here’s 5 dollars. Please buy yourself some makeup so you can look beautiful again.” Looks like someone just lost Xbox privileges!
50. My husband came downstairs on Mother’s Day and found me crying watching TV. He asked “Oh no, what’s wrong?” I pointed at the TV and sobbed “They just gave the Mother of the Year award to someone else again!”
51. I called my mom on Mother’s Day and said “Thanks for teaching me everything it means to be a great mom.” She said “You’re so welcome! Did you call to tell me you’re finally pregnant?!” Mothers never quit!
52. For Mother’s Day, my kids made me coupons for household chores. Dishes, laundry, vacuuming, you name it! I tried to redeem a coupon for loading the dishwasher but they said “That one expired yesterday. But the coupon for hugs never expires!”
53. My husband completely forgot Mother’s Day (again) until our kids woke him up yelling “Daddy, hurry up! We can’t make eggs Benedict without you!” He’s lucky he has helpers to remind him.
54. I called my mom to say Happy Mother’s Day and asked what she wanted as gift this year. “Nothing!” she insisted. Then she whispered “But if you happen to see some good bath towels on sale, you should get me those.”
55. My husband bragged that he ordered us Mother’s Day brunch at my favorite restaurant. On Sunday morning, I woke up to see two bowls of cereal, with a note that said “They were booked solid!” It’s the thought that counts?
56. I asked my teenage son what I should make myself for Mother’s Day brunch. He thought for a minute and said, “Hamburger Helper?” Son, Mom’s standards are low but not that low.
57. Every Mother’s Day my mom enjoys the peaceful bliss of nobody asking her to do any chores. Until reality hits again on Monday.
58. I told my mom all I wanted for Mother’s Day was to relax with no responsibilities. She laughed and said “Get back to me when you have kids of your own!”
59. For Mother’s Day, the kids and I surprised my wife with breakfast in bed. The look of shock on her face when the kids brought in the tray was priceless! (Almost as priceless as when the orange juice spilled all over the sheets.)
60. My wife was annoyed when I gave her pansies for Mother’s Day. She doesn’t know that in flower language, pansies mean “thinking of you.” Of course, she also doesn’t know I grabbed them from a nearby garden on my way home!
61. Me: “Honey, be honest – is a $20 Starbucks gift card a good Mother’s Day gift or should I get you something bigger?”
Her: “Get me the biggest one they have!”
62. Our young daughter made a Mother’s Day card all by herself. It said “Dear Mommy, I love you so much because you gave me the gift of life.” My wife was so touched she immediately framed it. I refrained from mentioning our daughter only wrote it after I promised her ice cream.
63. My teenage son kept hinting he wanted money for Mother’s Day to buy some new shoes. I told him a heartfelt homemade card would mean more to me than any gift he could buy. He presented me with a card that said “IOU $50 for new sneakers.” Nice try!
64. My son handed me a crumpled Mother’s Day card that said “Mom, you’re beautiful like a summer day.” I teared up and said “Aww that’s so sweet!” He shrugged and said “Yeah, Dad was busy so he told me to write whatever.” Kids!
65. My daughter woke me up on Mother’s Day morning shouting “You’re my favorite mom in the whole world!” I smiled proudly until my husband leaned over and whispered “Don’t let her charm you, I just told her she could have ice cream for breakfast if she said that.”
66. My kids tried surprising me with breakfast in bed for Mother’s Day. The surprise was ruined when I overheard them arguing in the kitchen over whose turn it was to carry the tray upstairs. The toast was burnt but their teamwork still deserves some credit!
67. I told my teenage daughter all I wanted for Mother’s Day was for her to spend the day relaxing with me, just mother-daughter time. She smiled excitedly and said “Great idea Mom! Can I invite a few friends too?” Back to the drawing board!
68. My toddler proudly presented me with a Mother’s Day “card” he had drawn. It consisted of a bunch of colorful scribbles on a crumpled paper. I told him it was the most beautiful artwork I’d ever seen! (Don’t tell the fridge magnets).
69. My wife was disappointed when the kids forgot Mother’s Day and didn’t make her breakfast in bed. I tried smoothing things over by bringing her cold coffee and toast at 3pm. She glared and said “You’re about 5 hours too late!” Oops.
70. I was touched when my daughter handed me a card she’d made herself for Mother’s Day. It featured a stick figure mom holding a stick figure girl’s hand. The inside said “Mommy, thank you for holding my hand no matter how old I get.” I’m totally not crying!
71. For Mother’s Day, I got my wife a mug that says “World’s Okayest Mom.” She sarcastically said “Wow, thanks honey” as she drank her coffee. I grinned and said “Don’t thank me, it was the kids’ idea!”
72. My wife was complaining about the lackluster Mother’s Day celebration so I said, “What more do you want from me woman, I got you a card!” She responded, “It’s the thought that counts, and you clearly didn’t put much thought into this!”
73. I surprised my mom with brunch at her favorite cafe for Mother’s Day. She smiled and said “You didn’t have to do this!” Then under her breath muttered, “But I’m sure glad someone remembered me this year.”
74. For Mother’s Day this year, my wife just wants some peace and quiet. So I’m taking the kids hiking all day while she enjoys a pamper session at the spa. I give it 50/50 odds she has to come rescue us.
75. Me planning my perfect Mother’s Day: Breakfast in bed, family BBQ, flowers from the kids, relaxing alone reading a book. Me on actual Mother’s Day: Waking up at 6am to screaming kids fighting over who gets the first waffle. Happy Mother’s Day, parenting is magical!