Lent Puns (30)
- What do you call a guy who gives up snacks for Lent? Abstinent.
- Why was the chocolate bar excited for Lent to be over? It wanted to be eaten again!
- I’m so hungry during Lent I could eat a horse. Actually, I would if the Catholic Church didn’t forbid it!
- My wife gave up yelling at me for Lent. It’s been so quiet around here I can finally hear myself think.
- What did the priest say when he saw someone cheating on their Lent fast? “Who are you kiddin’?”
- Did you hear about the agnostic who gave up God for Lent? They weren’t sure it would work.
- Why do Catholics eat fish instead of meat during Lent? Because it’s cod in their religion.
- I thought about giving up lame Lent jokes for Lent, but realized I don’t have the willpower.
- What did the fasting monk say when offered chocolate? “I’m abstaining for now.”
- Giving up carbs for Lent? That’s a whole lot of restraint!
- When I told my friend I was giving up clutter for Lent, she said, “That’s an organizers’ dream come true!”
- Don’t let people shame you if you slip up on your Lent promises. You don’t have to be perfect — even the Pope sins sometimes!
- What do you call Easter candy before Lent? Prey.
- Why can’t Catholics eat meat during Lent? They’re afraid of the steak’s consequences.
- My wife gave up yelling at me for Lent. It’s been so quiet around here I can finally hear myself think.
- What did the priest say when he saw someone cheating on their Lent fast? “Who are you kiddin’?”
- Did you hear about the agnostic who gave up God for Lent? They weren’t sure it would work.
- Why do Catholics eat fish instead of meat during Lent? Because it’s cod in their religion.
- I thought about giving up lame Lent jokes for Lent, but realized I don’t have the willpower.
- What did the fasting monk say when offered chocolate? “I’m abstaining for now.”
- Giving up carbs for Lent? That’s a whole lot of restraint!
- When I told my friend I was giving up clutter for Lent, she said, “That’s an organizers’ dream come true!”
- Don’t let people shame you if you slip up on your Lent promises. You don’t have to be perfect — even the Pope sins sometimes!
- What do you call Easter candy before Lent? Prey.
- Why can’t Catholics eat meat during Lent? They’re afraid of the steak’s consequences.
- My wife gave up yelling at me for Lent. It’s been so quiet around here I can finally hear myself think.
- What did the priest say when he saw someone cheating on their Lent fast? “Who are you kiddin’?”
- Did you hear about the agnostic who gave up God for Lent? They weren’t sure it would work.
- Why do Catholics eat fish instead of meat during Lent? Because it’s cod in their religion.
Lent One-Liners (15)
- Lent is the time to practice some shelf-denial when it comes to snacking.
- Does Lent have a happy ending? I don’t want to wait 40 days to find out.
- Lent is so much longer than I thought it would be.
- Lent is the time of year when even God gives something up for 40 days.
- Letting go of chocolate for Lent? That takes a lot of restraint!
- Lent is a lot like my New Year’s resolution – I’m determined in the beginning before eventually caving.
- Lent keeps going on like the Energizer bunny – it just doesn’t stop!
- Lent gives up something that matters for 40 days while I usually give up on my resolutions after 40 minutes.
- Me at the start of Lent vs. me 3 weeks into Lent = two very different commitment levels.
- Lent is a test of willpower. And I’m definitely failing the test.
- I gave up Lent for Lent.
- Lent is the longest diet ever.
- Lent: when even God takes a timeout.
- Lent is the time of year to repent for all my sins…like eating that donut last week.
- Lent and I need to have a serious talk about commitment.
Best Lent Jokes (40)
46. My boss called me into his office on Ash Wednesday. He said, “Phil, I need you to stop using company time for your Lenten devotions. Ash Wednesday does not give you permission to play hooky.”
47. I decided to give up sarcasm for Lent. It’s been SO amazing and life-changing so far.
48. The 40 days of Lent is easy compared to the 40 weeks of pregnancy my wife went through. I’ll trade fasting and repentance over cravings and mood swings any day.
49. A priest, minister, and rabbi were arguing about when to celebrate Easter this year. The priest said casually, “We’ll just follow the date set by the guy who died and rose from the dead.”
50. My co-worker gave up drinking for Lent. When I asked him how it was going after a week he said, “Turns out I’m not as interested in self-improvement as I am in margaritas.”
51. I’m pretty sure if I gave up sarcasm for Lent, I’d only last until Easter vigil before the snark returned. Some habits can’t be broken.
52. My doctor told me to give up carbohydrates for Lent. I told him I’d rather sacrifice something less crucial, like reading or sunlight.
53. I told my boss I was giving up work for Lent as an experiment in personal renewal. Shockingly, he was not amused.
54. What are you giving up for Lent? I’m forgoing humor and my sparkling personality. I’ll just be stone-faced and monotone until Easter.
55. I tried to give up procrastination for Lent but I figured there’s 40 days until Easter, plenty of time to decide what to actually give up.
56. This year I’m giving up Lent for Lent.
57. I never know what to give up for Lent. Chocolate? Alcohol? Sarcasm? The possibilities are just too overwhelming so I usually just keep sinning instead.
58. My wife is trying to decide between giving up wine or chocolate for Lent. I told her to give up talking to me during sporting events and then we’ll BOTH be making sacrifices.
59. I’m thinking of giving up self-deprecating humor for Lent but let’s be honest – that won’t last more than a day or two!
60. What do you call someone who gave up telling jokes for Lent? A humorless lent-il!
61. I bet Adam gave up apples and Eve gave up serpents after that whole Garden of Eden fiasco. Lent before Lent was a thing.
62. This year I’m giving up Lent for Lent. I figure it cancels itself out so I can still eat whatever I want for 40 days.
63. My mailbox has been inundated with Lent fundraising mailers from every charity asking me to donate the money I save from my sacrifice. Jokes on them – I’m not giving anything up this year!
64. I told my kids we’re giving up their college savings for Lent. Hey, self-sacrifice starts at home.
65. Lent is way more than 40 days if you count all the Sundays that don’t actually count as fasting days. I need the Catholic Church to stop moving the goal posts and let me eat a burger in peace!
66. What did the chocolate bunny give up for Lent? Ears!
67. I’ve chosen to give up my morning cup of coffee for Lent. I apologize in advance to anyone who has to interact with me over the next 40 days.
68. I’m still full from Christmas cookies so I figured I’d give up healthy eating for Lent instead.
69. I was going to give up carbs for Lent but pasta is so divine, I don’t think I can resist!
70. My coworker gave up drinking during Lent so he’s spending happy hour tonight with a glass of water. We’ve taken bets on whether he caves before Easter.
71. What did one Lent observation say to the other? Let’s give up Lent for Lent!
72. In honor of Lent, I’m giving up buying frivolous things I don’t need like fancy coffee and shoes I’ll only wear once. Turns out fasting also saves me money – who knew?
73. I told my kids I was giving up yelling for Lent. They laughed and said good one, Dad, very funny joke.
74. I’m tempted to pretend I gave something up for Lent when really my Catholic guilt will keep me on the straight and narrow for 40 days.
75. Why was the hungry monk cranky during Lent? He had fasted and fuse was short!
76. What did the priest say to the parishioner who cheated on her Lenten sacrifice? No poul-try!
77. Did you hear about the new app called Lentify? It’s like Spotify but it only plays songs about fasting and atonement.
78. Why do Catholics observe Lent? Because they’re good at resisting temptation – it’s been thousands of years since they’ve had a bite of the forbidden fruit!
79. I’m trying a Lent-light approach this year – I’m just giving up foods that start with the letter M like meat, M&Ms, macaroni, mashed potatoes…
80. Why couldn’t the monk finish his Lenten fast? He ran out of will-nun!
81. What do you call a mobile game about Lent? Fasting and Furious!
82. Did you hear about the town that banned Lent because they were afraid of divine re-percussion?
83. Why did the cookie give up milk for Lent? Because it was time to make some crumby sacrifices!
84. What do you call half-hearted Lent observance? Pre-repentance!
85. Knock knock! Who’s there? Amish. Amish who? Wow, I didn’t know you gave up telling knock knock jokes for Lent!
