Target Topic Puns
1. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
2. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space.
3. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
4. What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator!
5. Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the “P” is silent!
6. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day!
7. Why do bees stay in their hives during winter? Swarm.
8. What do you call a dog magician? A labracadabrador.
9. Why can’t bicycles stand up on their own? They’re two tired.
10. I’m reading a great book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers yesterday but couldn’t find any.
12. I wanted to buy a thesaurus but ended up getting a dinosaur by mistake.
Target Topic One-Liners
13. I asked my French friend if she likes to play video games. She said, “Wii.”
14. My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.
15. I went to the zoo and saw a baguette in a cage. It was bread in captivity.
16. I entered 10 puns in a contest to see which would win. No pun in ten did.
17. I couldn’t figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.
18. I told my carpenter I didn’t want carpeted stairs. He gave me a blank stare.
19. I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
20. How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
21. I’m reading a book on the history of glue. It’s very hard to put it down.
22. I couldn’t work out how to fasten my seatbelt. Then it clicked.
Best Target Topic Jokes
23. Three surgeons are discussing their favorite patients. The first surgeon says, “I like operating on electricians. When you open them up, everything is color coded.”
The second surgeon says, “I prefer working on librarians. All of their organs are alphabetized.”
The third surgeon says, “I like operating on programmers. When you open them up, their organs are numbered and sorted logically.”
24. A farmer was having trouble getting his animals into the barn. He asked his friend for advice. “Try leading them in with a torch,” his friend said. The farmer asked, “Torch? Will that help?”
His friend replied, “Sure. Where there’s a torch, there’s light. And where there’s light, there’s insight. And where there’s insight, there’s solutions. And where there’s solutions, there’s hope. And where there’s hope, there’s…”
The farmer interrupted, “Wait, I just want to get these animals into the barn.”
25. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
26. I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.
27. Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon? The food is great, but there’s just no atmosphere.
28. Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating? Because they have no body to go with.
29. I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it. It was a shitzu.
30. Why don’t oysters share their pearls? Because they’re shellfish!
31. Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl use the bathroom? Because the “P” is silent.
32. Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards? He was just going through a stage.
33. I bought shoes from a drug dealer today. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.
34. Why do bees stay in their hives during the winter? Swarm.
35. What do you call a dog magician? A labracadabrador.
36. Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.
37. I entered 10 puns in a contest to see which would win. No pun in ten did.
38. Did you hear about the hungry clock? It went back four seconds.
39. I couldn’t figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.
40. Why was six scared of seven? Because seven ate nine!
41. Why is Peter Pan always flying? He neverlands.
42. What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between you and me, something smells.
43. I told my carpenter I didn’t want carpeted stairs. He gave me a blank stare.
44. How does Moses make tea? Hebrews it.
45. What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows.